Cuffed
by MiyakoHasegawa
Summary: Being chained together is not fun. What actually happens during their private times to make time passable? Is the Death Note recovered? From cuffed to uncuffed, what Fate awaits them? Do they have a future? L and Raito/Light
1. Chapter 1 Tension

This is my first try posting here. It's slash material, L x Raito. I know I've got the pair ooc, forgive me on that. Any comments will be most welcome.

(Nov 1, 2009) I want to dedicate this fic to former members of the DN7 forum. Okay, maybe to those who liked the story. This fic was born there, even though the forum is no more.

(Jan 2012) Some formatting updated since they took away the breaks in between the story and A/N and I had to insert these long lines. Also corrected some errors through the chapters I happened to spot and replaced some words to make it sound better overall. Of course context is still the same.

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_Chapter 1_

"How did you decide which hand to cuff?" Raito asks, out of boredom one evening, after bidding goodnight to the rest of the investigation team.

L gives Raito a pointed blank stare before he continues on their way to the bedroom, as if not believing Raito is trying to strike up such an unconstructive conversation. They walk on in silence, as they did many other countless evenings. The chain clinks gently on the carpet. It is a sound that is both demeaning and reassuring to Raito. It speaks of freedom taken away while it provides the perfect alibi that he is innocent.

Raito observes L's wild black hair. It does not care whether it is day or night. It goes in any direction but down. His hunched back is not exactly charismatic either. When L gets to the age of 60, Raito can safely bet that he'll probably bowl over when he tries to stand. With the weird habit of raising his knees to his chest, Raito can just imagine a human ball. A ball that eats sweets and desserts.

Nevertheless, outside of these odd external characteristics, L is more than equal in status with Raito. He has to admit that he enjoys working with L. Little needs to be said, yet their thoughts almost always coincide. They think so much alike and this moves the investigation ahead very efficiently.

Their bedroom door is closed. L keeps a notebook inside, along with his other necessities. Naturally, these would include a tray of sweet edibles, cup and saucer of expensive bone china, and his sugar cubes. Raito turns the knob. At a tea table next to the bed, they can see that tonight's selections are donuts and chocolates. Raito narrows his eyes slightly and expels one heavy breath.

This almost sick fixation of L is not helping him to get a good night's sleep. Since Raito has the cuff on his left wrist and L's on his right, it is logical that Raito keeps to the right of the bed while L on his left. In spite of this, L has to hold the fork with his right hand, thus always pulling on the chain, making tiny metallic clinking sounds while he eats.

Raito is a light sleeper and he has not had a decent night's sleep in weeks because of L. The last time he finally had peace was when he had the fight with L in Misa's room. They were both too tired afterwards, even L preferred sleep over the sweet tray that evening. Raito is cranky tonight and would not hesitate to start a fight should L provoke him too much, unless he has another outlet for his tension.

"Good night, L."

"Sweet dreams, Raito-kun."

Raito wants to snort but refrains from doing so. He needs a relaxed moment to fall fast asleep before those clinking sounds wake him up again. He keeps on expecting to be woken up but actually he drifts off to sleep without trouble. L is unusually quiet tonight.

Raito awakes in the middle of the night, feeling confused. Something has brought him back to consciousness. No metallic sounds. Something foreign. It's this muffled erratic panting. Obviously not from him. He cracks open one eyelid to a slit.

L is sitting up and has his back supported by a pillow. His head has turned the other way, probably to stare at something on the tea table. His right hand lays on the mattress, unused. The bedroom lights are off and there are moving rays of brightness from the direction L is watching. He has headphones on. It must be the notebook and he is playing something on it. He is definitely not eating his sweet treats.

Initially, Raito thought the moving rays were from the screen showing people in action, since he is lying flat in bed and couldn't see everything directly. He raises his head up a few inches and confirms his suspicion, unpleasant as it is and a little unexpected. The panting spoke out loud one of the few things that L could be doing, using his left hand. Getting a visual of both L's act and the computer screen is quite a shock and Raito has to calm his accelerated pulse.

The screen shows Raito in the shower. He can recognize his house. When was this footage taken? If it was just him taking the shower, he could care less. But it was one of those tension release days for him. He likes to masturbate during showers. It is clean and leaves no mess. L is watching it all while he does his own tension releasing. How sick, yet arousing. Raito is getting an erection.

Is L doing this on purpose? He should've known Raito wakes up easily. How could he be this careless? Is it one of those tests to filter out the possibility of him being Kira? It does not connect. Arousal clears up Raito's foggy mind and he realizes he has been too engrossed over the case to take care of his own physical needs.

To hell with it. Raito reaches inside his pants and begins to stroke, while pretending to be asleep. He lets out a soft moan. Taking a peek from his half closed eyelids, L doesn't seem to be aware of him being anything but asleep.

Raito is actually extremely turned on by this situation, in a perverted way. Him getting excited over L going gaga at his shower act. It has been...what, weeks since he was released from his 50-day confinement. That is well over four months from the last time he had pleasured himself. He bites his lower lip as the bliss builds up.

The blanket gets in his way and he nudges it aside. Besides, he is too uncomfortably warm anyways. The cooler night air contrasts with his body heat, adding an additional variety to his manual stimulation. It is Raito's turn to pant. He is coming soon. It will be a big load and it will get messy. He doesn't care and wants the big bang now.

He has to purse his lips together forcefully to stifle his groan of satisfaction. It seems like 20 seconds have passed but he keeps on coming. He is shaking from the force of his orgasm. A darker spot appears at the crotch of his pajama bottoms. Blame it on L.

The moment passes, regrettably, but enough to produce the effect that Raito is looking forward to. The tension is gone. He feels so relaxed and sleepy he swears not even an earthquake could wake him now. Nevertheless, he removes his soiled pajama bottoms and remembers to tug on the blanket to cover himself before falling asleep.

Despite the quiet way Raito carries out his business, L notices. Watching live is always better than going over recordings. Meanwhile, all he needs is just one more stroke to get over the edge. He does just that to bring on the pleasure he has been waiting for. _Raito. Why does Raito have to be so irresistibly attractive?_ As his excitement subsides, he contemplates his next move.


	2. Chapter 2 Accident

_Chapter 2_

The revitalizing smell of fresh coffee sneaks inside Raito's nostrils and brings him back from the sleeping dead. He cannot recall the last time he has rested so well. He is completely refreshed. As expected, there is the sound of silver spoon stirring at expensive bone china. Watari must have entered the bedroom not more than 5 minutes ago and had left quietly, as always. At least it takes that long for the aroma to saturate the room.

The air conditioning from the vents is blowing on the curtains next to the full wall windows, making the fabrics shift and letting in hints of sunlight. Other than that, the room is shrouded in shadows. Of course it is daylight and no lighting is necessary to be able to see things. A sipping sound can be heard.

"Ah Raito-kun. I hope you had rested well last night?" L asks, but not out of real concern. Otherwise, why keep him under a chain? He continues, "You must take good care of yourself. None of us on the team wants you to fall ill, at a time like this."

Right, as if he gives a fuck. L doesn't make small talk and that makes Raito uneasy. He cannot fathom where L is coming from this time. The infamous detective is difficult to read. He mumbles a good morning then flings off the blanket without a second thought.

"Be careful, you may catch a cold." L adds. Raito is mortified. He has probably felt the cool air a split second before L's sentence registered. He forgot about his pajama bottoms and his morning wood is in full sight. He realizes a leg of the pajama was on top of the blanket and it was too possible that L knew he was naked from the waist down before he even woke up.

_Stay calm. Stay calm_. Raito tries to hypnotize himself with these two words. Avoiding L's direction, he puts on the garment at a leisurely pace, sans underpants. He cannot tolerate unclean clothing.

"Accidents happen. I had to take them off." Raito is being half truthful, if only for the latter part. It was no accident. L continues to sip his coffee. Apparently, he has closed the subject. Raito is grateful for that.

The usual routine goes on. Clean up, get dressed. There is a problem though. Raito stops dead in his tracks, in front of the wardrobe. There is a funny smell emitting from the row of drawers. The carpeting underneath is damp. Raito pulls his drawer open and his heart sinks. Everything is gone. The smell is stronger and it resembles vaguely of a combination of disinfectant and sewage. The interior of the drawer is also damp and some parts of the wood have wrinkled.

"Yes, the pipes in the bathroom had leaked, possibly for the past few days. The wall behind this closet is soaked. Watari has taken care of the piping problem for the moment. All your clothing in the drawer had been taken away for proper disinfecting and washing. It may take some time." L explains in his flat tone, though there is a trace of a dancing light in his eyes. "I believe you still have some inside the wardrobe that are not damaged."

"You're right, I do. But I put all my undergarments and socks in that drawer." Raito is starting to comprehend the magnitude of the situation. He hopes it is not one of L's strange tests. He cannot believe he slept through all these activities. Disinfectant should have a sharper odor and yet he only woke up to the smell of coffee. Besides, if it has been an ongoing process for a few days, how could he fail to notice the signs? Seeing that L's drawer also suffered the same damage has convinced him that it is an accident, but only barely.

"Accidents happen." L uses the same line, in chord with Raito's train of thoughts. "I cannot help you with the socks but I can lend you my underwear for the day, if it will be more convenient for you."

Raito frowns in displeasure. _No, I do not just want convenience, you sick bastard._ He would rather ask his father for his loincloths than to touch anything that L has worn intimately. He rummages through the few pieces of clothing he has. Mostly jeans and shirts. There are some sweaters and pullovers. Let's see, some soft cotton pants without zippers. No zippers for today, thank you.

L watches with interest. Raito finally settles on a black pair of cotton pants and a gray pullover with a striped V neck. He changes into his pullover swiftly, minimizing the exposure of his lithe body in open sight, now that he is aware of L's interest in him. He has yet to drop his pajama bottoms.

"Do you mind? I need some privacy." Raito is being straightforward. There is no use in being delicate since L is very adept at leading people in circles. He will probably think of something to make it perfectly reasonable that Raito should drop his pants right now, if not going further by helping him to change into new ones.

"Raito-kun, I have seen countless number of naked men in the past so why should you be any different?" L omits the fact that those naked men were corpses, if not body parts. Raito is one of the few that he has seen up close and alive. The only one that is young and attractive.

Just as he thought. That is pure BS from a genius. _Perhaps he hasn't had his cake yet. _Raito keeps his back to L while he changes. As soon as he steps in one leg, he knows he has made a mistake. This pair of pants has been at the bottom of his selection and it must have been over a year since he has worn them last. They fit, in a snug way. Well, Raito is not about to stand there with his bare ass out in the air while he finds another pair. _It's just for the day. Just for the day._

Raito turns around. At least L has the courtesy to look somewhere, or had he predicted the time that he would turn around? L seems to be testing the edge of the damp spot at the carpeting with his toes.

"Raito-kun, your breakfast break has been cut short while you were dressing up. Meeting starts in 6 minutes." L takes note of the time at the notebook screensaver. Raito is not hungry anyway. The strange scenario this morning has taken Raito's appetite away.

"You are welcome to share my breakfast though. You may eat while I talk." L presumes too much. Raito's annoyance grows.

They need to get to the main room soon. Raito's jaws clench as the soft seams of his pants make sinful contact with his privates in every movement. It is too late to go back. He focuses his thoughts to the meeting ahead, hopefully to reduce the sensations he can feel. The hallway seems especially long this morning. By the time they reach the main room, Raito has developed a semi erection.

The room is empty. L and Raito both take their seat at the sofa. L eyes the pastry selections with indecision while sitting with his knees drawn up. Raito finally takes on L's offer and has some tea, no sugar added.

L waves around with his fork. "How could there be an insect flying around inside this room? It doesn't make sense."

Raito has come to distinguish between real questions and rhetoric ones since his earlier years. He remains silent and continues to drink his tea. When he is half done, he starts to return the cup to the table. At this very moment, L's elbow collides with his forearm and the tea is spilled onto his lap. _What? Another accident?_

"I apologize, Raito-kun. Are you alright?"

Though the liquid is not scalding, the temperature is still high enough to cause possible burns on sensitive skin. The thin fabric soaks it up too well. Raito yelps and stands up immediately, setting down the quarter full cup at once. Somehow, L produces a napkin out of nowhere and volunteers to blot up the damp spot. For the first few seconds, Raito freezes. L is literally rubbing at him on the excuse of offering his assistance. He seizes the napkin from L with disgust and continues the job, at the brink of his tolerance.

"Though it may not be apparent at the moment, I suggest that you run some cold water over the area to reduce the aftereffects of the burn. Cool running water is the universal contingency solution to minimize damages from chemical burns before the victims can be administered with proper treatments. The tea is only water, therefore the harm is even less."

L's logic seems out of place at this point. _So that makes it acceptable to spill hot tea in my lap?_ Infuriated, Raito begins to walk out of the room, pulling L with him. He notices the clock at the wall reads 8:29, just now. They are early for the 9am meeting. Yet L said they only had 6 minutes left. _What has gotten into L?_ Being at the receiving end of practical jokes, Raito feels humiliated and he plans to retaliate.

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-I'm bad at making up conversations. That explains why there's not much talking going on right now. I'll try my best though for the coming chapters. Comments are welcome.


	3. Chapter 3 Misunderstanding

_Chapter 3_

Misa bounces backwards onto the sofa, squealing with glee. The three of them are in Misa's room. Raito sits there impatiently while L devours another mouthful of cake. One minute ago, L had leaned towards the glass coffee table and eyed Misa with mischief, giving out signs that he had something to tell her. Misa was naturally curious and stood up to hear what L had to say. His voice was low as usual. The confidential tone he used made it impossible to eavesdrop. It was meant for her ears only.

Raito keeps a nonchalant façade. He is not a schoolgirl dying to catch the latest gossip. Misa giggles while she takes covert peeks at him across the table. L is oblivious to it all, having accomplished his goal.

"Raito! Why didn't you tell Misa? Misa loves Raito so much she can do anything for him!" Misa feels that it is her mission to express her love a million times everyday.

"How do you suppose you can help me, Misa?"

"Misa can get one, no, dozens for you. All for free!"

Raito narrows his eyes dangerously. L is going too far. His eyes fly daggers at L's direction. It isn't enough that he took a private footage of him at his own home. It isn't enough that he got off from watching the recording. It isn't enough that the 'accidents' this morning were all related to his lower body. He even finds it fit to _tell _someone about his misfortune.

"Ryuuzaki, is this truly that amusing to you?" Raito is rational enough to address L by his pseudo name.

"I thought I was only doing you a favor, Raito-kun." L gives a wide-eyed look, appearing to be the most innocent man on earth.

_Favor? PUL-lease!_ Raito is 99 percent certain that L was behind these accidents. He only lacks the hard evidence to prove him guilty.

After returning to the bedroom this morning, Raito went straight to the bathroom. He did use the cold water treatment. Not because L suggested it. Anyone with common sense knows it should be done. Besides, he needed to cool off. The cold water was a perfect temporary solution. He made sure the towel was tightly wrapped before he stepped out of the tub. He didn't repeat the same mistake with his pants. No damage was done, almost.

Raito recalls they finally had a breakthrough about how Kira could kill using means other than heart attacks. It was exclaimed at the same time by both L and him. L's hand was on his shoulder and his face was only 3 inches to his left. He was aware of his sweet breath. The thrill Raito felt was electrifying. He assumed the emotion was derived from the new discovery, nothing more.

Aizawa and Matsuda had also gathered for further brainstorming. It was a slow process and they all ignored Matsuda for his silly comments. Nevertheless, it was established that the Yotsuba Group should be investigated.

Raito's mind returns to the present by the pull of expectant gazes he feels from both Misa and L. The one single thought that suddenly comes to him is to punch L.

Raito charges towards L and grabs at the white fabric of the front of his tee. L parries Raito's punch to his face and glides backwards to the arm of the sofa. He breaks his fall with his elbows while loosening Raito's grip on him successfully. Raito leaps off the sofa like a panther and straddles L, pinning his arms to the ground with his knees. L could feel Raito's balls through the fabrics.

"Stop it, you two! STOP IT!" Misa yells in her shrill voice. She is ignored.

Raito has made another bad choice with his pants. He's wearing long sports pants in charcoal color. They are loose, but anything that's not flat can show up too easily. Right now, the fabric has been pulled tight to the direction behind him, outlining the shape of his sex perfectly. There is a curious current running through L's lower abdomen. Raito leans closer to face L, palms flat on the floor above his shoulders.

"What favor?" Raito breathes with controlled fury.

L could feel Raito sitting on his rising erection. He is not about to make a fool of himself. L raises his hips and digs in his heels in an attempt to throw Raito off balance. Since Raito already has his face close by, all L succeeds in doing is to bring Raito's lips to his own. It's more like a collision. Both can feel blood on their lips where their teeth have broken the skin.

Stunned, Raito rolls to the side and sits there, thinking of what just happened. L also sits up, drawing his knees to his chest, hugging them tight, perhaps to hide his erection. Thankfully, Misa was at the phone trying to call in somebody to stop them and didn't see what had just transpired. The other end apparently told her to wait it out. Upon returning to the sofa, her frustrated look turns to relief, seeing that they have ceased fire.

"Ewwww, you two! Look at the blood! Misa hates fighting!"

She moves next to Raito to check on his conditions. She sits with her legs folded, feet pointing outwards to both sides. Eyebrows drawn together slightly out of concern, she places her hand on his forearm. He stands abruptly, unawares of the bulge in his pants. Misa grins wickedly, pleased that she could bring forth such a reaction from the man she loves more than the world.

Raito stands beside L and looks down. Only then does he notice his own state of being. L is gripping at his knees with such force that his knuckles turn white. After a moment, L stands, brushing at Raito in the process. Raito cannot believe L has the nerve to do that under all these surveillance cameras. There is no point to hide it from L, but Raito feels that Misa shouldn't see this. He returns to the sofa, careful to show only his back to Misa. L is at the sofa as well, observing Raito curiously.

"Ryuuzaki-san is right!"

Raito's irritation is back. _What did he tell her?_

"What kind of favor was it, Ryuuzaki?"

"I see that Raito-kun is upset."

_Hell, YES! Of course I'm upset. More than upset!_ L is avoiding the question.

"Raito! Ryuuzaki-san was only being nice. He told Misa about what you need. Misa is so happy to know! There is nothing wrong with that. Tell Misa the size."

Misa looks so eager to please. She absolutely worships the ground that he walks on.

"Size? SIZE? What did you tell her, Ryuuzaki!" Raito has his teeth grinding together. There is murder in his eyes.

"Posters." A one word answer causes more confusion than a lengthy explanation.

Raito opens his mouth for a comeback and his brain shuts down. _Posters? Huh?_

"Misa is very happy. Raito wants her posters! I'll get as many as Raito wants. Just tell Misa the size!"Misa leaps to her feet and bounces around. "Ryuuzaki-san was right! He said Raito will get embarrassed and asked Misa not to mention this surprise. But Misa wants to get the size right!"

"Misa is so sorry!" She looks apologetically at L.

"I understand the attraction Misa-san must feel towards Raito-kun. It is perfectly normal." L drinks his tea gingerly, grimaces a little when the wounds on his lips burn.

Raito feels a punch in his stomach. _All this pointless conversation and fighting had been about posters!_ L is making him paranoid. It was deliberate. He is sure of it. All is not for vain though. Raito did set up his own testing. He sat on L minutes ago and felt L's erection forming quite rapidly. At least he knows L truly desires him physically. He only miscalculated his own feelings for L.

A ping of tingly sensation lets Raito know that his bulge is not going down any time soon. He leans forward a bit and plays along with L's little tale.

"Yes, Misa. One poster is enough, A1 size if you can, but I think A4 should be enough."

Misa jumps up and dances giddily toward the phone to place a call to her agency. She is overheard to stress on having a poster be reserved and delivered by today, in pristine condition.

"Misa, we really should go. My dad has just returned and we have much to discuss." Both him and L head for the door.

Misa almost drops the phone. Raito has the sense to glance backwards and flash her his picture perfect smile. He thanks her in his seductive tone. Misa blushes and sighs, "Any time, Raito."

Raito closes the door behind him. He whips around to stare intently at L. "You call that a favor?"

"I was only assisting Raito-kun in keeping a healthy relationship with Misa-san. What other favors does Raito-kun have in mind?"

The question is too suggestive to be ignored. Since Raito is not accustomed to this kind of thinking, he chooses not to speak and walks on. He will let L know his answer soon.

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_Note_: Thanks for all your reviews and support! I must say this is quite unexpected :) However, there's a kind of dramatic change in real life and I must tend to that before I can start Chapter 4. The stress had made it possible for me to finish these 3 chapters fast but right now it is too much and it's blocking my thoughts. I apologize in advance.

-M.H., Jan 29, 2007


	4. Chapter 4 Message

The idea came to me late Tuesday night. This chapter may or may not be important for later development, but I just had to write it down. I've borrowed some references so if you think it sounds familiar, then yeah, that must be it.

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_Chapter 4_

It is evening, one day after their fight over L's absurd poster tale. Raito has a warped sense of satisfaction seeing L deprived of the usual method in which he consumes his sugary food. The wounds on their lips are still tender. L has his bare feet on the sofa again, knees bent. The corners of Raito's mouth twitch a little when he sees L drinking the sugar saturated tea through a straw. There is so much sugar that the tea looks sluggish and it's quite probable that the liquid can crystalize under room temperature.

Watari had brought in a protective cardboard roll and a tiny plastic package during dinner yesterday. The recipient was addressed to Light Yagami. He swore mildly while he was opening the roll, knowing full well what it contained. Sure enough, it was a poster of Misa. In a revealing bikini swimsuit. He would venture a guess that was the least clothing she had on for her promotional materials. Fortunately, she never stripped for the cameras. Otherwise, Raito would get an eyesore-ful of Misa.

L's widened eyes seemed animated because of the poster. Perhaps he wanted the poster for himself. _Damn L for his duplicity._ Raito turned his attention to the mysterious package. It was white on the surface and grey at the underside, the kind perfect for sending confidential documents through air courier. He pressed on it and felt for the contents with his fingers and palms. Something soft was inside, mingled with something crackly. Maybe it was a piece of paper with a scarf?

"The package is safe, Raito-kun." Was L trying to reassure him?

Raito knew that all personnel and materials entering the building must go through a security checkpoint. Aizawa had shown them how troublesome that was the other day. It was a good thing his boxers didnot contain metal, otherwise he'd had to remove them to confirm he had nothing to hide. Nothing harmful could enter without L's knowledge. Having L reminding him of the fact was annoying.

"Of course. Nothing can happen here without you knowing it." Raito continues in a calm voice. "Perhaps you can enlighten me on the contents of this package?"

"That's impossible."

"Impossible? Why? You seemed certain that it could cause no harm."

"This package was not sent from the outside. Only the roll containing the poster was brought in by an external source."

"I see." Raito really didn't see. Watari would know where this came from. Anyhow, it wasn't appropriate to waste time on unimportant matters. He started to remove the cello tapes binding the package. It was unsealed within seconds.

Upon making contact with the materials inside the plastic pack, Raito was caught slightly off guard. He was careful to take out the piece of paper only.

The paper read:

"**Want to see me with/without these? (circle your answer!)**

**Any time, my knight!**

**love,**

**MISA MISA**"

Raito threw away the paper in irritation, but not before crumbling it.

"I envy you, Raito-kun." L had one index finger pressing against his lower lip. _Ah, L saw the message. _"Perhaps you can enlighten me on the contents of this package?" _One sick individual._

"It is merely a silly joke. It's nothing."

The sudden silence was oppressive.

"I can tell it must be something. Otherwise, Raito-kun would not have this odd behavior."

Raito thought L was a fine one to tell him that! 'Odd behavior' must be one of the many peculiar descriptions under L's profile.

L could not allow even the tiniest clue to pass by unchecked. Raito was already the prime suspect for Kira. If the second Kira had sent a message disguised as a teasing note along with other items for their next kill, then they must be stopped before another victim turned up, no matter what.

Since the package was on the table, L took the bottom corners of it with the thumb and index finger of both hands to turn it upside down. The contents were exposed.

A slip in cream color. Two long tubes of thigh highs in sheer nude.

"There, Ryuuzaki. Happy now?"

L held up the slip by its thin ribbon straps. It was made of rayon, the texture was velvety and it had a slight sheen when observed under a certain angle. He brought it closer and inhaled deeply. Next, he examined the thigh highs, one by one. His two fingers from each hand ran through the entire length of the stocking. He lingered on the material a bit longer than necessary. Also taking deep breaths at the semitransparent garments, he finally stretched them out before laying them on the table. The whole scene was disturbingly erotic to Raito. He got an instant hard-on.

"Scent of a woman." L suddenly spoke. "Raito-kun, do these belong to Misa-san?"

"I don't have a clue." Raito admitted, elbows leaning on knees. L took that as another telltale sign. _Were they not boyfriend and girlfriend? Was it in fact a superficial cover for both Kira to liaise forces only?_

"It's not like we're intimate or anything." Raito expanded further, when L stared blankly at him. "She is a popular model. I'm just not that...let's just say the Kira case is more important right now than my relationship with her."

A very convenient excuse. L returned the flimsy garments into the plastic pack. He glanced sideways at Raito. Raito only hoped he hadn't noticed his excitement over how he handled these pieces of clothing. He had been stimulated enough for the day, thanks to the accidental piping problem.

"I shall keep these articles until I can have a word with Misa-san." Misa had a hectic schedule and had several scenes that she had to finish within the next few days.

Raito couldn't stifle a laugh. _If L wanted to keep Misa's intimate apparels, he need not give any reason for justification. Did L see something in a slip and thigh highs? Perhaps these were actually weapons in disguise. Yeah, definitely items from a woman's arsenal._ Raito was actually disappointed that L showed such interest in those garments. He was almost certain that L would find him more intriguing. He put this away for future reference.

"Ryuuzaki, you're overreacting. The package is safe, you said so yourself. Now you're suspicious over nothing. How contradictory."

"Small details count, no matter how unimportant they may seem initially. Under my observations and analysis of both of you, this love message seems rather out of place to me. Besides, it is my job to suspect people." L thus concluded his thoughts.

Raito ponders absentmindedly while he watches L slurping on his saccharine drink. So he is still on the hit list. _No matter, I'm innocent and I'll prove it to him._ He tries to suppress the urge to yawn. The sexual tension building up during the day is tiring him out. He had let it slip that he isn't exactly infatuated with Misa yesterday. L obviously had picked up the not so subtle message and used it to his own amusement. He has made it a point to tease him mercilessly. _Yes, I'm definitely on the hit list._

Hours of daylight have reduced. It is October after all. The investigation team took their leave half an hour ago. Members scattering to their respective homes had left them alone at the sofa inside the main room. L took his sweet time to let the tea cool before drinking it. Raito is bored and tired.

"You do look like you need to rest, Raito-kun." That is an understatement.

"I suppose. Let's go to bed." This reply is either very innocent or quite heavily loaded.

"Very well." It is difficult to discern L's actual thoughts. The tone is neutral and harmless. Could it also be an affirmative response to Raito's masked challenge?

* * *

_Note:_ Thanks for all your reviews! Special thanks to kiiroi yumetobu who has given me a suggestion about what the poster should be. Sorry that I can't follow through with it though. It doesn't stick :) I also appreciate the silent readers out there. It gives me great pleasure to know someone enjoys my work.

My personal crisis is not over yet, but the pressure is bearable at the moment. My brain still functions fine but I believe the posting date for the coming chapters will be sporadic. I'm on a roller coaster ride here so please just bear with me. Comments are always welcome.

-M.H., Feb 1, 2007


	5. Chapter 5 Dreams

No lemon yet. Hope to get one up soon. But still, some 'disturbing' scenes here. To read or not to read, your choice.

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_Chapter 5_

Raito doesn't remember falling asleep.

Upon entering the bedroom, they went about their business of changing clothes. L does have different clothes. They simply look the same. Raito didn't wear his pajamas tonight. Instead, he donned his tennis shirt and shorts. As he had discovered the liberating feeling of having no underwear on yesterday, he allowed himself to skip this garment, if only for bedtime.

Surprisingly, L wasn't eating. He had his back to Raito and sat on the edge of the bed, boring his eyes into the notebook screen and typing away occasionally. Raito had a flashback about L watching a certain recording for pure entertainment purpose the other night. His heart pounded a little faster.

He doesn't know L that well, yet L seems to be fairly familiar with him, inside and out. He has been chained to this man for the past 10 weeks, though scant information could be learned. _What does it take to have a breakthrough? Why is Kira so elusive? How many more lives must be lost before justice catches up? _Despite these maddening questions that would never have an immediate answer, Raito's eyelids felt heavier as the seconds passed by.

He awakes with a start. He is on campus. Walking beside him is the famous ice princess, Kiyomi Takada. He finds having conversations with her intellectually stimulating, which is rare among the female population. He doesn't remember why she is there though. It doesn't matter since he knows this is a dream.

"Yagami-kun. Good afternoon."

Ryuuga is here. _No, L is his true identity but that other name just comes to mind naturally._ That was the name L used for enrollment to the university after all. Takada falls silent. Raito asks to be excused. Before she turns away, Ryuuga jumps off the park bench, saunters closer to Raito until they are only an inch apart and gives him a squeeze. In the crotch. Raito is not as alarmed at the unforeseen action as he should be. What is startling is that he responds to the touch. Takada hurries away in fright and leaves the two of them alone.

Ryuuga tilts his face closer until their lips almost make contact. Raito looks away, feeling a warm blush spreading through his cheeks. The scene has changed. He is at a tennis match against Ryuuga, or L. His cheeks are warm from the exertion. It is exhilarating. Sports is healthy, a good substitute to sex. _Why does that cross my mind?_ He has missed the ball, which happens to strike him on the wrist. The one with the chain. _Wait, I'm not chained to anything!_ He loses his balance and plunges sideways.

He lies on the floor, gazing at metal bars. An unpleasant place that has been home to him for many agonizing days. With arms and feet bound, there isn't a whole lot that he could do. There is an itch that he couldn't scratch. Being too obvious about it would show up under the camera. He curls up his legs and presses them tight. Once. Twice. The itch develops into something else. _Not a good sign._ He cannot recall a time that he has to ignore his body while it's crying out for release days after days.

The cell door swings inwards in silence. L strolls in, eyes focusing on his intently, drilling holes through his skull. Perhaps he is expecting to catch a hint of guilt. None could be found. He feels detached, as if he is a different person. He knows in his heart that most parts of these events had indeed taken place, with perhaps some slight variations. The human mind works in mysterious ways. Dreams are uninhibited by products from a subconscious state of being. Yet he is conscious of the images and sensations that pass by in fleeting moments. He is reliving random parts and pieces, though the significance of such purpose is lost. It doesn't matter since he knows this is a dream.

L crouches next to Raito. He puts a right hand on Raito's shoulder, near his collarbone. His other hand uncurls Raito's legs, as if checking for hidden devices that could compromise his safety. Only a tent in Raito's crotch is revealed.

"I'd be very disappointed if Raito-kun were trying to conceal a weapon in such a manner."

It is a very bad joke if L was making an attempt to be humorous. Raito is not a wizard. He cannot conjure up anything even if he wanted to. They have a camera on him 24/7, don't they?

"Ever since Raito-kun has been locked up, the killings have stopped. This correlation cannot be ignored. It is apparent that Raito-kun is Kira. I'm looking forward to a confession from you."

L is biased. There is no doubt about it. He had hypothesized that only Raito could be Kira. Even Raito is starting to believe.

L has his thumb pressed against a vein at Raito's neck. His fingers are in position to choke him if necessary. His other hand travels lazily around Raito's hips, circling his rising protrusion. Fingertips have started to trace along the length to the pinnacle. Raito swallows hard and squirms away. L grasps firmly on his rigid member and further struggling only induces sensations Raito would rather not have at the moment. L's thumb picks up Raito's accelerated pulse. Raito's feeble thrashing is futile.

"Raito-kun seems eager to be released." L doesn't show any particular emotion, "Prolonged confinement has that effect on people. It wears down their mental shield."

When Raito ceases movement, L begins to massage the treasure within his grip. Raito shuts his eyes tightly and shudders. Despite his deep frown, his arched feet and slightly raised hips speak truthfully of the pleasant delights he is experiencing.

"Admit that you are Kira. We can both benefit from it." L continues to knead at Raito's arousal.

"Nnn...nooo, I'm not Kira..ahh. How...how many times do I...ahhh..." He is getting dangerously close to the peak.

This is an extremely underhanded tactic. L is looking for a scapegoat. He originally thought L had more class than that. Raito starts to pound the back of his skull against the floor and hopes the pain can dampen the excitement coursing through his veins, to give him strength to endure this interrogation, if that's what it is.

"You are a stubborn one, Raito-kun. Though you have proved yourself to be extremely capable of coping with adverse conditions, if somewhat to an excessive extent, that still contributes nothing towards erasing your suspicion." L cushions his head with his palm. "Under other circumstances, there would be a high possibility that we could have become partners working side by side, if not the best of friends."

L lowers his head to Raito's and touches his lips on his. _Hold on. This little episode never happened!_ Raito draws back in bewilderment, remembering the fact too late. _Touching is okay but kissing is no no. What a slut!_ He's disgusted with himself.

Misa is standing in front of him. She looks dazed with a deep blush. They are inside his bedroom. _Ah, we just kissed._ Raito feels indifferent. There's a calculating coolness within him. There was no passion in the kiss. He doesn't understand why they kissed in the first place.

As his mind wanders, the scene shifts. Misa is gone. It's no longer nighttime. He lounges in bed. Naked except for a pair of pantyhose he has on. _What the hell?_ His right hand starts to go about its business. This time, he cannot control his actions. He is strangely captivated by the intensified pleasure the silky material provides in addition to his own ministration. Precum soaks through and the lubrication triggers a familiar wave, making him tremble in anticipation. Although this is a dream, the sensations are too real, as if his body is recreating the experience from an actual event. Unexpectedly, someone else is touching his erection.

Raito opens his eyes groggily and finds that he cannot see a thing. It is too dark. He tenses and realizes the pantyhose is gone. It was another dream.

A moment later, he feels something velvety getting sheathed onto his arousal. He remembers too well of the texture of such material. There is no mistake that it's the sheer thigh high from the other day. He gets harder, if that's possible. Fingers have spread the fabric around and he feels something warm and hard sliding into the silky sheath, against the underside of his member. His balls are pressed lightly by something equally warm. Those fingers have slipped in between his erection and the other foreign object for further adjustment, sliding in the stocking so that each one is surrounded by the material with only a thin layer from each separating them. In no time, the smooth sheath is ready, binding them together snugly.

A hand has covered the exterior and starts moving upwards and downwards. The soft fabric acts like a second skin that brings forth sinful sensations. Perhaps Raito was in denial, but there is no doubt at this point what this foreign object is. It is another person's erect penis. Raito is horridly fascinated. As more precum oozes out from both, additional lubrication is provided. The layers between them are soaked to deliver silken frictions. Both engorged lengths rub together in a quickened pace inside the velvety prison as the up and down motion becomes frenzied. Raito feels like the silk has melted and has traveled inside to caress him inch by inch.

The other person shifts and lies on top of Raito. It is L. He can tell by the sweet breaths L gasps out. Besides, he has a unique scent that Raito has grown to like during their weeks cuffed together.

L straddles Raito while keeping his torso flat against him. He has their sheathed erections sandwiched between their abdomens, deepening the smooth tightness through this contact. The sinuous movements and the silken grip combined have grown to be too powerful. Raito cannot hold back. Tremors run through him as he comes into the silk cocoon. L gets further stimulated by the hot fluid and reaches orgasm a few seconds later.

Raito takes a few ragged breaths, shaken by this rather unusual experience. _This is a dream, right?_ He desperately hopes so and expects to wake up soon to find everything returned to normal. At the moment, he is impaired to distinguish between dreams and reality.

* * *

Note: Within the last 12 hours, there are already comments about this chapter being confusing. Please PM me which part(s) you don't get and I'll try my best to answer. If you have suggestions that can help to alleviate this problem, I'm all ears.

-M.H., Feb 16, 2007

_side note:_ confusion explained -

I know I've lost some of you somewhere by the end. What's the deal with the stocking and binding together? Here's an example for DIY demo -

Take a sock out and stick 2 fingers in. Dip the tip of the sock in between your fingers until the sock has covered both digits. It's kind of like flipping the sock inside out partially. It's still a tube outside, but inside, the sock separates your fingers. Fingers are much slimmer so it won't be a perfect fit :) Now go back and reread the paragraphs.


	6. Chapter 6 Plan

_Chapter 6_

A week has passed without incidents. That does not bode well with Raito. It almost feels like L is neglecting him on purpose. His disinterest in everything else apart from the investigation (and cakes) is highly valued as a detective, but not as a _normal_ person. For those few days that something did happen, Raito has finally thought L was a human being after all. Was.

In that morning he woke up from the weirdest and most erotic dream or dreams, which he cannot recall, he could barely find any remaining trace of that night's activities. The only clue was a white plastic pack not quite hidden entirely under L's pillow. That package. Since L had faced the other way, Raito took his chance. He was extra cautious in reducing the noise and disturbance while he sorted through the contents. Yes, the slip was there. Then the thigh high. Upon contact, his loins contracted and his shorts felt too tight. There was only one stocking. He even took it out to make sure. _Where did the other one go?_

He still had his shorts on. L wasn't trying to get into his pants. Raito had to conclude that he was indeed dreaming, though he still had his suspicions. Dreams are supposed to be something that one can forget easily, yet the last one had refused to fade away from his memory. The doubts continue to gnaw at him, telling him that it was more than a dream.

There was one time the three of them were on a 'date' in Misa's room. Misa had crossed her legs and her skirt had ridden up a few inches to reveal the opaque bands at the top of her sheer stockings. Raito got rock hard within seconds. He never had this peculiar response before the dream. In haste, he asked to be excused on the pretense that he had a mild case of diarrhea. L wasn't convinced but he didn't say a word. That gave Raito a graceful exit of bending forward and hugging his own stomach on his way out.

Since then, L hasn't approached him on any personal levels, keeping everything strictly to business. It is disappointing but it has its advantage. He can direct his energies on more important matters.

Matsuda had almost screwed up and, because of his utter stupidity, the Yotsuba Group was made aware of Misa. Combined with the talents of L's shady acquaintances, Aiber and Wedy, they have successfully tapped into their building. They are now able to monitor their every meeting.

L has never ceased to question Raito's innocence. Whether implied or otherwise, he is plain about his thoughts to the point of being annoying.

Today, L has a plan for Misa. Despite Raito's disagreement, L has carefully laid out his reasoning, closing his case with the irrefutable fact of her love for Raito. She is completely taken by his deep understanding of her feelings and has declared L to be her friend.

To prepare her meeting with the management team at Yotsuba, L has added some last minute contingency procedures should the initial plan fail.

"Misa-san, your audience would be composed of males, most likely all from the group members themselves. Please remember that you are to judge their reactions when they are most off guard. The typical men would find it difficult to resist the charms from a female, especially from one as attractive as Misa-san." L's eyeballs rotate ever so slightly to Raito's direction before they return to focus on Misa, the movement is imperceptible if one doesn't pay attention to it. Raito notices.

"Of course, I cannot presume to attach any particular preference to the general population. Nevertheless, if by the end they are impervious to our original plan to reveal any response, then a maiden in distress is always a fine backup. Misa-san, try to be demure while showing them you have a feisty character, but do attempt to keep it humanly possible. The contrast should be appealing enough to ensnare the typical males. With very few exceptions, most do not think with their heads up here."

Both Raito and Misa have their jaws open, an incredulous expression starts to form on their faces.

"You may want to be brassiere free during the interview, Misa-san. It is fashionable nowadays for the modern females. The interviewers may find that irresistible and it will add a certain level of persuasion while obscuring their judgment."

Misa yells at L and gives a hard shove to his head, outraged that he lays out such a scandalous plan in front of Raito, even though she is willing to do anything for the man she loves so dearly.

With that settled, the investigation team is split into two, using their own methods to get to the heart of the matter.

Raito is not pleased that L has bullied his way to enlist Misa's help through devious psychological reasoning. However, his mood is not affected. He has other plans for L.

Raito has observed that L has been avoiding anything alcoholic. In a previous conversation some time ago, he had asked about allergies and L had claimed that he has none. That leaves Raito a clear conscience of what he prepares to do next.

The bedroom door closes for an umpteenth time. L stops in mid track and stares curiously at the tea table. In addition to L's late night snacks, there are two cups of light brown milky liquid and a few boxes of chocolates in tiny bottle shapes wrapped in shiny foils.

"I smell alcohol." L sniffs the air.

Indeed, Raito has the liquid heated a bit, but not too hot, for L to blend in more sugar. Watari didn't refuse his request, though he had a mildly inquisitive look when Raito whispered the order at him.

"This is Bailey's. I've requested it to be warm. Yes, it is alcoholic. But it's a good blend with the coffee taste. I tried it some time before and it'd helped me to sleep better. Good for chilly nights too. Care to try some?"

Raito doesn't wait for a response. He diverts his attention to the boxes and starts to remove the wrapper from a tiny chocolate bottle and slips it between his lips before munching on it.

"Hmm..."

L swallows. "That looks delicious, Raito-kun."

"Be my guest."

L doesn't need further encouragement. He chokes a little when the alcohol from the chocolate bottle sprays down his throat. L sticks out his tongue comically.

"Wash it down with this." Raito passes him the cup.

L takes a sip at the warm Bailey's and finds that he likes it. He proceeds to drop sugar cubes into the cup. It is rare to see him gulping down a drink so swiftly. L sets down the empty cup and eyes the second cup covetously.

"Raito-kun, if you are not drinking that, then I'll have it."

"By all means, have mine as well."Raito is being too sweetly generous. He understands L is a detective with a mortal weakness. Sweet edibles.

While L stirs the liquid to dissolve the newly added sugar cubes, the effect of the alcohol materializes. There is a hint of a blush on L's cheeks, a clear contrast against his white sweatshirt. He has planted both feet onto the floor instead of his usual sitting posture.

"L, I have wondered how you can know so much about me while I know nothing about you at all?"

"It is professional detachment, Raito-kun. You are a suspect. It is my duty to ascertain all aspects of a person under suspicion in order to gather data for an investigation. The suspect does not need to be aware of irrelevant information."

"'Detachment' my ass."

"Raito-kun would like to see an attachment to it then?"L is being flippant, unusually so. He takes a sip. His blush deepens.

Raito realizes that alcohol can actually affect the great detective just like any other human beings. It explains why L leaves it out of his menu. Still, the intensity of such an effect is remarkably strong in this case. _Never drink alcohol on an empty stomach. _Raito doesn't consider desserts to be food.

Whisperings of cloth against skin bring Raito's attention to L. The detective is taking off his white sweatshirt. His chest has a V shape flush. Overall, he is pale and a little on the underweight side, though the sinewy muscles speak of hidden strength. The shirt is jammed at the cuff by his right wrist. L reclines in bed, half conscious while he attempts to search his pockets in his pants for the key.

Obviously, they do need to get unchained whenever they change clothes or shower. Since Raito believes he is innocent, he does not need to flee like a criminal during those times of momentary freedom.

"Raito-kun, please help me to find the key. It's in my pocket."

His shirt has no pockets. That is obvious. _Wonderful._ L is asking him to search through all four of his pockets in his pants. He might as well take them off for him and do some shaking until the key drops out. The thought creates conflicting emotions.

Raito will start with the back pockets. He doesn't even need to reach in. All that is necessary is to feel for an outline of the key. L has loose jeans on and that makes the job easy. _Not in his back pockets._

The front pockets then. Since Raito saw L searching his left pocket in vain, from subtractions, it should be inside his right pocket. This time though, he needs to reach in to get the key.

Raito pushes aside L's right arm, which is entangled with the white sweatshirt, and continues on his way. It is a deep pocket. Raito is being cautious to keep the contact to a minimum, even though they are not skin to skin. His fingertip feels the tiny key. _Yes, I found it!_

From a certain angle, if someone enters the bedroom, the scene would surely cause misunderstanding that could take some time to explain. Though Raito detects a tent rising at L's fly, he is determined to get the key out fast.

At that point, L curls up his legs and flips sideways, burying Raito's hand deep at his crotch. Raito is too aware of the hot hardness. This is not what he is expecting, but then perhaps he'd had that idea hidden in his subconscious from the very beginning. He gets oddly stimulated and grips at L's arousal through the jeans pocket. It is his first time touching someone else's erection. L grows larger within his clasp.

"Raito-kun...I need you..."

* * *

_Note:_ Thanks for all your reviews. I appreciate the fact that some of you do enjoy my story. If you see anything out of place, do feel free to point it out. I can take criticism, if provided with good reasons.

I really wish I could finish all chapters in one day, but that's not humanly possible. If it's only a 'please update' comment, please PM me and let me know. Thanks!

-M.H., Feb 24, 2007


	7. Chapter 7 Contact

_Note:_ It's L x Raito. You have been warned.

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_Chapter 7_

"I need you..." L breathes out, barely able to form coherent vowels with his tongue and lips. "...need you to get the key for me."

Raito blinks twice, taken aback by L's contradictory reactions. His words don't match with his body language. Wasn't L trying darn hard to put him through all those tests and tricks? To fuck his mind? The signs were and still are there in plain view. _Now L is playing coy? What the hell? _

L may be losing control of his body, but certainly not his mind. There is a spark of clarity shining through the intoxicated mush that is his brain. He understands exactly what is going on. He consumed the alcoholic drink to drench Raito's curiosity. Raito would be making fruitless efforts if L doesn't stop him now. He has learned that he cannot ejaculate when he is drunk, though alcohol does make him exceptionally amorous. _Kira or not,_ _I want Raito. I need to be inside of him. But not now._

Tiny thrills of pleasure travel from his pulsating flesh to deep within his being. Curling up is his favorite position when he masturbates. The fact that Raito's palm is inside his jeans pocket going at his crotch is now one new chapter at his book of erotic fantasies. Raito's fingers have moved.

L has boxers on and that leaves plenty of space for further maneuvering. Those fingers have sought out the leg opening and have settled on the real object itself, pulling it through. Through the thin cottony fabric of the jeans pocket, Raito's fingers have encircled his length and a fingertip has caught the underside of the ridge of his sensitive head. One simple innocent (is it though?) flick sends L over the edge. _It is impossible! _L is amazed at the level that Raito can excite him so. The temperature is definitely rising in his cheeks, on top of his drunkenness.

Raito continues to massage at him. It doesn't make sense. _Why am I still erect?_ L feels another pleasant storm building up. _Ah, a dry orgasm?_ He has never had one of these before. Another hurricane hits him, leaves him with an arched back and trembling thighs. _I can get addicted to this if I'm not careful._

The spidery wisps of pleasure suddenly turn into slivers of pain. His erection is holding for far too long. It loses its ferocity and goes down. Raito is mystified once again. He has sensed the differing states L went through and they should be similar to his own. _How different can the male anatomy be from person to person? _The point is L hasn't ejaculated. Raito would've felt it through the jeans pocket. Nothing happened. Zilch. Unless L has been practicing Tantric sex, or something similar, it feels like a failure on Ratio's part.

"Yagami-kun, you were not listening to me." L whispers in his hoarsely slurred voice. "I've specifically asked for the key. Not a jerk off."

Raito's blush is a match to L's. With his shaky (jerk off) hand, he takes out the key, untangles the sweatshirt and unlocks the cuff. L is now free to get stark naked if he wants. Raito may as well unlock his own cuff too since it defeats the purpose if one person is chained and the other is not.

Raito cannot make L come. It is an undeniable fact. Even in that 'dream', L was able to elicit the ultimate physical response from him, however awkward the situation was. This bruise to his ego has diminished his libido somewhat. His pulse gradually returns to normal as he falls into a dreamless slumber.

At dawn, Raito feels his pajama top getting eased away gently from his torso. He wakes up with a raging erection, as is often the case these days. He is still lethargic from sleep and he believes that's the only reason he allows those hands to roam free.

A warm and wet flick at Raito's left nipple sets off a current to give him a firmer erection. Lips have placed small kisses around his nipple. The tip of a tongue is toying with it until it is hard. The association between nipple and groin is strong. His arousal is left alone, yet there is a caressing sensation at his hardness whenever his nipple is attended to.

Fingers have tweaked at his other nipple. It gets erect instantly. Both nipples receiving either hand or mouth stimulation set off Raito to thrust his hips upwards, helplessly lost in wanton delights. His pajama bottoms have been stretching over his stiff head with a darker spot soaked with clear precum. The soft yet slightly coarse cotton helps to caress the lubricated spot. Raito rotates his hips to rub against the fabric, pushing himself a level higher.

He can smell L's sweet sweet breath. His nipple is thoroughly loved with gentle sucking from lips and tiny nips with teeth. His other one is also having a splendid time receiving pleasure from L's fingers. His hands clench and unclench at the sheets. Frantic movements from his hips merge the sensations together to form an ecstatic formula. He gives a breathless groan as the answer comes out.

This is a new experience for Raito. He always thought nipple play is suitable for females only. Realizing he has shut his eyes in the process, he opens them to gaze contentedly at his pleasure giver. Dark eyes that are very much alert have focused on him. The alcohol has clearly passed through L's system.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" Raito has to wonder.

L gives him an indirect feedback. He pinches at the sticky fabric at his crotch and rubs it in.

"Please stop that. It's not funny." That earns a chuckle from L.

Raito has an absolute need to discard the bottoms. The cold stickiness is causing much discomfort. He does so and wipes himself clean with the rest of the garment. That leaves him gloriously naked. _Fuck..I'm in bed naked with another man. Not just any man. It's L! I'd be doubly damned if he's naked too._

Raito shifts restlessly and his thigh connects with something warm and hard, as his other shin comes in contact with one of L's legs. Indeed, he is doubly damned. He curses inwardly.

Raito is at a dilemma. Never before had school or social life prepared him for this lesson. Being number one academically evidently means nothing in dealing with other aspects of life. _What should I do?_

He swipes at his forehead, made sweaty with desire moments before, with the back of his hand. His hand drops between the pillows. It lands on a plastic package. _Again?_

"I had meant to ask you about this. I thought you would put Misa through some questioning?"

"Ah, I thought Raito-kun would like to keep it. You seemed rather...fond of a particular piece of item the other night. It would be odd to return an incomplete package."

"Hold on. YOU were the one obsessive over... Wait! That was NOT a dream?"

Raito is flabbergasted. The simple implication speaks volumes of his shameless fascination on this deviant method of gaining sexual pleasures. His lips form a small 'oh', upon which L imprints his own lips. _That wasn't a dream; this isn't a dream either._

Faint rays of sunlight from sunrise shine in through the gaps between the flowing curtains. Raito can make out L taking the package and extracting the contents unceremoniously. He picks up the stockings. The missing one has returned. He ignores the slip by nudging it aside. Raito's manhood springs to life once again. Being young has certain advantages.

The room is shrouded mostly in shadows but he isn't as surprised by the familiar feeling of a silky sheath enveloping his erection as the fact that L is pulling the same mischief on him twice.

Fingers have molded the toe seam against the swelled up head and smoothes the rest along his length. A wrinkled bunch of extra material naturally gathers at the base. L wraps the spare fabric at his sack. Raito loves the silken sensation. As his hardened flesh grows in circumference, the soft tube gloves him better. L continues to fondle at the velvety length.

Raito grits his teeth with each quivering breath. _How can this be so arousing? This is not right! But then who determines right from wrong?_ He decides to take matters into his own hands and does the same to L. A sharp intake of breath from L pleases Raito. L shudders from the efforts of holding back the tidal wave. Raito has turned the table. Maybe. Maybe not.

Raito catches L's outline stretching an arm towards the tea table. Caught in the throes of delicious sensations, he doesn't care if he is stretching out a third arm. He receives a minor shock when his legs are spread apart. He is especially astonished when something cold and greasy is slathered at his butt hole. He tenses, releases his grip on L and actually loses a fraction of his erection when a finger slides in.

"Please relax, Raito-kun." L instructs with strained patience while continuing to stroke at his stocking gloved arousal. "This will be enjoyable for you."

The finger presses deeper, almost grazing at a gland behind the membrane. It is known to be highly pleasurable for the male, if stimulated correctly. Raito has only began to adjust to the pressure when a second finger enters, bringing in more of the greasy substance. His forcefully widened rectum causes him much discomfort. His erection continues to shrink. L corrects the problem with fellatio.

He takes in Raito's half erect manhood, stocking and all, and envelopes it entirely into his mouth. L lets his saliva soak through the material before he proceeds. Soon, Raito writhes in bliss, becoming rather energetic. That is the moment for the third finger to penetrate. L continues the oral stimulation.

Gradually, L's hand has replaced his mouth. The sudden release of the three fingers gives Raito a throbbing rush, similar to the sensation of a dentist finishing the violation with a patient's teeth and gums. More slippery substance is smeared at him before Raito feels a splitting pain between his legs.

"Nhhh...so tight. Yagami-kun is so tight." L slides in with much resistance. "Ahh..."

Tears sting Raito's eyes but he stings much worse down there. He is in pain. Inside. Everywhere. He refuses to show weakness though. After all, he is the instigator of this train of events. L is completely immersed in his own pleasure and appears to have forgotten about Raito. Feeling bitter, he digs his fingernails deeply into L's back. Crescent cuts draw blood.

L ceases movement. A tinge of guilt strikes him. He lowers his lips to lap at a nipple. His left hand returns to Raito's gloved manhood. The moist and slippery material persuades his love flesh to stiffen in excitement once again. Soon the pain is overcome by pleasure. His hardness is stroked at in rhythm with every thrust from L. His nipple receives continuous loving. His...his inside... _Is that a G spot?_

L has quickened his pace. His silent gasps become heavier. L's thumb grazes at the silky head to simulate a tongue in action. _If L weren't inside, I would've exploded a long time ago. _Raito wants this to be over with and he concentrates on his gloved member. _L was right, I like this too much. _He calls up the memory of the dream that wasn't a dream. In no time, he lets loose a shot of his love fluid at the velvety nest, some of which runs over L's fingers.

"Ahhh..Raito.. ahh...ahhh...RAITO- AAHHH-" L is already coming. This is the most passionate moment from the detective that Raito has ever witnessed.

Upon completion, it is almost anti-climatic. When L withdraws, a trickle of wetness drizzles out from Raito, as if he is urinating out of his ass. He feels used.

"Raito-kun, that was your first time." L is not asking a question.

Raito rolls on his side, facing away from L. His behind aches like hell.

L has the nerve to move closer and press his torso against his back. His flaccid member nestles in the valley at Ratio's buttocks. His arm reaches to the front and takes off the cum sodden stocking from Raito.

"I will do everything within my power to work out a mutually satisfying solution in the future." L's husky whisper against Raito's ear sounds both soothing and sensuous. "That, I can promise you, Raito-kun."

L is known for obtaining results by all means necessary. Raito closes his eyes, unable to analyze the sincerity behind those words. He drifts off to sleep feeling the cuff being clicked on his wrist once again. The connection is there between them, more than meets the eyes. For now, Kira doesn't exist and L is not a detective. They are simply men that have made a huge step closer to one another, however unwilling one side seems to be.

* * *

_More Notes:_ That was my best shot. I'm not very good at this, just so you know. I've had most of the chapter ready days before but couldn't do much about it. It was edited 20 plus times before it began to look presentable. Argghh...

As always, comments are welcome. If you have any suggestions, feel free to email me (somehow, I can't receive FF messages). Thanks for reading!

-M.H., March 3, 2007


	8. Chapter 8 Nonsense

_Chapter 8_

There was no awkwardness. No morning after scenes. At least, there wasn't any external sign of anything being extraordinary. Raito doesn't dazzle anyone with a bright smile when he wakes up and that remains constant. The only difference was he woke up to a very sore backside which was obviously not a cause to rejoice. L was also awake. He didn't bother to get dressed.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Raito took in the lean outline of L. All the fats and carbohydrates apparently had been sucked into a black hole. The phenomenon must be a result of his fathomless mind at work, consuming countless kilojoules at a mysterious rate. So, what took place hours ago should be more than a piece of cake for him.

Raito's eyes traveled south. He observed pale skin all the way, except the part which would only get darker with recurring use. That part was very much awake at that moment.

"Good morning, Raito-kun."

"Good morning." Raito mumbled curtly. His last line of physical defense was breached not long ago, so he could care less about getting caught staring. "Release me."

"So soon?" L put a thumb at his lips.

"I need a shower." Raito was bringing his gaze upwards and noticing something on the tea table that normally wouldn't interest him.

Several pieces of mutilated cake were on the silver tray. The top coating of whipped cream was torn violently from each, in which irregular spots of yellow had shown through. The patterns on the remaining cream formed trenches and whirls that could be caused either by rounded sticks or fingers. The possibility of the latter ones was more likely. The syrupy stickiness between his thighs was a testimony to L's peculiar, yet apt, choice of lubricant.

A flash of a nasty thought had flown by where he had a whole jar of ants and upend it everywhere on L. Ants love sugar too and Raito would like to see L's reaction. That cheered up his sour mood by a notch.

L was considerate enough to leave him in peace while he showered. His sensitivity was demonstrated further when they exited the bedroom to find Watari waiting outside. L ordered to have the cakes discarded in a quiet voice. By not having Watari serving him his morning tea or coffee, L had broken his routine of enjoying the drink in bed. On the other hand, how was Watari notified to stay away from the room if he didn't enter it in the first place? Because of Raito's odd beverage request? Through the cameras? Or had L instructed through his notebook? Raito was too full of pride to ask the question.

Raito's reverie about yesterday morning is broken off when Watari brings in a fresh tray of assorted cakes. He watches Watari intently. His usual humble butler appearance gives nothing away. _Too perfect._ _The old man must know then._ Raito shifts uncomfortably in his seat. L continues his monotonous narration.

"...one month it is then. Kira is restrained during this period. Though before we reached the agreement two days ago, there was one death resulting from a heart attack."

"Who?"

"It was the Chairman of one of Yotsuba's competitors. I'll call him T. He was 59 and obese. His wife has Alzheimer's and Parkison's disease. Her only means of moving about is through a wheelchair. Personal nurses attend to her around the clock."

"That's tragic. Come to think of it, she won't remember a thing. So her conditions could be a blessing at a time like this."

"You never know. T had taken a lover and I could attribute that partially to be the result of her conditions."

Raito's brows furrow in contempt. "A married couple should be committed to each other! _I_ would never take advantage of a girl's affections."

"Your previous actions had shown otherwise." L has to repeat something that Raito has no memory of. Since when did he ask Misa to be his girlfriend? Never. He seriously cannot recall anything that he should be ashamed of concerning girls.

"We went over this before. Let's not digress."

"Very well."

"When was the time of death?"

"During."

"Excuse me?"

"T died in his lover's bed. It was proven that their rendezvous had went beyond a stroll in the park."

L is not as matter of fact as his usual self. Too much irrelevant information. He has input too many of his personal opinions. Is this in fact a significant lead to Kira? He has omitted the name of the deceased man. Is he still suspicious of Raito? What difference would it make if the man was already dead?

"That's downright adultery. Punishable by law but certainly not a death sentence. I'm surprised Kira took interest."

"The better word to describe it would be 'sodomy'." L offers a correction. "I didn't specify the lover's gender."

Ten seconds of uneasy silence follow. Count in light-years and that'd be more than sufficient for 3 return trips between the Earth and the moon. Time stands still. _Is L thinking what I'm thinking?_

"I know about commitments. I'm committed to my works." L takes in a forkful of cake.

"You're missing the point...forget about it." Raito has thought he saw a spark of human emotions from L during the time they were...together. _Perhaps I'm wrong and he really is a despicable bastard. _This discussion feels somewhat insubstantial. It appears that L is using this case as a pastime to engage Raito in a preordained conversation. _What for? Another probe at my innocence?_

"I gather that you have all persons involved thoroughly investigated and everyone came up clean."

"Amazing." L aims his fork toward the half-eaten cake with delicate precision.

"Do I look like three?" Raito jumpstarts L's swivel chair with one of his crossed legs, making the chair spin. L's fork has missed the cake. He deserves it for still suspecting Raito to be Kira.

"Raito-kun is an extremely intelligent young man. I never said anything to the contrary." L plants one foot onto the floor to stop the revolving motion. 20 percent down.

"Perhaps I should grovel at your feet for holding me in such a high regard?"

"That would be quite entertaining." L considers, already picturing the image. That does not distract him from his cake though.

Raito makes a second attempt at the chair. The instant his toes touch the edge of the seat, L stomps down his other leg to secure Raito's foot between his knees.

"Intelligent, but immature." They face each other in a frozen moment, 4 feet apart (they both have 2 feet, believe me).

Raito knows he can unbalance L without much effort. He decides not to be predictable though. Instead, he eases in his foot along L's thighs until it reaches the dead end. Twisting his toes, he teases L's sensitive region. He smirks thinly as the inevitable response lies against the sole of his foot, the warmth seeping through his cotton sock.

"This is one unknown side of Raito-kun." L speaks in a low voice. "I see so much potential in you."

Watari enters silently. With fluid ease, L takes the offending foot and begins to press on the sole with his knuckles, directing the pressure on various reflex points while grasping the foot firmly with his other hand to make certain it stays on his thighs.

"Ow, that hurts."

"Then there must be an imbalance of energy within your body."

"I'm glad you're having fun."

"It's more effective without the sock. But for hygienic reasons, this will do."

"Oww...ahh, stop it!"

"You look too good to be unhealthy."

Raito has his hands folded in his lap to mask his raging arousal. Unlike L who has baggy jeans as a camouflage, Raito's attire does not allow for any cover up.

Watari stands next to L to serve the tea. Shortly, he leaves the room with an equally hushed composure.

"Are you done?" Raito definitely has an imbalance. His sexual energy is on the surplus side.

He draws back his leg, expecting resistance, but L has let go rather suddenly, causing the wheels underneath the chair to transport him backwards. Raito flails out his arms and legs to maintain balance and it pulls on the chain. The momentum forces L to lift up his feet in an instant, thus preventing the chair from getting tipped over. His chair bumps against Raito's.

"You had no idea how many people would pay to have the service. I was only doing you a favor. Foot reflexology has many health benefits." L rests his hands on his raised kneecaps.

"Thanks. But no thanks."

"Raito-kun is so cold."

"I'm quite hot and bothered." Raito mutters under his breath, which brings his attention back to the source. Something is tracing along it. L's toes. He has the advantage of being barefoot and it gives him ample room to aggravate Raito's condition.

"Measure for measure." L gives a rare flash of a smile.

"Oh yeah?" Raito holds L's jaws with both hands to meet his lips while locking his ankles against the base of L's chair.

He can taste L's sweetness. The candied entrance opens and entices him for a visit. He takes a quick tour with his tongue and lingers to converse deeply with the host. Guest and host entwine heatedly to engage in a universal conversation, in a language without words. The interaction up above adds exotic flavor to the stimulation down below. L never ceases movements of his foot and toes.

Raito could've walked away, but there is an irrational magnetism pulling at him, alluring him to stay. The scent and taste of L is overpowering. Grain by grain, L is filling in the void of a particular niche that's been lacking all his disciplined life. The physical attraction is undeniable. Yet, there is more to it.

Their kiss becomes urgent. One sucking on the other, teeth biting on lips, tongues darting to explore. The fierce mating of their tongues and the wicked movements of L's toes are bringing Raito to the verge of a climax. He trembles a little, suppressing the urge.

The phone rings. In a way, Raito feels relieved. He doesn't want to back down to appear the coward and he welcomes the untimely interruption. Though his father and Matsuda are not around, Mogi might be back with some data sheets any minute now. Perhaps that was what added to the excitement. They're playing with fire.

L breaks off to answer the phone. Work is more important. He holds the handset with a thumb and index finger. Raito puts some distance in between while L talks. His calm voice could've fooled the other person but not Raito. He notices that L is not unaffected by their little recreational activity.

The screen shows Misa speaking into the phone. She's with Aiber for their rehearsal, fine-tuning every minute detail for the meeting with the Yotsuba people tomorrow. Raito could just make out her high pitched tone through the receiver, which L holds an inch or so away from his ear. He hangs up soon afterwards.

"Misa-san is asking for your presence. She plays a vital role in our venture and I'd placate to her little whims if I were you." Raito is wary of L's seemingly pacifying attitude.

"Even if she wants to have you in bed?"

"If it comes to that," L has a far away look, "I'd have no objection."

"While chained?"

"Whether you like it or not, you're under monitoring with or without my physical proximity."

"You're demented."

They leave the main room, their breathing returning to normal. Misa flings herself at Raito when the door to her room is only halfway open, catching him off guard. Her arms encircle his neck and she giggles gaily.

"What if it weren't Raito-kun at the door?" L has a star-struck gaze fixed on Misa.

"It must be Raito! Misa can tell. Misa is so looking forward to every date that she just knows! Besides, Ryuuzaki-san never opens the door."She holds onto Raito tightly.

"Next time, allow me." L glances at Raito and appears genuinely regretful for not doing the humble service. Raito refrains from any wisecracking since the sizzling effect L had on him has not left entirely. Misa's closeness is fueling it. He grows hard again. Despite the subtle way he's inching his hips away, she notices.

"Hmm...Raito..."Misa blushes. "Are you sure you don't want to...?"

"Out of the question."

"Because of Ryuuzaki-san?"

"You can say that." Raito is being truthful, though the context is as diverge as it can get. The three of them have different interpretations to the same little phrase.

Misa sighs dramatically. "Misa used to be an unfortunate girl until she met Raito. She has never known true happiness sprung from love before that. Misa is ready to do anything to have more of that love. Tomorrow may be the last day of her existence."

"Is Ryuuzaki-san so cruel to not allow Misa some time alone with her Raito?" A flood of crystal liquid brims precariously at her shiny orbs and only one single tear spills onto her smooth cheek.

"I'd still be watching, whether here or there." L gestures in the general direction of the main room.

It is yet another one of her superb performances. The only faults lie in her tactic and choice of audience. She has used the wrong reasoning on the wrong man.

Misa looks downcast. They have been over this issue numerous times and, no matter what she'd said, he always has the same answer. She seems truly disappointed. That much isn't an act. Perhaps the simple secret to acting is to blend in some truths.

Misa's relentless whimsical pestering continues until the subject of her poster is mentioned. The vertical poster that can fit the width of a door is currently adorning the back of L and Raito's bedroom door (at L's insistence). L supplies the information in a helpful manner. She looks almost happy. Raito has successfully dislodged Misa from his torso.

"Misa will leave Raito a message so he can always remember her."

"I thought you've already sent me a message, along with the poster. It was quite something."

Misa looks puzzled. "Huh? It was only a poster. Did Misa do something wrong?"

"Let's see the poster now." L gives a wave to interrupt and heads for the door. Raito is perplexed and a seed of doubt grows.

_The package wasn't from Misa. That note was a printout and she doesn't have access to a printer in this building. L oversees everything and it doesn't take much to obtain items from others' possessions._ By the time they reach their bedroom, Raito has concluded that L had sent the package. That is totally nonsensical and it confuses Raito even more. _How would that aid with the investigation?_

The poster has a beach as the background. The upper half is a deep blue sky, clear and bright. It compliments Misa's blonde hair. It is at the sky that Misa starts to write something with her lipliner in dusky rose color. She pauses.

"Raito's name in English starts with a 'L' and not a 'R'?"

"Yes, Misa, the letter 'L' is correct. The spelling should be L-I-G-H-T. 'R' will make it Right, but that's wrong."

Misa draws two hearts overlapping each other, with an arrow piercing through. She writes 'Light' beside one heart and 'Misa' by the other one. Her fanciful signature follows. She's carrying out the task while standing on tiptoe. When she is unable to reach any higher, she frowns in frustration.

"Can Raito hold me up? Please?"

Misa is virtually weightless as Raito lifts her up, holding her by her slim waist. She plants a kiss to trail after her signature, the rouge from her lips embossed onto the blue sky.

It is at the same 'kiss' from Misa that L ogles at, hours later. He extends his palm in front of his eyes, blocking off Raito's 'ight' on the poster.

"Very convenient." L is referring to the 'L' on the poster."Though without me, there would be no Light."

"You put too much importance onto yourself."

L is about to say something when a knock sounds at the door.

* * *

-I've been lazing off for a couple weeks. Then when I started to write something, I kept on forgetting to save the changes. It took me forever to finish. I hope the chapter's not too confusing or boring. I wasn't thinking in English so if any helpful individuals spot something that could be made better, do let me know. Thanks for reading!

-M.H., March 29, 2007


	9. Chapter 9 Choice

-It's the bedroom, so there's something, but not a big something.

* * *

_Chapter 9_

"Come in." L answers to the knocking. He recognizes it to be Watari's style. Ratio doesn't. He is aware of a tray at the tea table. It is an odd hour for anyone to visit.

Watari glides elegantly into the room, balancing a silver tray. The item on it contrasts quite strongly against the manner in which it is brought into the room.

A Styrofoam cup of instant noodles is being taken on a grandiose journey on its way to the tea table. It is not open. There's no boiling water. No chopsticks. Raito doubts that L could use chopsticks. Who needs to use sticks on cakes and sweets?

"Have a good evening, gentlemen." Watari bows slightly before his soundless exit.

Unlike Raito, who has scrutinized every step and movement Watari had made, L has never taken his eyes off the poster. Maybe Raito was expecting a bunny to pop out from the cup, just as L was perhaps imagining Misa to climb out of the poster any second now.

"You do like to be extreme." Raito is the first to speak.

"I said I understood about commitments. I really do." L is cryptic as always.

Noodles. Commitment. Never before in Raito's life had he been challenged to connect two words together with such difficulty.

"If you have plans to change your diet, go for something healthier. This is not food. It's junk." Raito disproves of L's choice of 'food'.

"It's not for me."

Raito ignores L's quiet protest. "The ingredients there will certainly shorten your lifespan faster than your cakes would. People are killing themselves. Corporations are reaping profits out of it along the way. It's a destructive cycle."

"I'm touched by your concern over my well being, Raito-kun."

"Don't mistake it as a concern for you. It's only common sense."

"Does Raito-kun hate me?" L rarely talks about emotions. He is all business when he is not alone with Raito. Is L craving for something that only Raito can give him? Perhaps this 24/7 monitoring business is affecting L as well. In what way, no one can surmise.

"I thought you said irrelevant information is unnecessary?"

"One must deem a subject to matter enough in order to express hatred. By your avoidance of my question, it only confirmed the answer; therefore I can safely assume that you were indeed expressing concern."

"Apparently not." Raito is not about to be cornered. "The only one showing anything here is you, L. You've practically drooled all over yourself."

L traces the tip of his tongue against his lips carefully in a counterclockwise direction. Raito gulps and averts his gaze, but the image has etched into his mind. His heart pounds hard and loud.

"I understand how embarrassing it is to express certain feelings." The intensity level with which L studies the poster should be enough to cause it to self combust. He is not even glancing at Raito. "However, it is odd that Raito-kun continues to disregard Misa-san's affections."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?"

"Don't let me stop anything. Raito-kun may carry on as usual."

"You really are a pompous ass."

"Raito-kun has a nice ass."

Raito has been focusing at the upper right hand corner of the poster. The pierced hearts are too much to look at. He has probably sensed L closing in before his eyes registered the fact. L's scent is unmistakable. _How can a man smell like he's good enough to eat?_

L slips his hands in the back pockets of Raito's jeans and pulls him in. His desire is evident when he grinds his hips against Raito's. For a man with a poker face, L certainly makes up for it in body language, though Raito is doubtful of the source of L's mood at the moment.

"That was an unusual demonstration." Raito remarks calmly, belying the restrained passion L has freshly rekindled. The episode this afternoon has left him buzzing in a back burner and it's threatening to become full-fledged.

He steps away moodily, oblivious to the metal chain until it starts to bear down weight from being lifted off the floor. The chain. The cuffs. This is all so pointless. He cannot believe he has grown used to these pointless little events and details. God forbid that his IQ level should drop because of such uncontrollable circumstances. Probably not, since he has never ceased his quest for Kira. His mind should be stimulated enough during their daytime discussions and hypothesis, among other things.

"I have been speculating whether this abnormal attitude expressed from boyfriend to girlfriend could be a negative result of my monitoring." L picks up Raito's pensive mood and raises his right wrist, jingling the chain absentmindedly. "Raito-kun shall have his freedom when Kira is caught."

"I did give my word that I'll stay through this to aid with the investigation. A promise is a promise." Raito is not complaining. "As I said, you just like to be extreme."

"Is that so?"

L shoves his left hand deep into his own jeans pocket. Raito would not be surprised to see him come up with a pair of chopsticks for the cup noodles. He rolls his eyes upwards when he hears L's quickened breaths. _What the hell? Can't he wait? At least until I'm asleep? _He is debating whether to punch L in the stomach or to trip him when his groin is cupped unexpectedly by L's unoccupied hand.

**_Knock. Knock. _**It's the second time this evening. Even L is puzzled, but not enough to distract him from giving one last caressing stroke before letting go. Raito opens the door ajar slightly, expecting to find Watari once again. Not very likely since there wasn't any footsteps preceding the knocks. _Who could it be?_

The hallway is dimly lit. Soft light spills golden color onto Misa's silky strands, all cascading around her shoulders. She is hugging a pillow, making an 'x' in front of her chest. It's a large pillow that covers her down to mid thigh. A pair of fluffy bunny slippers had masked her footsteps, the reason to why they had not heard anyone approaching.

"Could I stay here?" Misa asks in her tiny girly voice. "Just for tonight?"

"No."

"Yes."

Raito questions the motive behind L's affirmative response but decides to target Misa first.

"This is not a slumber party. You need your rest for the important job tomorrow." Raito attempts to instill some sense into her single-track mind. "Besides, it's not proper."

"Everyone knows Misa is Raito's girlfriend. Isn't Raito glad to see Misa?"

Misa has lowered her glance on Raito's torso. He follows her visual path. Her fascinated gaze has landed on an obvious bulge. No one would suspect the same condition with L because of his slouch.

"There's plenty of room for three." L saunters unhurriedly toward the bed.

"What are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?" Raito is alarmed.

"The resting arrangement for tonight. That should be obvious." L responds simply. "What are you thinking about, Raito-kun?"

Misa takes this break to step inside the room and close the door. L naturally sits on the left side of the bed where he has access to the tea table. He pats lightly on the bed to indicate that the central space has just been reserved for her.

"Thank you, Ryuuzaki-san." Misa gives him an embarrassed smile. "But...Misa may need to use the bathroom during the night and waking anyone up will be terrible."

Of course she cannot be honest with him. He is her new friend and she is conscientious of not hurting his feelings.

"Reasonable." L ponders. "In that case, Raito-kun will need to take the middle. I'm certain he will agree to the arrangement."

"..."

"Consoling a lady in obvious distress is a gentleman's job. Misa-san has just rejected my offer quite courteously." L waves for silence when Misa appears apologetic. "No, I understand perfectly well that only Raito-kun deserves Misa-san's affections."

Misa looks ready to weep, hating herself for not being straightforward but liking L even more for his true understanding of her thoughts.

"Raito-kun. Duty calls."

"Ryuuzaki, wouldn't it be more appropriate to bring in an extra bed?" Raito has a slight frown. He didn't think L was being serious this afternoon. _Actually placating to her little whims?_

"No, please don't." Misa pleads in desperation before L could interrupt. "Misa only wants to be close to Raito. No one knows what will happen tomorrow."

Raito is human after all. No matter how annoying his sister is, he would never shun her away. He can pretend to have another sister named Misa. Once the idea solidifies, the job seems easier.

"I promise to be a good girl." She pouts, though it would have little effect on the outcome. No one can truly influence Raito's actions.

"It's settled then." L devours another mouthful of cake while perching on the edge of the bed. "Don't mind me. Have a goodnight."

**_Clink. Clink. Clink._** _Wonderful. Another round of nighttime symphony to keep me awake._ **_Click._** The passage of time is not in scale to the normal hours. It seems like forever before the series of fork on plate notes has stopped before an audible unlocking of a metal cuff sounds. The mattress rises two inches or so when L leaves the bed and shuffles to the bathroom. This is basically the nocturnal routine Raito has the misfortune to suffer through. He cracks open one heavy eyelid. It is pitch dark, except for the soft ray of fluorescent lighting shining through the glazed bathroom door. He rolls to his right and almost bumps into Misa. The special arrangement for tonight has escaped his mind.

The lighting has landed on Misa partially. She is facing his way, hands tucked under her cheek on the pillow. He had watched his sister sleeping when he was much younger. The face would appear serene, even angelic, veiling the brat underneath. If indeed he were in love with Misa, then this face a few inches away would surely capture his heart to make him hopelessly lost. He struggles to recollect the reason they were drawn together but to no avail. There are blank pieces to the big puzzle. He stops the useless analysis when his mind threatens to become fully conscious. Eventually, Raito slips into a dreamless slumber.

A slight rise of the mattress on his right jostles Raito on his way to consciousness. A moment passes. The light dip tells him Misa has returned to bed. He sinks into dreamland. Time grows indefinable as he travels between sleep and wakefulness.

At dawn, Raito becomes aware of a delicious pressure being applied to his erection. When he shifts, he finds out it has to be L. For one, his right arm is pinned. Misa is hugging it loosely as if it were a cylindrical cushion. That leaves her hands occupied.

Using the minimum movements as not to disturb Misa, Raito rotates his head to the left. L is facing sideways. His dark ringed eyes are very much alert as they focus on him. He's gnawing on his right thumb. His other hand has disappeared under the blanket and it should be busy, as far as Raito can tell. L stops nibbling his thumb and flashes him an enigmatic smile.

Raito still has one free hand. He reaches into L's sweatshirt to pluck on his nipple, to toy with the sensitive nub. Even though L's breath remains even, there is a distinctive expression in his eyes that reveals his hidden passion. Raito changes his tactic and heads for the opposite direction. As expected, L is hard and ready. The layers of clothing are in the way. Raito unfastens L's pants, reaches for his arousal again and brings the hard flesh out of the fly of his boxers. L's breath finally becomes erratic.

L continues to wrap his hand around Raito's manhood through his pajamas and increases his tempo. Misa remains peacefully asleep, still pinning Raito's right arm. Raito's current task is to keep quiet about something that some people would find screamingly pleasurable. He actually finds this bizarre situation quite arousing. He can make do without Misa's company, any man or woman can replace her, but this is a fresh scenario and he only hopes he can last long enough. He thinks about Kira.

_Can we all be under Kira's influence at this very moment? Misa is a popular model. Her name is well known. Though I'm ranked at the top in Todai, my involvement with the case should've been kept strictly confidential within the investigation team. L's real name has never been published anywhere. No, even if Misa has been targeted at 100 percent, the possibility can only decrease when factoring in each of us. All three of us being hunted by Kira simultaneously would be 0 percent since L is the zero in the formula. Another pointless analysis. _

A movement from L causes Raito to hiss in pleasure. His thumb has been sliding the cotton seam against the underside of Raito's hard length, near the head. The precum has moistened the fabric to make it slippery against the extra sensitive skin. There is a wild urge in his stomach to thrust forward, to increase the friction, to reach release. He reins in his animalistic instincts and works on L instead.

Raito has the advantage. His palm and fingers are slick with L's precum. He makes a tighter grip to form a moist tunnel. Initially, Raito is setting the pace. In no time, L is delving into it himself, one heavy breath after another. There is a soft keening. He becomes vocal gradually. Then his moans develop into actual words. It gets worse when L begins to nibble on his earlobe. Raito panics.

"Ryuuzaki?" Raito lets out a bare whisper.

"Nnn..? Ahh.."

That gives Raito an opportunity to seal L's lips with a kiss. Their oral and manual interactions are in rhythm to one another. Raito can easily recall L giving him head the other day. With that flimsy tube of stocking in the way. The thought heightens his erotic delights. Their kiss deepens. Their pace quickens. Raito can feel a hot steaming train about to take off. He focuses his mind on his tiring hand. _How long has it been?_ Misa sleeps away serenely.

L breaks away from the marathon kiss. He quickly yanks up Raito's top and latches his wet lips on one nipple. He draws crazy circles around the hardened peak and sucks in cool air to alternate between hot and cold tactile experience. Raito can only gasp silently. _L remembers my weaknesses._ He must remain almost motionless. _What will Misa think if she wakes up and sees this mad scene?_ He has no romantic feelings for her but he understands that females can be delicate.

Raito flexes the fingers on his right hand. They come in contact with Misa. His hand is moist with sweat but he doesn't doubt what he has just felt. The texture of silk stockings. _No! She wears them to sleep?_ His other perverted fantasy consumes him. It is all L's fault. He had set up the situations where Raito had reached climaxes with the involvement of this particular piece of garment. The learned association has already made an impression and it could only grow stronger.

Hand. Nipple. Brain. Different types of signal inputs from these locations trigger the inevitable flow. Raito opens his mouth to let out a soundless scream. He trembles with bliss.

L has restrained his own steaming train and has reached a few dry orgasms while he was toying with Raito's nipple. There must be magic in Raito's hand. The cool cuff on his left wrist has turned warm from their body heat. It digs lightly into L's midriff and offers a contrasting touch between flesh and metal. Raito's small thrust and the sudden hot moistness L feels within his grip breaks down his self control to lead him into a real release. He almost bites hard on Raito's nipple when the intense wave crushes his being. Instead, he transfers the momentum to curl up his legs and squeezes Raito's hand deep into his groin as he comes.

Misa stirs. Raito thinks he has felt her movements before she'd shifted. He cannot be certain since his mind was a blank a moment ago. Reality sinks in lazily. There are some minor inconveniences to take care of. His cum covered hand. His soiled bottoms. His immobilized arm. Counting from his left to right.

Misa is shuddering slightly, probably from the temperature or a bad dream. It is comical that she should wake up when both males finally remain still. Nevertheless, Raito cannot hide the aftereffects of their previous pleasure seeking activity, if she should suddenly toss off the blanket. Misa pecks a fleeting kiss on his flushed cheek. Even she can be unpredictable.

"Raito is such a gentleman. If you ever need a hand, you can ask Misa. Misa is willing to do anything. Anything."

Her sweetly husky voice is barely audible. She amazes him with her intuition, though it's off course. _Is her voice low because she just woke up? Or is it from arousal? Has she known all along?_ One of her stocking-covered thighs glides over his arm before she climbs off the bed. _She knows then._ To what extent, that remains unknown.

His sister for the night exits quietly, shutting the door behind her.

"Good morning, Raito-kun."

"Good morning yourself. I would like my hand back."

Raito loathes thinking about the current conditions of his hand, if what his neurons are telling him is accurate. L traces a thumb at his own lips while he uncurls his legs.

"It's highly unhygienic to kiss like that, Raito-kun."

"I didn't hear you complaining back then. You're a fine one to talk about hygiene."

Raito's hand is freed. He swiftly smears the body fluid at L's jaws, spreading some everywhere that is convex, including his nose. L licks his lips. He takes Raito's hand and laps off the fluid from his palm. Raito doesn't know what to think. L proceeds to invade his lips, thrusting the collected fluid deep into his oral cavity. Raito chokes and his eyes water. Without warning, L gives him a bear hug, pressing Raito deeper into the mattress.

"Raito-kun has made a choice and I appreciate the outcome." L lets go rather suddenly, as if embarrassed by the spontaneous intimacy.

The detective has been acting strange lately. He is not on drugs. That much Raito knows. _Choice. What kind of choice?_ Then it dawns on Raito that he has indeed selected one side to give his attention to during their special arrangement.

L has developed a soft spot for Raito but he would never admit to it. He believes in his theory about Kira. It would be dangerous to be off guard until Misa can report her findings today. In an unknown part of him, perhaps 0.1 percent, he yarns for human contact. Light Yagami seems the perfect choice.

Raito shakes off an uncomfortable feeling. L's weirdness must've affected him. He cannot believe he is getting emotional. _All from one little hug? No, it's deeper than that._ He cannot fathom the source of his anxiety.

As they ease away from the bed, they notice Misa's pillow lying there. The three pillows align in a zigzag line on the tousled bed. They both decide to keep the underlying significance to their own counsel and commence their daily routine in a wordless agreement.

* * *

_Note:_ I was out of town for 1/3 of the month. Then I've been too tired. I write best at nights and during weekends so that really limits my free timeslots. Even before I finished the last chapter, I've thought about the 3 of them together but leaving the girl out of actions. That leads me astray but I can't forget about it. Some of you may hate Misa, but...no harm done, almost. Not even she can get between those boys. Her presence amuses me, that's all. I couldn't put a warning above to spoil this chapter, forgive me.

I can get tedious and tasteless, so let me know what you think. Thanks for reading!

-M.H, Apr 28, 2007


	10. Chapter 10 Progress

Some disturbing scenes. If you're the sensitive type, that's a mild warning.

* * *

_Chapter 10_

Matsuda is pacing around endlessly. Sometimes he takes a seat at the sofa but, most of the time, he continues to move about for the simple sake of not sitting still. There is a small, yet detectable frown that spells out his apprehension. His usual jovial exterior has closed shop for the moment. He is a helpful individual that blunders 95 percent of the time. He understands that he'll never be as bright as L or Raito. Hard work is all he has to offer.

Although Matsuda was incredulous that no one had made an attempt to question the proposal during the geniuses' exchanges, a cool resolve had descended upon him once he accepted the plan. If they need a bait to capture the real Kira and he's the most viable one available, then he better damn well do his best, even if it should prove to be fatal at the last moment. Everyone has done so much that it is only reasonable for him to do his fair share. This is a unique job that needs prerequisites involving his previous interactions with the Yotsuba group. No one else can replace him. He'll be the leading role here. The thought makes him feel important.

"Matsu, you're making Misa dizzy!"

"Ahaha. I'm just too excited over the plan."

"It's okay to be scared." Misa can see through the act, being a professional at her trade. "Misa knows what it feels like. But it makes Misa happy to be doing something for Raito, even if it means dying for him."

"Uhmm, I hope not. I haven't got a girlfriend yet." Matsuda sighs, feeling his anxiety ebbing away to be replaced by regret.

"Misa has faith in Raito. This plan will work." She nods confidently because she knows something the others don't. It's not the appropriate time to reveal her newly acquired knowledge. She has led the investigation team in the right direction to design a trap for Kira and she is secretly pleased that it has been accomplished so flawlessly.

They have no reason to suspect anything unusual is happening. Her physical self is present but she thinks differently now, after learning that Raito _was_ Kira before the one they are now scheming to capture. Higuchi from Yotsuba will never be one millionth as decent as Raito was and ever will be. Her arms develop goosebumps from the memory of his lecherous ogling at the nurse uniform she has worn this afternoon to escape from Mogi's ever present escort . She endured it. How else could they get a confession from Higuchi?

Matsuda follows her visual path, her adoration blatantly displayed. The prize winner is Raito, there could be no one else. He is conversing quietly with L, leaning onto the metal console. Brains and beauty, handsomeness in this case, rarely go hand in hand. Raito has it all. Somehow, he looks even more dashing today. He must be one to thrive on stress, embrace challenges and be graced with an aura of mysterious charisma when wall after wall of problems are smashed down. It must be a trick to his eyes, but it appears that a faint halo is surrounding this boy genius.

Matsuda's train of thoughts takes a weird turn. The two masterminds are forced to stay together, linked by the handcuffs. Handcuffs are kind of kinky. What if one of them were a female? Would they all come out of this unscathed? He is picturing them in different roles. Usually, it is the females that do not criticize the males' appearance too harshly. L would make one unattractive lady. No, switch it around. He studies Raito more closely. If he had longer hair, more curves, then throw in a dress... With each step of the mental feminization of Raito, Matsuda could feel a heat wave creeping upwards onto his cheeks. No, he has no desire to marry Raito. Perhaps he is simply too girl-deprived and it naturally leads him to a senseless daydream. This is total blasphemy. He is being unproductive again!

Misa sorts through the recent events in her mind. From the night she spent in the boys' bedroom to the point she played the incriminating voice recording of Higuchi to everyone, there wasn't a moment that she doesn't think about Raito. He has become her principal purpose in life. Now that she is aware of his previous role as the original Kira, she cannot be happier. Yagami Raito. God of Night. He is her god, day or night. Her knight. Her heart is bursting to the rim with love and she can hardly sit still. She needs to be away lest she slips something and ruins Raito's perfect plan. Besides, the nurse uniform has to go. Higuchi has tainted the outfit with his unclean gaze.

"Want to sleep together, Raito?"

"Be serious, Misa. You know that is not possible."

"It is entirely feasible. Don't be shy, Raito-kun."

Misa is dead serious in every single invitation she has ever made. She expects the same answer though, while they are in this building. It is understandable. They will be together eventually. Patience is all she needs. She wears a small smile as she departs.

"Be serious, Ryuuzaki. You know that is not possible."

Though the tone Raito has used for Misa and L is the same, the context differs greatly. It sends shivers down L's spine. He draws his bent knees tighter together.

"We have 3 days to stage our plan. I trust that Wedy will be able to plant the surveillance devices in Higuchi's cars shortly. There is always a 1 percent chance that we may catch him in his act."

Raito is running through some stats in his head. Is this indeed a foul proof plan? Matsuda is only too famous for being ineptly overzealous. And not getting the correct results. Should they prepare a backup just in case? Failure is a luxury that they cannot afford.

"I want to tell you that I'm proud of you, my son." Yagami-san puts his hand on Raito's shoulder. "Your mother and I are very pleased that you have grown into such a fine young man. I have no doubts that you will have a successful path upwards to the top positions of the justice system. I have faith in you."

"Father. Kira is evil. I'm going to work with L to bring him down. You look like you could use some rest. Don't let Mother worry too much, okay?"

Yagami-san nods, squeezes Raito's shoulder fondly and starts towards the door. Matsuda jumps up, takes a quick look at the geniuses, lingers an unnecessary second longer at Raito, and calls out a farewell before following Yagami-san on his way out.

There appears to be a visible change in the atmosphere when everyone else has left. It is not unease. L and Raito have been in each other's presence for too long to feel uncomfortable. In fact, too comfortable at times. There is something different today. _We now know who Kira is. That must be it._ Raito cannot even convince himself.

L jingles the chain and retracts the metal loops inwards until Raito is forced to stand beside him. He relaxes his knees and he is back to his usual perching posture. The bulge in between begs for attention.

"Yagami-san is a respectable individual. He must have been an excellent role model for young Raito-kun. 'Like father, like son.'" L pauses, feeling Raito's knee nudging at him teasingly. "Though I doubt that.. Oww! That hurts."

"Cause and effect. You were saying..?"

"What cause? I was simply associating what must have been a proper upbringing for Raito-kun under the positive influence of Yagami-san's profound sense of morality with a common saying. Unless you feel compelled to make a confession."

"I have plenty of confessions in my mind, but don't have the one you want to hear."

"Try me."

"No. You're trying to distract me. I was the one asking a question."

"I wasn't asking a question. Raito-kun is known for the clarity of his thoughts. Nothing should be too distracting for you."

"You have no idea."

Raito brushes off the stack of sugar cubes L has placed on top of the red bean yokan bars. He picks up the toothpick and proceeds to bring the piece of yokan towards his lips. L is watching like a hawk. Who dares to mess with him? And his desserts?

The sweet yokan bar is safe between Raito's lips when he extracts the toothpick. Both the yokan and his lips look equally tasty. L decides to savor the former dessert first. He grabs the front of Raito's sweatshirt and pulls him down. His lips claim the remaining yokan and he attempts to draw the dessert out of Raito's lips. Thus begins their tug of war. Their nostrils flare. Their lips clash. Their hearts beat fast. It doesn't last long. The yokan bar is too fragile against their suctions and it breaks off in halves. L lets go and munches on the dessert with much satisfaction. He swiftly devours the second piece from the plate in case Raito plans to steal this one as well. Raito tries to hide a smug smile while he chews on the yokan.

"Was that meant to be the idea, Raito-kun?"

"Apparently, we all have our blind spots."

"For once, Raito-kun isn't making any sense."

"Ignorance is bliss. What you know might harm you."

"Knowledge is power. What you don't know could kill you."

"I'm tired of having to repeat myself. We're not getting anywhere with this."

"I've assumed that we were heading somewhere." L hops off the chair and pulls Raito behind him as they leave the room.

"You don't care much for dinner, but I was expecting mine in 15 minutes."

"I shall ask Watari to deliver it to you promptly. Meanwhile, cause and effect, Raito-kun."

"What cause?"

"You. I'm famished."

x x x x

Morning comes too quickly. Raito groans into his pillow. His backside is sore, though not as worse as his first time. Much more enjoyable, he had to admit. As promised, dinner was delivered on time. Or rather, they had finished in time. Raito had a suspicion that L was cuing Watari on the delivery time somehow. L had taken a second helping of him, after allowing him some time to digest his dinner.

Raito didn't know L has been keeping a glass spray bottle of olive oil under his bed. Extra virgin olive oil, he said. He claimed it acts as a moisturizer for his feet. It was definitely more than that last night.

Raito is troubled. _What am I thinking? Where is all this leading to? This is a _forced _situation, isn't it? I'm still myself. I'm not losing it._

The key to his questions hasn't woken up yet. The detective appears cherubic in his sleep. Raito remembers Macbeth. The guilty cannot sleep peacefully. Now, they are on a righteous path and they have nothing to be afraid of. They do not need to run from a guilty conscience. Throughout the time they are chained together, why can't L see that Raito is also blessed with restful nights, if not for his midnight snacks and activities?

L is awake but he makes no effort to alert the fact to Raito. He pushes his darker thoughts aside. He is troubled in his own way. He derives no satisfaction from the discovery of who Kira is. Something is not right. He is never wrong. Never. He has unfinished business with Kira. Kira. Why isn't Light Yagami THE Kira?

Raito spots a frown forming between L's eyebrows. _Is he awake or not?_ He peers closely at L, listening to his shallow breaths. L's scent is overwhelming. Merely pheromones. Nothing more. It can't be helped, though. His lips. Do they taste sweet like last night? His curiosity obscures his logics and he closes in further towards those inviting lips.

L stirs. Raito promptly shuts his eyes to feign being asleep. His pounding heart is the only thing that can give him away. If Raito can catch L's scent, then the reverse is also true. L opens his eyes to study Raito. That was his original intent behind the reason they are cuffed together. Sex is a bonus. Developing deeper feelings is unexpected.

L knows the 18-year-old is pretending to be asleep. His flush is a tint pinker than usual. His eyelids are closed in a slightly unnatural way. His breathing. Their noses are virtually next to each other's. How could Raito expect him to believe he cannot detect the other person's breaths and thus not waking up feeling ticklish?

In many aspects, Raito has advanced beyond the general population in his age group. During their time together, no odd behaviors have been observed. Except for their sexual activities. Remembering their night together, L gets incredibly erect. Raito was reluctant when L initiated the second round but he consented at last when he pulled the stocking trick on him. Considering that Raito gave him an eyeful by wearing a pair of pantyhose and masturbating in plain sight under the cameras in his own house during the early stage of investigation, L had wanted to find a way to confirm if Raito indeed knew about the monitoring. It would be meaningless if all he did was acting during those 5 days. This trail is lost, however. L has overdone it. Any normal individual would develop a fetish, if they haven't already, from the intense way L has trained the response onto the individual. Raito is, all after, young and malleable.

_More acting, Raito?_ That triggers his interest. _Two can play this game._

"Nnn..." L moans softly, thrashing about in little fits.

Raito opens his eyes. L seems to be dreaming. He is rubbing at the blanket and whimpering, quite sexily. Rosy coloring arises to dye his cheeks. Raito is spellbound. It isn't often to observe L being asleep. Much less to witness him in a dream fit. Must be dreaming about something erotic. The image of a stocking conveniently comes to Raito's mind.

Heart pounding, blood roaring in his head, Raito takes the unsoiled tube of stocking from under the pillow. Gently, he flips over the blanket. L sure is hard. He slips the fabric onto L's erection. The silky texture never ceases to arouse him. While he fondles at the velvety length, Raito could imagine the same sensation at his own. He needs to have his fix too. Yes, he must have it. He swiftly joins L inside the soft tube. Using the earlier 'dream' as a reference, he prepares the stocking to have it surrounding them both. It's actually more difficult than it looks.

"Ahh.. nnn.." L manages to look groggy when he peeks at Raito. "Wh..what are you doing?"

"This is a dream. Don't worry about a thing." Raito whispers, the silky feeling assailing him, reducing him to a mass of nerve endings seeking for release.

"Feels too good to be a dream, Raito-kun." L gasps.

"Reality feels like shit. Only dreams can feel good.." Ain't that the philosophy of life.

"Then I must have been dreaming all along. The days spent in Raito-kun's presence feel too good." L has to finish the sentence in one breath. He is speaking the truth and he does not ever plan to repeat it again. This is a dream, after all. He is entitled to say anything he pleases.

By the time the interior of the stocking is slick with their precum, conversation becomes impossible. They both hold on to their breaths while Raito climbs on top of L. L allows it. Raito has been a faithful student. Now L is enjoying the fruits of his labor. His right earlobe, the crook of his neck and his nipples receive licks and bites. Sometimes playful, sometimes violent. He loses his self control when Raito's teeth nips on his hardened nipple with the ideal amount of pressure. The silky touch is like an extra layer of icing, making his orgasm that much more pleasurable. Raito is lost in an ocean of silk. The fact that L comes before he does makes him swell with triumph and pride, creating a satisfying release that reaches deep into his inner self.

Releases after releases throughout the night and morning. They have probably exceeded the recommended daily intake. Or output.

Raito keeps his current position. He rests his head onto L's chest and listens to his heartbeat. **_Thump thump_**. **_Thump thump_**. Quick and loud. The detective is very much alive and has shown to be capable of mortal emotions. His usual detached exterior makes him unapproachable. They will be parting soon after Kira is caught. Yet Raito doesn't know the real L. He hasn't been able to learn much about this mysterious man. Too elusive. A small bite of sadness diffuses through his pleasant aftermath.

"I have a confession to make." Raito says quietly.

x x x x

They have gathered in the morning to devise a perfect setup to capture Kira. Yagami-san argues that it is too dangerous for Matsuda. L and Raito look at each other and disagree. The current Kira is not clever enough. They could outsmart him.

"Ryuuzaki, it's Ms. Wedy."

"Put her through, Watari."

The capital letter 'W' is displayed on the screen.

"I managed to slip inside Higuchi's garage last night. Though he's got high security measures everywhere, the security there is a joke. I'll skip the details. You only want to hear the results anyway. Yes, I've prep all six cars. It better be worth it."

"Thank you, Wedy."

L types rapidly on the keyboard. A screen shows up, divided into six boxes. Three boxes have images on them. Only one has Higuchi in it.

"She has added motion sensors. Apparently, Higuchi has left his house and activated the sensors of his two cars nearby. It might be too much to ask her to adjust the idle setting so this should suffice. We can concentrate on the car Higuchi is occupying." L calls up more live feeds from the same car to replace other useless images.

Higuchi is humming a toneless song. He is driving to a school district. The car stops. A girl hops into the car. She looks less than 14. This trip makes him look almost fatherly.

"An illegitimate daughter?" Matsuda wonders aloud, trying to be useful.

The other three men sigh. When will Matsuda grow up? Yagami-san excuses himself to the restroom.

"Matsuda, I don't think they're related." Raito replies slowly.

"Oh." Comprehension starts to form on Matsuda's face. "Oh!"

The family scene looks wrong. First, what kind of father would pick up a student when it's school time? She doesn't look like she needs a doctor's appointment. Second, his hand is sneaking up her thigh. That's not very fatherly.

-"Ah, just like I asked. No panties. Good girl." Higuchi's hand has slid up the side of the girl's thigh and onto her hip under the uniform skirt. She keeps her schoolbag pressed tightly against her lap and remains silent.

-"So virginal. I like that. What's your name again?"

-"Hit.. Hiko." The girl's voice trembles. Probably from fear.

-"Ah, Hiko-chan. A pretty name, for a pretty you." Hiko grips onto the schoolbag for dear life.

-"Now I don't bite, Hiko-chan. We have talked about this and you agreed. I pay good money."

-"I.. I'm nervous, mister." Higuchi chuckles at that. He had arranged for role play but he didn't know he could get this lucky to actually have a schoolgirl at his disposal.

-"How about some music to relax?" Higuchi switches on the stereo to play some classical music. Beethoven? Mozart? Who cares? He bought the CD yesterday just for this occasion.

"Can he not get straight to the point?" L is impatient. He hopes they'll complete the upcoming task as soon as possible. There are better things to do than to watch porn getting stretched out.

"You have to admire the man for trying romance as foreplay." Raito counters. He is not that interested to see what happens next but that's his two cents' worth.

"Guys. Guys! You realize what's going to happen, right? We don't have to watch this. Chief is coming back soon!" Matsuda panics. Yet a part of him wants to watch.

"Small details count."

"We're monitoring Kira in action and we want to be careful not to miss anything."

_What kind of logic is that? Those boys are insane!_ Matsuda stays mute, watching in bizarre fascination as the actions unfold.

-"This will be in the way but if you think it's more exciting, why not?" He has his palm back to her thigh, caressing it and pinching at the skin. Skin?

Raito has an immediate response. His pants feel too tight. He adjusts his fly subtly to lessen the discomfort. Of course L notices the detail on screen and he takes a sideway glance at Raito, who is standing beside him. He hides a smile.

-"You look well endowed, Hiko-chan. Let's see if they're as soft as they look." He grabs at her left breast and frowns.

Hiko's face first turns pale then becomes crimson. Her arms fly upwards to cover her breasts. Higuchi takes this chance to reach under her skirt and stops short. He finds a deserted street to park the car.

-"Hiko-chan, what are you?" There is a lace of fury in his tone.

-"I...I'm really sorry, sir." Hiko doesn't sound like a girl anymore. "My.. my sister, can't.. can't make it today."

-"Why can't she?"

-"She..she has her period."

-"So you pretended to be her." To that, 'Hiko' nods.

-"That's called lying. Do you realize the consequences? Didn't your parents teach you that?" He unleashes his anger.

-"My.. my parents are dead." The boy bawls.

"The man has no heart." Raito wants to turn away, but given his aroused state, perhaps it is better to face the screen for a while longer.

"I concur." L states simply.

-"Well, seems like you're desperate for money. You're gonna have to earn it. Through hard work." The boy's eyes widen in fright.

"Sounds like an old script. So corny."

"I rarely watch movies but I'll second that."

"You two! This isn't a TV program! Can't we stop him?"

"Knock on his windshield and arrest him on the spot? What will that serve? Why don't we send him a medal and congratulate him for being Kira?" Raito doesn't even look back. Matsuda thinks maybe his stupidity has annoyed him.

- "Take off your skirt." The boy complies.

- "Now jack yourself off." The boy freezes.

- "Do I have to teach you?" Higuchi reaches for the boy's crotch. He molds the pantyhose at the flaccid member and fondles at it. The boy looks quite unwilling but he responds to the touch nevertheless.

L doesn't need to look at Raito to know what goes through his mind at this very moment.

- "There, I've got you started. Now finish it off." The boy has closed his eyes. He pumps rapidly, the faster he can come, the sooner he can scoot.

L hears Raito's sharp intake of breath. _Is it truly that exciting to him?_

"Father's coming back." Raito's pupils roll to the side to indicate a screen monitoring the corridor outside.

Indeed, Yagami-san is returning to the main room. He is about 2 minutes away. L and Raito are supposed to come up with something miraculous but they haven't. Matsuda looks on in horror as each step Chief takes is bringing him closer to the fallen trio.

* * *

_Note:_ I thought I should post this today, or it'll be another week. Fresh from the oven. Many of the ideas didn't come to me until earlier today. There could be some better wordings to replace what I have and I'll work on that.

Thanks to Duomi. You gave me a spark of inspiration. Without you, I'll probably be stuck for another week. Thanks to everyone, your comments are encouraging. I'm sure I have faults and I'd like to hear what they are as well.

-M.H., May 19, 2007


	11. Chapter 11 Countdown

If you didn't enjoy the last chapter, proceed with caution.

* * *

_Chapter 11_

Agitated, Yagami-san enters the room, "What happened?" He is accompanied by Watari.

Five minutes ago, while Matsuda seemed like he was auditioning for an inconspicuous posture in anticipation of Yagami-san's return, Raito had a change of heart. It was in his nature to oppose injustice. How could he let his insignificant idiosyncrasy muddle his thoughts? How could he be frivolous about this?

- "Enjoying yourself, huh?" Higuchi snickered. The boy's eyes remained closed. He kept beating on it frantically. A moist spot had formed at the silky fabric where it wrapped around the tip of his young member.

Raito held his breath and shifted in discomfort. His pulse raced, eyes transfixed at the screen. L dangled a thumb at his lower lip, watching the screen, observing Raito. Matsuda blocked his face with his hands but peeked through the gaps in between his fingers.

- "Feels good, doesn't it?" He placed a thumb at the boy's moist spot and rubbed at it.

- "Please stop, sir." The boy whimpered in despair.

- "What was that?" Higuchi snapped.

- "I can't.. I can't." The boy sobbed uncontrollably. He had tried. He just couldn't.

- "Shit." Higuchi jabbed at one of protrusions at the boy's chest. "What's in there?"

The boy looked relieved and busied himself getting the stuffing out. More pantyhose, one pair at each cup of the bra.

- "Clever. Now, gimme a blow job." The boy panicked. He might be young, but he knew what the term meant. The flow of tears started again.

- "I'm sick of you crying. Boys don't cry." Higuchi muttered impatiently. "Here, tie this around your head. I don't want to look at you again." He pointed to a ball of pantyhose and indicated that the boy should blindfold himself with it. The boy took off his wig and did as requested.

Matsuda was very disturbed. Originally, he was a bit excited when he thought the boy was a girl and, well, _something_ was about to happen. It had then deteriorated into something disgusting. _Duh, as if it were right to begin with._ He wouldn't doubt that L had witnessed stranger events but Raito...

Raito was breathing evenly. He was able to regain his rational self. He had not forsaken his values. The values that he adheres to throughout life had built up who he is today. Maybe this would cure him of his unhealthy fascination.

"Ryuuzaki, we should contact Aizawa-san to dispatch police patrol at their address. We can reason that an anonymous informer had made contact. It is our duty to protect the innocents."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. Let's do that!" Matsuda quipped expectantly.

L looked curiously at Raito. "As much as it pains me to witness this atrocity, provided that the boy is not in mortal danger, I'd conclude that the end justifies the means. There is a possibility that it could expose our surveillance activities. Moreover, sometimes discretion is necessary to minimize psychological trauma. I trust that Raito-kun has calculated the consequences beforehand."

- "Ahhh..that's good." Higuchi pushed the boy's head into his lap, having it bob up and down. "Don't try anything nasty. You don't want your sister to get hurt."

Yagami-san was 1 minute away.

- "Clench your mouth, boy. Make it tighter! Grr...not enough." He yanked at the boy's collar to bring him up. The blindfold was good for the eyes, but it couldn't stop his running nose.

- "You brought this onto yourself." Higuchi took the other ball of pantyhose and slid a leg onto the boy's head, with the rest of the leg aimed at the boy's mouth. After shoving the tube in, he put the boy's wig back on and his head was once again brought down to continue the dirty work.

- "Oohh.. so much better, should've done this earlier.. Hmmm..very good. Excellent..."

Raito had to take a seat. He should not get excited over this abomination. He was in excruciating turmoil as he beamed a blazing glare at L on his right. L could feel Raito's intense stare and he met it with the same fire.

"Don't get any ideas, Raito-kun." L murmured under his breath.

"Shut it off. I can't watch." Raito leaned his elbows on his thighs and bowed his head.

"I understand." L input a series of commands in lightening speed. A page of information was scrolling by at the bottom of a whole column of smaller screens. The large screen was still receiving live feed.

Matsuda saw Raito's dejected posture and wanted to comfort him. He took a few steps towards the metal console and tripped on his shoelace.

The 2 seconds that it took to land on the floor were projected in slow motions. Matsuda yelled 'AHHH'. Raito swiveled his chair 90 degrees away from the screens to check. Matsuda's right hand grabbed onto the back of L's chair, the momentum unbalanced L from his crouch. L's fingers pressed on the wrong keys before he fell sideways towards Raito. Matsuda's left hand gripped onto Raito's thigh out of reflex to break his fall. L had held onto the desktop, strong fingers buffering 21.2 percent of the motion while his toes on his right foot counter 36.9 percent of the energy by clutching onto the edge of the seat. The castors underneath his chair added to the level of difficulty with an opposing force. For the rest, he had to trust Raito.

L fell into Raito's lap. Raito had made preparation to cushion his fall. L's shoulders rested on his thighs. The back of his skull felt something bony.

Matsuda had landed on his knees, with his arms stretching before him to brake his fall. His hand was shoved roughly forward, or backward, along Raito's thigh when L landed on his arm. The sudden shot of adrenaline during his accidental drop had Matsuda's heart pounding madly. L's head was on the back of his hand. His hand!

"Matsuda, are you all right?" Raito enquired kindly. It was a first to see him up close. In his excited state, Matsuda wondered if all angels looked like him. He sat on the floor, gazing up in a stupor.

A female voice announced, "Intruder alert. Intruder alert."

"Could you let go, please?" Raito asked in a pleasant voice.

Matsuda knew he had to pay attention to something. What was it? Oh, his hand! It had gone beyond Raito's thigh. His face flamed hotly as he snatched it away, letting L's head claim the spot. Raito was definitely not a girl.

- "Ah, you do like this, don't you?" Higuchi was reaching for the boy's budding erection.

The obscenity droned on while L spoke calmly into the microphone to contact Watari. The warning signal blared ominously as it repeated every 5 seconds. After 2 repeats, they heard a pounding at the door. They listened closely and heard a muffled question. It was Yagami-san. He was obviously enquiring into the current status.

"Under the current mode, different sections of the buildings are secured, either to keep in or to keep out, depending on the locations of the intruders. Unless Watari and I enter a command simultaneously, it will continue for a specified timeframe before a signal is dispatched overseas for a search and rescue. Matsuda-san, you are a man of miracles." L composed himself to crouch in his chair once again, totally unperturbed.

Matsuda winced in doubt. Was that a sarcastic remark? L was not known to be humorous but he thought he caught a ghost of a smile on his face.

"Unfortunately, other functions are rendered inaccessible. The only option available is to deactivate the alert mode."

The warning signal had a calming effect on them, in a sense. This could save Yagami-san from sighting the damning deed on screen. They would not want him to be hospitalized again. The sudden noise from the live actions caught their attention.

- "Swallow it." The boy was sitting straight and Higuchi had his hand holding the boy's jaws shut. Thick fluid had seeped out from his mouth to moisten the surrounding material. The boy struggled, clawed at his arm and thrashed his legs. His crotch was wet. He was able to, after all.

Their motions ceased. Higuchi ordered the boy to put on the skirt. He quickly removed the pantyhose from the boy's head and put his wig back up. A knock sounded on the driver's window. He depressed the button to lower it.

- "Sir? Parking is not permitted in this district."

- "Of course. It's my daughter. She's feeling sick and we needed to stop for a while. We'll be on our way to the doctor's, officer." The officer peered inside and nodded sympathetically. The boy was being strangely cooperative without being told.

- "Okay now, honey? We really don't want to trouble the good officer here." The boy nodded slightly. Higuchi waved briefly to the officer and drove off.

L concentrated on the command to deactivate the alert. He was communicating with Watari to synchronize the timing. The episode on screen was apparently drawing to a close. Some sharper words, such as 'fuck' and 'pussies', stood out like chalks scratching on a blackboard. Higuchi probably liked women better. He released the boy from his car ten blocks away and threw him some cash before shutting the door.

Matsuda regarded L in a different light. He refused to believe it was a mere coincidence. The street was deserted. Patrols rarely passed by. He did arrange for the appearance of the officer, didn't he? The detective paused, sipped at his cold sugary coffee, and continued the deactivation attempt.

Within 30 seconds, the alert was disarmed. Another minute passed before the door was opened.

"Yagami-san. It must have caused you much inconvenience, though it was entirely out of my hands at that moment. I had Watari to enter the command jointly with me as soon as we could. It is one of our security measures." L now gives an explanation to Yagami-san's question.

"Sorry, Chief. It was my fault." Matsuda looks embarrassed, face flushed. "Ryuuzaki-san was working on something and I fell. That messed up his sequence..."

"For a while, I thought it was Kira." Chief looks worn out with worry. He is accustomed to hearing his subordinate's baffling excuses but he knows he is telling the truth.

The large screen becomes the second attraction and Yagami-san studies the person in it. Higuchi is driving alone.

"Any progress? What happened to the girl?"

"The student was released in safety." Technically, L is correct. No one attempts to contradict his statement. Yagami-san nods solemnly, believing every word of it.

L silently acknowledged Watari's slight incline of his head. The old man retracts soundlessly. Raito is aware of the peculiar exchange but gives no comment. The continuous babbling from Matsuda is soothing, after those high-strung minutes.

Matsuda has never felt seriously compelled to carry out a task with such concrete determination as now. He will go to the ends of the world if that is what it takes to capture Kira. While he clarifies his faults to Chief Yagami, he makes tight fists to control his restlessness. His left hand makes him blush. He had felt Raito. From soft to hard. He should forget about it. It is such a trivial matter. A good night's sleep is the perfect cure, as with many other blunders he has ever made.

From their tennis match on campus, Raito knows L has better reflexes than that. He could not help but responded to him when he landed on his thighs. By chance, Matsuda probably found out about it but he is an unlikely person to make an announcement of any sort. Raito resets his priorities. This is not the time to focus on inconsequential issues.

"Let us proceed." L strolls casually to the sofa to start their official planning of Kira's capture.

x x x x

Two days have passed and they are pleased with their progress. They have yet to observe Kira carrying out his murders. The killing method remains a mystery. It appears that he was genuine with his promise of not taking another life for 3 days. His abstinence is another relief too. The three younger males have no desire to witness any of his bedroom actions being played out elsewhere.

The sun has set. The day seems too short. There will never be enough time for planning. Matsuda tries to stifle a yawn out of politeness. Raito notices.

"Father, it's rather late. Ryuuzaki and I can go through the final details tonight. I'm sure you all must be tired. Matsuda, we're depending on you tomorrow."

Matsuda sits up straight, taking pleasure in those simple words. All previous unease has been forgotten. "I will do my best. You can count on me."

Half an hour after Yagami-san and Matsuda have departed, dinner is served to L and Raito. L's dinner is also his breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea and midnight snacks. He is challenging the long history of how humans have divided their meals into different times of the day with different types of food.

"I find these pieces of meat intriguing. They appear smooth without cutting edges whatsoever."

"I won't get to eat these at home. I had actually been tricked to chew on one and asked to express my thoughts about the taste before I was told what they were."

"Do enlighten me." L's eyes are round with curiosity.

"Chicken balls. They were served as a dish for hotpot in Chinatown."

"I see, it's ground chicken meat shaped into balls."

"No. The organs."

"Testicles?" L's eyes grow rounder.

"What is so surprising? Almost every part of an animal is edible." Raito finds L's expression priceless.

"I'm quite satisfied with what Raito-kun has inherited genetically."

"What do you mean?" Raito stops eating.

"I understand that some cultures believe they can obtain enhancement at specific regions of the body by consuming the corresponding animal parts. For example, chicken feet for stronger feet. The value is relative to the general demand of a body function and the scarcity of the supply. There is a specialty restaurant in China that serves various penile dishes. I hear that the business is flourishing."

It is unclear whether Raito had intended to shock L or not, but he receives a reciprocal shock, so to speak.

"Is that so? I enjoy the taste, not going after any _enhancement_ myth. I have no interest to consume anything of the sort."

"Perhaps after tasting the morsel, Raito-kun may find the dish delectable before its name is learned. Shall I ask Watari to make arrangements?"

Raito loses his appetite. L is simply an impossible person to cope with. How could he ever develop feelings for this detective? L is blissfully unaware of Raito's silent curses as he ties knots after knots out of cherry stems after he devours each succulent piece of the fruit. His nimble tongue darts about playfully. Raito grows an appetite of another sort. Those moist lips are a delicacy all by themselves. He plans not to indulge in it tonight though. In fact, he has avoided any intimate contact since his confession. He needs the tension for tomorrow. It gives him an extra edge.

Their conversation returns to the final details for tomorrow. They have different phases in the whole plan and they will succeed, taking into account the observations of Higuchi for the last few days. He has limited intelligence. That is all they can comment on.

Silence falls. Minutes tick by. There is an imaginary giant sandglass. The months spent together are the larger portion at the bottom. The remaining grains are descending, unstoppable, until there is nothing left. Time spent doing nothing is another grain wasted. Yet they are not wasting time. From the beginning when their personal space was awkwardly overlapped to the ease they now feel with the comfortable presence of each other, every moment has been well spent. Talking. Discussing. Arguing. Fighting. Eating. Sleeping. Daydreaming. Simply being. This will change tomorrow. Raito can almost feel a wave of sorrow closing in. He keeps it to himself.

Satisfied that the last cherry stem has experienced his talent, L takes the lead to rest for the night. To him, it is more than just a new trip to another binge of sugary food items. He understands that Raito could be a cobra who doesn't realize he is one. Raito has proved to be either a damn good actor or a pure innocent. His previous Kira theory is useless at this moment. There is a formula to everything. He makes it so. All situations should be computable. Emotions are intangible and he has minimized personal involvement in such scenarios. His intimate encounter with another individual before Raito should had been a warning sign. The loss had rendered him inoperable for 22 hours, 13 minutes and 51 seconds, after the initial shock. The severance was permanent and though it seemed ironically better that way, it still leaves a mark on him. Lingering pain could mean a lifetime's suffering. Nevertheless, it is this unknown possibility with Raito that both baffles and intrigues him. It is with much regret that everything is drawing to an end.

The familiar room, the familiar bed, the familiar tea table and the varieties of items on it. After changing clothes, Raito notices the reappearance of the cup of instant noodles. He chooses to overlook it this time. He is not a mother hen fretting over her precious babies. L is no baby. _Why should I care? Kira will be caught and we will go our separate ways. No strings. _That is what he struggles hard to believe.

However, there is an item on the bed that cannot be ignored. Raito picks it up with a certain degree of guilty pleasure and tosses it at L in exaggerated irritation.

"Help yourself to it and leave me in peace."

Raito reclines in bed, dressed in shorts and t-shirt. He stares straight at the ceiling, as if finding the whiteness more fascinating than the person next to him. He has raised his knees to conceal his automatic response to the supposedly offending item.

L fingers at the soft fabric and observes Raito, understanding the sudden change. It is to be expected, after watching the live actions at that particular day. Since then, Raito has spurned his advances, both subtle and blatant. It is not in his nature to explain himself to another person. As Raito has shown his vulnerable self through his previous confession, L feels obliged to make some clarifications, if only to be able to touch the heart of the young man for one last time.

Raito listens with superficial indifference to L's flat tone as the detective gives a summary report of the unfortunate adolescent. The boy is from a broken family. He and his sister suffer from sexual abuse from the stepfather. The boy has shown to be unusually overprotective of his sister, which could be interpreted as a type of self protective mechanism to divert the trauma and transform it into an acceptable form. Watari has made arrangements to have the proper authorities to look into the matter and to organize adequate support and counseling to aid with their recovery. Raito hasn't spoken a word.

"I trust that Raito-kun believes in justice, no matter what."

"No matter what." Raito echoes quietly, his frigid attitude softening.

"I serve justice. I am justice. How could Raito-kun have a lack of trust in me?"

"L, did you ever believe in me?"

"This is completely unrelated. Raito-kun is biased."

"Tell me about being biased. How does a dose of your own poison taste like?"

The entailing silence magnifies the soft purring of the powered on notebook. This is not a lovers' quarrel. It jostles them with a start, to be refreshed of the one single cause that had brought them together. Time and efforts have been consumed during these weeks, months, to reach where they are today. Together, they have solved the puzzle. With their own hands, they have created something stronger than the cuffs that are binding them together. That will make their inevitable parting difficult.

The silence continues. Neither says a word. No one has an appropriate phrase to relieve the fragile moment. Raito will return to his academic life and resume his pathway to being number one. L will carry on his duty as the top notch detective and wield his analytical probabilities to resolve injustice. Perhaps their paths will cross in the near future. Whatever the circumstance, it will never be the same as now. As some wise people would say, cherish the present and the people around you. The problem seems to be the present.

L is not eating his sweet food. The cakes with a strawberry on top don't look as appetizing as they should be. With a sinking heart, he drops cubes after cubes of sugar in his tea. Even with the physical presence of Raito next to him, he is losing him already. It is probably better this way. To maintain a certain distance to numb the eventual misery. Behind him, Raito's breathing grows light. He has fallen asleep. L studies the sleeping young man, keeping his pain under tight reins. After 2 minutes, he covers him gently with a blanket. Raito sleeps away, unperturbed.

Raito is always a light sleeper. He has noticed the approaching scent of L and his breaths. He could almost feel his burning examination of him through his closed eyelids. If it had been any other day, these could be enough to arouse him and give him away. Today is not any other day. His current melancholic mood leaves no room for other emotions. So much for L's professional detachment. He is causing more havoc than he could imagine in his life as a student. He has grown too fond of the detective for his own good. It takes every last shred of his discipline to remain perfectly still when L places the blanket over him.

The countdown ticks by, second by second. Even L is deep in slumber. All is quiet. There is no reason for Raito to be awake, but he has roused from his dreamless sleep. L has started to toss about in distress. _Is he having a nightmare?_

Suddenly, L yells out a name.

* * *

_Note:_ I'm feeling kind of down these days so if it's reflected in my writing and affecting you in some way, don't take it too personally. As usual, I've done the initial checking to the best of my knowledge. Comments are welcome.

-M.H., Jun 10, 2007


	12. Chapter 12 Confession

_Chapter 12 _

It clicks. It fits the puzzle. Though there must be many unknown pages of L's past waiting to be discovered, it is definitely one of the missing pieces. It sounds like a generic first name that applies to both genders, but it could be a surname. Raito assumes it's a person since he doesn't know any desserts by that name. It would not be surprising if the detective is dreaming about cakes getting stolen. Nevertheless, there was a hinted reference to an individual during his confession, which seemed like ages ago. No matter, he will know soon enough.

x x x x

_"I have a confession to make." _

_L waited and he appeared to have dozed off before Raito continued. "I feel afraid." _

_It takes great courage to acknowledge one's fears. It would be one step beyond to share it with another person. L respected that. _

_"I have no doubt that this is a dream." L was half looking forward to 'I'm Kira.', but it was such a poignant gesture for Raito to be disclosing his vulnerability that the detective had refrained from voicing out his inappropriate train of thoughts to ruin the moment. They would never have this conversation in broad daylight. Only in dreams are secrets revealed. _

_"When the investigation is over, where will we go?" _

_"We continue to serve justice." _

_"No, where will WE go?" _

_L did not respond. Raito went on. "Life drags on. Nothing means anything. Everything seems uninteresting. I have never felt so much alive before partaking in the investigation." _

_"It has been a rather remarkable investigation. Our subject has been the most elusive one thus far." L's tone was neutral. He was being cautious not to give anything away. After all, he was the confidant and it was not necessary to confide in return. _

_Raito breathed in L's scent, which had been magnified by their spent passion moments ago. He rested his face in the crook of the detective's neck and started in a toneless voice. "We go on our separate ways after this case is over. The future seems ambiguous." _

_"Raito-kun will be a man of achievements." L's fingers combed gingerly through Raito's hair, feeling the strands, warm and smooth. Raito leaned into the comforting hand, seeking much needed console from the man that he barely knew, the man who understood him better than anyone else on earth. _

_"It'll be lonely without you around." Raito raised his left hand, feeling the weight of the cuff. Initially, he had come to loathe it. Now, he knew there would always be a connection between them, with or without the metal link. His throat constricted, yet there was a rush to express himself. There were many unspoken words. Too many. He lacked the courage. _

_"What is the meaning of life?" Out of the blue, L asked an impossible question. _

_"That's an expression, L. It's supposed to be rhetorical." _

_"I believe not. I am confident that with your intelligence, you can certainly answer it." _

_"Under whose perspective?" Raito had never considered the question seriously. Life is just a state of being. What else could it mean? _

_"That's 50 percent correct." _

_"What's the other 50?" _

_"If I had to dictate it verbatim, it would not be your life. It is for you to uncover. Only you alone have the key to it." L's answer left Raito with more questions. L thought, hoped, he had found his other 50. _

_The surreal moment continued. Their stressed daily operations allowed little room for respite. It was only fair to relax from the influence of this insane world, if only for a short while. Raito felt too comfortable to move._

_"L?" _

_"Yes, Raito-kun?" _

_"I have come to respect you, like you even." _Like? Nice try._ The term was too weak. Much too weak to convey his true emotion. He was beginning to understand the untiring drive behind Misa's obsession. _

_"Social etiquettes would require one to feedback in a positive manner." _

_"Then have good manners." It would be painful otherwise. Raito didn't care if L couldn't recall any of this afterwards. He wanted lies, sweet lies to soothe his fragile heart. _

_"Consider your feelings reciprocated, Raito-kun." L's tone was solemn. It was difficult to discern the emotional authenticity behind it. _

_Perhaps that was as close to prying any expression of feelings from L as he ever could. Maybe that was faked._ It cannot be a lie!_ This was supposed to be a dream. People speak truthfully in dreams. Dreams are the last resort humans have to display their genuine selves without apprehension, without receiving criticism. It would be pathetic if someone has to lie in a dream. Simply inhuman. The person should be locked up in an institution. L did not fit the type. L was human. L was his._ You and I, we are together. _Raito could feel warm liquid twirling around his eye sockets. He dared not shut his eyes for fear of the overflow. He held onto L tightly. Only in a dream would he allow himself this show of weakness. _

_"Care to explain your feelings?" Raito murmured against L's pale neck, the words felt rather than heard. Tears threatened to break free. _

_"They have yet to be analyzed. I have a theory." _

_Raito groaned._ A theory? Now?_ L simply had no regards to others' emotions. Raito put two fingers on L's lips when he felt vibrations at his neck signifying air passing through his vocal cords. He feared the truth. _

_"Shhh..don't give a speech in a dream. It's only an illogical state of mind. You can save your theory." _

_L drew his lips together to kiss softly on Raito's fingers. There was nothing erotic about it, yet Raito felt as though he had been licked down there. The cum sodden silken cocoon still held their lengths prisoners. He grew hard. _

_"You amaze me in many ways." _

_"Am I being compared?" _

_L said nothing. The silence was a tricky response that could be interpreted as a simple 'no' or a guilty 'yes'. It fueled Raito's curiosity. _

_"Everyone is unique." In other words, 'yes' in three words. All this time, he wanted to understand the detective. He had been given the chance at this pretense of a dream. Raito decided not to pursue further though. L seemed far too coherent. He suspected L believed this to be a dream as much as he believed Raito not being Kira. It was a shame that they could not communicate their true intentions and feelings in a normal environment. They needed a make-believe dimension. It was ironic that only under a false state could they share true emotions. _

_Time stretched on. Raito planted a feather light kiss at the detective's neck._

_"L?" _Now or Never._ There was a bursting feeling deep inside and he could no longer contain the flow. _

_"Hmm?" _

_In a shaky whisper, the young genius finally confessed, "I love you." _

_"As do I, Raito-kun." Without hesitation, L breathed out the words while maintaining the gentle massage at Raito's scalp, fingertips tracing pathways to set the young man's spine tingling. "As do I." _

_A drop of lukewarm liquid slid off Raito's cheek to land on the detective's throat. It contained joy, pain, hope and bitterness. He had feared the worst. He had expected to be ridiculed. It didn't matter that those three words didn't match his. He knew they meant the same thing. They had finally reached a common ground, though it seemed rather late in the stage. At any rate, exhilaration bubbled through him. Their hearts beat together, steady and strong. He felt content at this moment in time, in his lover's arms. _

_L envied Raito. Unlike the young man, his mechanisms for initiating tear flow had long rusted. It should be a fundamental instinct, a birthright. Babies could do it. He just couldn't. Over the years, he had shunned emotions. Human weakness. Mere hindrance in the face of crime. Raito had somehow lit up his life. Being happy is not a sin. Being sad does not bring Armageddon. He had learned much from the young man. He had been saved. He had dared to love again._ No, that was nothing compared to this. What happens next? The future seems ambiguous indeed.

x x x x

"Tailor-!"

While Raito is thinking up a strategy to guide L awake without gaining a black eye, the detective has opened his eyes. They are open but he is not seeing the present. He reaches for Raito's silhouette in the near darkness and embraces him with surprising strength.

"Don't go." L's voice is slurred.

"I'm here." Raito is resting on his side, face slightly below the detective's jaws.

"It was my oversight. I should have never agreed to it." L has definitely mistaken him for someone else.

"Shh...everything is all right." Raito speaks softly, rubbing his palm along the detective's spine gently, soothing the visible anguish.

L's body relaxes and yields to the tender strokes. His rising erection digs into Raito's stomach. Then he tenses.

"Raito-kun?" His words are sharper with a higher level of alertness.

"The one and only." Raito's reply is rather dry.

"What happened?"

"You were yelling your lover's name." Raito is taking a wild shot. _Is it a hit or a miss?_ He braces himself.

L tenses further. _It's a hit._ It is a miracle his muscles are not developing spasms.

The midnight stillness contains much potential. It is a restful time for the tired mind. It is a perfect period to carry out criminal deeds. It is a horrifying state for ghosts from the past to resurface. He has kept everything useless and obsolete categorized and shut away with his sheer mentality. He berates himself for allowing his heart to loosen the filing system within his mind. L attempts to unwind the tension. He places a kiss at Raito's forehead, which aligns with his own lips.

Raito experiences a dull ache in his chest. Not from jealousy. He has established that there's no current lover lurking in the shadows. It pains him to know that L has been burying his hurt all along. The great detective is respected by all with his astonishing abilities to solve mind wrecking cases but he is unable to resolve his own issues whatsoever. That's a ripple in an otherwise mirror still pond. It is only a matter of time before the disturbance reaches the outer edge. Only then would it become still again. He has everyone fooled with his expressionless stare and flat tone of voice. Was it his plan to keep everything locked up for the rest of his life? Were his moments of passions merely facades to throw him off too? He believes not. He hopes not.

Raito reaches between their bodies to grip at the erection pressing at his stomach. L holds his breath, "Leave it. I might hurt you."

To a mere stranger, it is quite touching. Yet to Raito, the simple expression of concern seems like a solid statement of their roles in this relationship. Though it annoys him, he decides to let it pass. There's the shadow of a doubt. Besides, it is a rather delicate moment. Perhaps L is indeed expressing concern.

"No, we wouldn't want that."

Raito proceeds to unfasten the pair of pants that's in the way. He reaches inside the boxers to touch L. The detective inhales sharply. A little release of stress should give them both a few more hours of sleep.

Raito slides his thigh in between the detective's legs to place his arousal against the top of L's thigh. He hitches up his own t-shirt and positions L's hard flesh at his stomach, pointing up. L lifts his left leg to swing it over Raito's hips, closing in the space for better friction. They are still in an embrace and the effect works pleasurably fine. They rock up and down in each other's arms. Tiny gasps and moans escape from their lips.

Soon, L has laid a sticky trail at Raito's stomach. The smooth path enhances the blissful sensation and he quivers pleasantly as the shot of hot liquid gushes out. He clutches onto Raito, an instinctive response that he finds immensely satisfying. Raito's bulge is still evident, pressing at his thigh. The breathing patterns and the heated cheeks signal to L that Raito only needs a few more strokes of encouragement. He glides in his palm to cup Raito through his shorts. No underpants. He kneads at the outline of his clothed erection.

"Nnnn..no, let me...ah..ahh..ahhhh- " Raito comes in L's hand.

"Did Raito-kun say something?"

"I hate you." Raito groans. He was about to undress to finish it. Now he has to take everything off.

"I love you too." L understands this should be a humorous response to a supposedly unfavorable expression of one's feelings. He has always wanted to apply it to a situation. He is pleased to have finally found the very person he could use it to and truly mean it in a serious way.

L senses a smile from Raito, since the young man has pressed his face under his chin earlier. Is he perceptive enough to decipher the actual feeling behind the comical front?

Being with Raito is an entirely different experience. His past lover, if he could call him lover, was basically an acquaintance that worked in different sectors. Both of them were detached emotionally, even when they were attached physically. Their relationship was merely a convenience at the time. Though the other man had committed capital offense, L still blames himself for hastening his death. Their intimacy had made him blind and the criminal activities were accomplished right under his eyes. When asked, the criminal lover did not hesitate to offer his assistance to serve justice for one last time, knowing there was a high possibility of dying. It was conceivable that the criminal had wished to redeem himself, nevertheless, L has felt guilty ever since when the service ended in predicted fatality. The recent bombardment from Raito's overwhelming emotions has melted his icy fortress and sets loose a series of unpleasant memories. _Was it a nightmare he had awoken from?_ It doesn't matter now. It was in the past. Raito is in the present. Raito matters.

x x x x

"Higuchi, how have you been killing people?" L asks through the amplifier, necessary to be overheard from the noises the helicopter makes. Raito is sitting beside him, watching intently.

Kira is cornered. He has been handcuffed and blindfolded. Police are everywhere. There is nothing Higuchi could do except to confess his secret. Yagami-san is then asked to pick up a certain notebook from the crushed car, which Higuchi claimed can kill people. He almost suffers a heart attack from seeing a monster suddenly looming over him. Mogi is next when he touches the black notebook. He recovers more quickly than Chief Yagami and hands the notebook to L, who is in the helicopter.

"Indeed..a shinigami. It...really...exists.." L stares unblinkingly at a vague spot behind the crushed car, where Higuchi is currently surrounded by the authority.

"Ryuuzaki, is it true?" Raito leans close to L and makes a grab for the notebook. "Let me see that."

L has superhuman reflexes and immediately stretches it out of bounds, to Raito's surprise. Disappointed, Raito fumbles with the seatbelt and hopes to get a good look at it when he retrieves it from L. Watari is in the process of disassembling his sniper rifle. L could wait the 60 seconds. He tucks the notebook at the top of his pants where it lies next to his stomach. His sweatshirt covers it and he folds his legs to himself tightly, circling his arms around to reinforce the temporary shield. He puts his chin on his bent knees for good measures. Somehow, he has an ominous feeling that he'll lose Raito if he is allowed to make contact with the notebook.

"Ryuuzaki, this is not a game." Raito attempts to reach for the notebook without appearing to be molesting L.

"Patience is a virtue, Raito-kun." L's mood is dark, so is his voice. "I will stop guarding it when the appropriate time arrives."

"You know I'm not exactly virtuous when I am determined to get what I want. Give it!" Raito has to attack from the sides. L's legs and feet are formidable weapons, hard lessons learned from their intense fighting sessions. He stands behind L's seat and bends to grip at the sides of his waist. He could feel the rectangular outline of the notebook through the clothing as his fingers search deeper. L refuses to budge and he prepares to raise his head to knock Raito square in the face.

"Ryuuzaki, Higuchi is under official arrest and is being escorted to the police headquarters." Watari has appeared magically next to Raito. The old man still wears his sniper's outfit. It would be unsettling if he had already changed into his normal clothing in such a brief moment.

Raito blushes and steps back, mouth agape and about to explain the situation when words fail him. Watari holds open a briefcase made with a waxed burgundy leather exterior. He appears nonchalant, as if it were an everyday occurrence to witness two males frolicking in a helicopter. L has two fingers at each upper corner of the notebook when he brings it forth to drop it inside. The lid is shut with an audible click. To access the briefcase, two sets of combination code are required.

Fuming in frustration, Raito stares venomously at the top of L's skull. Even with all the commotion of capturing Kira, the detective is still wary of him. All he wanted was merely to take a look. Is that a crime? He doesn't claim ownership to the notebook. What harm did L see in that? Then it dawns on him that L holds onto his ridiculous theory of the ability transfer of Kira's powers.

L hops off the pilot's seat and mumbles he needs to get off the helicopter for a while. His slouch is worse than usual.

"What's the matter?" Raito hasn't noticed anything out of place. If L could pilot the helicopter, surely motion sickness should be a far away possibility.

"The vibrations. They are aggravating my conditions." L shifts uncomfortably as he shoves his feet into his only pair of shoes, not bothering to tie up the shoelaces.

"You could trip and break your neck. What a pathetic end to the great detective." Raito kneels to tie the loose shoelaces. When done, he tugs smartly on the legs of L's pants to confirm his thoughts. The pair of pants stretches tight across a bulge up above. Confirmed.

"That was unnecessary." L has an interesting way to express gratitude. Or was that a reprimand for pulling on his pants?

"I expect to get unchained today. Kira has been caught." Raito glances at the line of vehicles disappearing into the night.

"In that case, some celebrations would be in order. I look forward to tonight."

A thrill of anticipation travels through Raito. _It's a celebration party, isn't it? Or did he mean something else?_ Then a wave of sorrow crushes him. _It's finally over, isn't it?_

* * *

_Note:_ -prepared to dodge tomatoes and rotten eggs- Thanks for reading this far. This chapter's not as good as I'd hoped it should be. But at least, I'm moving things forward. It's summer. I can't think. I hope to shorten my lapses in between chapters. Not many left. According to the manga timeline, it's a week before you-know-what happens. I'm nasty for even mentioning it here. I know my faults lie in being confusing. If you ever find anything confusing, ask me.

-M.H., 070707


	13. Chapter 13 Conflict

_-_This chapter is kind of disturbing (and unnecessary, but here it is). Contains some graphic scenes. I can't seem to think happy lately. This is just to warn off people who prefer happy stuff. If you wish to skip it, all you need to know is Raito holds a grudge against L.

----

_Chapter 13 _

Misa has dozed off in the swivel chair in front of the screens. She is left all by herself, immobilized by a long chain L had secured her body with before he departed with Raito and Watari by utilizing the helicopter as a means of transport. Her anxiety had been washed away as the scenes played out just the way they were planned. The stress had drained her and fatigue had sweetly convinced her eyelids to relax.

It is approaching midnight. L and Raito have returned. They have anticipated an outburst from the little ball of fire. The deathly silence unnerves them until they reach Misa. She is asleep. It couldn't be too comfortable falling asleep with a chain wrapped around the body. L takes out a long keychain from his jeans pocket and inserts a key into one of the padlocks. Misa stirs, her face glistening with sweat.

"..stalker-san..Misa needs to go pee.." She whimpers in distress.

L actually cringes. In his career, he prides himself for his efficient interrogations of suspects with additional persuasions which usually overlap the legal boundary. Due to the high success rate, the authorities simply looked the other way and pretended to know nothing, even when they had learned of the methods he'd been using. He has never suffered from a guilty conscience, until now. Raito has unlocked his heart. L is no longer the invincible detective.

Misa is obviously having a nightmare and L is only too aware of the cerebral content. It has been months since her release from his detention. The trauma is affecting her more deeply than her regular bubbly personality lets on. Her eyelids suddenly flutter open. L looks inquisitively at her but his heart thumps hard in unease.

"Raito?" Misa turns her head to search for her Prince Charming. If L is present, her Prince can't be too far away. This is one fact she has to swallow against her will.

Raito is behind her to help to remove the chain. Misa's arms have been bent up for hours and her bound feet are not faring much better. Cold and sharp numbness fires through her limbs when she tries to move. She really needs to go. Her bladder is killing her. She shudders when the insistent signal beeps at her to loosen the flow. The nearest bathroom should be around fifty steps away but she predicts by the time she takes five, the floor would be splattered with her golden shower. The thought is appalling enough to make her blush.

L notices Misa's balled fists and how her legs draw tight against each other. He is probably the only one that heard her dream talk. Without preamble, he scoops up her petite form, one arm around her waist and the other underneath her knees. Raito's eyebrows shoot up, mystified.

"Pervert! Put me down!" Misa protests shrilly while pounding feebly on the detective's chest and shoulder. She has to mind the pressure she puts on her stomach. Too much and she might as well die on the spot.

L first inspects the seat of the swivel chair. Dry and clear. A good sign. He walks purposefully out of the main room, dragging Raito with him.

"Ryuuzaki, what are you doing?" Raito never thought Misa would be invited to a celebration party in this manner, especially not a private one, if that was what the detective had in mind.

"This is not what it appears to be." L's explanation soon makes sense when he deposits Misa to the restroom down at the hallway. "I do apologize, Misa-san. Have a good night."

Misa is astounded by his astute perception. _How'd he know?_ She is confused with a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude for his act of kindness. What did she call him? Very unappreciative of her! She stutters a 'thank you' as they leave her to tend to her business. The detective is not bad by nature. _Is this the man Raito wants dead?_ She loves her Raito and she will do anything for him. His words are absolute, should he give instructions. Tears fill her miserable eyes as she reflects on how difficult it has become to love someone.

With startling realization, L finds that he was attempting to compensate the 'wrong' he had done on the girl. Not wrong for suspecting her as second Kira, but wrong in how she was treated while she was detained. He even breathes easier after he assisted her out of her predicament. He has never had any qualms over his own practices. That is the extent of the damage he suffers from loving Raito. It softens his heart too much.

Raito observes L while they walk on in silence. Something must be wrong. L has been acting extremely strange. Not that he is above normal on any other day. He is simply odder today. He has been in the presence of this mysterious man too long not to notice. They all anticipated the successful capture of Kira. He could eliminate that as the reason. Was it the shinigami? Was it his confession of love? Raito would like to assume the latter one being true. If the sweet emotion could be present earlier, their weeks together would be so much more enjoyable. He smiles sadly to himself, trying desperately to forget the case is over.

They have arrived at their bedroom. A room where many discoveries have been made, of the Kira investigation, of each other. They have turned the room into a real home. It has absorbed their despondency, frustration, anger, joy, passion and, most importantly, love. This is probably the final night they would enter it together. The end of the mouse chase.

L saunters unhurriedly to the tea table and is about to perch on the bed to dive into his cake when Raito clears his throat and indicates he needs to use the bathroom. L simply unlocks his cuff and waves him off. He must have his cake. It helps to divert his thoughts away from Raito. He is confident if the Death Note is inaccessible, Kira will stay submerged. Not Higuchi. Raito _was_ Kira. The newly gained evidence should be sufficient to incriminate him.

If indeed Kira had killed with the said notebook, then there should be a series of handwritten names inside to correlate to the list of the deceased falling victim to Kira's warped sense of judgment. A handwriting match should be easy. However, they have relied on computers too much to have any needs to do any manual note taking. How to obtain his writing.. On second thought, it would be very disappointing if the original Kira had left any trace of his crime. _Stop. The cake is getting impatient. _Since when has anything ever come between him and his cake?

Raito has very little energy left. The adrenaline filled day has taxed his physical limits. He feels drowsy and is on autopilot as he prepares his bath. Clothes discarded, he climbs in and lets out a soft sigh. The warm bath is relaxing enough to lull him to sleep, his head drooping a bit on his side.

Midway to his second piece of cake, L decides to inspect the Death Note. He retrieves the burgundy briefcase from under the tea table and turns the dials to match the combinations for unlocking it. The black notebook is laid on the bedspread. He gnaws thoughtfully on his thumb as he flips open the cover. He notes with sardonic amusement at how this abominable piece of weapon comes with complete instructions. On impulse, he glances around the room for the monstrous apparition he saw earlier tonight and found nothing. It couldn't be a mere hallucination. Yagami-san and Mogi-san had witnessed it as well. The possibility of all three of them being insane is extremely low.

Leafing through another page, L observes dispassionately at how the same set of orderly handwriting had filled the rows with more names and time of death, which had started during the period of Raito's confinement. What of the earlier deaths? If pages were removed.. he would expect no less from Kira. L holds the front cover instruction page to the lamp at an angle to check for any trace of pen marks impressing onto the malleable surface. Then his stomach drops out of him when a very familiar name is revealed. The indent is visible on the black paper, scrawled across in arrogant strokes, so much so that he could imagine the trail almost cutting through the original page. It was meant to be him. It was supposed to be his name here.

x x x x

_"Yes, I accept. My execution is scheduled this evening. It doesn't actually make any difference." The man's solemn reply was displayed on a screen in a video conference._

_"This is basically a suicide mission. Once you agree to our terms, we are not under any obligation to see to your personal safety. On the other hand, in the event that you do survive, you will be given full pardon. You have five minutes, Mr. Tailor."_

_"You all know very well I'm damn good at impersonating L. I don't even need five seconds to make up my mind. I'm signing the agreement right now. There's a lawyer next to me so it's all good and proper." The man in question scribbled his signature on a five-page contract without examining a single letter out of the fine prints._

_"I know you're watching this, L." Tailor stared straight into the camera. He added in a softer voice, "Here's to you."_

_He has formed a fist with his right hand. The index finger was slightly raised but remained curled as he brought the bent digit to the tip of his nose. He tapped on it then took his hand forward a few inches, slowly closing and reopening his eyelids once._

_L understood the message. He had seen it twice in his life. Once was when he was teasingly shown it was a loving way of saying goodbye in public. The second time occurred when Tailor was arrested. This would make it a third time. If his calculations and hypothesis proved to be accurate, the fatality rate was relatively high. Tailor must be quite aware of the doomed offer and was in effect waving a final affectionate farewell._

_The criminal served his purpose by dying during the television broadcast. It left an empty feeling in L. His mind shut down after the broadcast and rebooted itself in a day or so. He was as diligent as usual as he continued with the investigation. Nothing could stop him from serving justice._

x x x x

L blinks from the random flashback. Maybe not so random. A criminal killing another criminal became a step forward in locating Kira. He was destined to die on the same day in any case, only by a different method. If Raito was indeed Kira... He exhales heavily, not realizing he has been holding his breath. Speaking of Raito.. he hasn't returned yet. L locks the briefcase and puts it away. He strolls towards the bathroom.

L enters unannounced. Knocking sounds redundant at this point. Raito's worn attire is scattered on the floor, contrasting with his habitual tidy practice. He is fast asleep in a tub of soapy water. A sleeping angel. Not that he's any less breathtaking when he's awake. L cannot resist pecking a fleeting kiss on those delicious lips. He has thought of waking up Raito but decides to join him instead.

Raito is roused by toes digging into his buttocks and pressure on his inner thighs. He opens his eyes just as a body settles on top of him. Involuntarily, he draws his thighs closer and gasps as the other's erection presses against his. L crouches in between his legs and grips onto the edge of the tub for balance while he leans in for a kiss. Their tongues engage in an intoxicated slow dance. They drink greedily on each other's lips like men thirsty for water in a desert. L trails his fingers along Raito's chest to tweak on a nipple. The slippery sensation fires up his arousal, extracting a series of low moans muffled between their mating tongues.

"What does Raito-kun want?" L breaks off from the passionate kiss and asks in a husky voice. His left hand traces downwards lazily for a treasure hunt. He stops and lingers on the prize.

"Hahh..you.." Raito starts to glide himself in and out of L's slippery fist, bucking his hips more rapidly in a progressive manner. He is close. Water waves crest over the edge of the tub to splatter onto the bathroom floor. L grips harder just as the orgasmic flow almost starts. Raito nearly cries out in frustration.

"What does Raito-kun want?" L repeats, more seriously this time.

"Nnn..the truth..." L has relaxed his death grip and Raito begins to pump again. "..everything.. ahh.."

The tub of swaying liquid transforms into a thousand tongues lapping all over Raito's heated body. The caressing currents slip at every nook and crease, stirring at each nerve ending intimately. The greater the movements, the higher the opposing force pushing against his flesh, fanning at him seamlessly with liquid ribbons. His flushed cheeks turn two shades redder as his climax hits him. The walls resound with his ragged breathing and heavy moaning for a while. Curiously, his erection stays firm. L unplugs the drain for a visual check. Rock hard. Raito has just stumbled upon a secret, yet learnable, ability many men would be envious to know about.

"Oh god..oh god...I'm..ahh..hahh.." Raito's face is in a beautiful mask of wanton lust. His dark brown eyes are large and his flushed lips part in exquisite surprise. His crimson cheeks are many rose petals pieced together. Ratio is a rose with thorns. He is gorgeous as much as he is dangerous.

L feels an irresistible desire consuming him as he lifts up Raito to push him against the porcelain tiles, facing the wall. He swiftly plunges into the young man with savage force. His thrusts are unkind. His grasping fingers leave red marks on the other's hips, enough to hurt but not enough to bruise. The series of pleasant delights have ceased in Raito as pain from the hard flesh driving into him registers.

Astonishment has impeded Raito's ability to react immediately. _How could this be happening?_ He loves him, does he not? Given that he has lounged in the bath for a while and feels weak in the knees, he has unwittingly let this carry on until a strong pulse in his mind snaps through his languid haze signaling him to defend himself. He begins to claw ineffectively at L behind him, attempting to dislodge him. L has a stronger hold.

L derives no mental gratification out of his selfish impulse. He is alarmed by his own strained beastly grunts of carnal satisfaction. He could feel his facial muscles contort in dark enjoyment. The rush of pleasure is both frightening and painful. The desire to envelope Raito in a protective nimbus is strong. He wants to safeguard his Raito. He hopes to exorcise the seed of evil out of the young man. Perhaps to pound some sense into him before.. Before what? He needs to brand Raito as his. Only his. _This is immoral. _His erection loses its ferocity second by second, thrust after thrust. Finally he lets out a strangled sob when he can no longer sustain it.

_L cannot be crying. He is a goddamned unfeeling motherfucker isolated from the human society. __What the fucking hell just happened?_ Raito whirls around and does the first thing that comes to mind.

**_Smack!_**

The contact is not as vigorous as he'd had wanted, simply because he saw L's red rimmed eyes a split second prior to his action. He has dampened his velocity. He'd like to believe he held back to minimize the chance of slipping from the recoil force. L gives him a stare devoid of all emotions, eyes dry while holding his left cheek, but Raito can see through that. Being impassive is a distinctive expression all by itself.

Except for the running water down the drain and the splashing sound of liquid on skin, the steamy atmosphere is dense with dreadful silence. Raito attempts to wash off more from his body, even after the soap has been rinsed off entirely. Neither talks while they don their sleepwear. No shirts tonight. Raito curses himself for not bringing his underpants. It has become a natural habit to sleep in shorts only, ever since that accidental piping problem.

Raito supposes he deserves a wild display of outburst but that seems immature. He settles on ignoring L to nurture his hatred. Maybe this is better. If he could not be with someone, is it not an ideal solution to despise this person? Will that be powerful enough to block the memory of all their wonderful moments together?

L is familiar with hatred. Criminals express that to him constantly, by whatever means necessary. He could care less. It is different this time. Even though they will be separated after the Kira case is resolved, he hopes to part on good terms with his love. It is his first time so intensely involved with another individual, on more than one level. An acidic pot of remorse is cooking him alive. He will forever regret tonight if he cannot make things right.

L cuffs them both on their way to the bed. Raito notices a small bundle of flimsy garment on the blanket but ignores it. He swiftly settles on his side facing away from L to hide his sudden erection. The urge to come is restored. He reaches in his shorts to free his arousal out of the leg opening and carries on quietly. His breathing is even and his lips are kept pursed. He attempts to disregard the unpleasant memory from the shower. It is difficult with L present. Maybe he should demand for a separate room. Not a good idea. L would probably be watching through the cameras.

After several minutes of unsuccessful efforts, Raito realizes he needs a higher level of stimulation. He begins to feel for the flimsy garment he saw earlier. It is right under his upper arm. He slips the silky tube on with excited eagerness and resumes his strokes. He shuts his eyes and stifles a moan when the bliss accelerates much faster than by his bare hand alone. The sensitive tip is moist with the silken fabric rubbing back and forth like L's tongue and lips working on him... Raito opens his eyes.

"L...don't...ah.."

Indeed, L has his mouth on it. It feels so good that he doesn't fight it. The detective is crouching behind him and supporting himself with both arms to hover over him while he licks at the moist head. Raito shifts to lie on his back and he moans louder as the movement sends molten silk teasing down his hardness to settle in the depths of his stomach. L now has access to his entire length and he takes it all in. The young man arches his back and thrusts deeper. He gasps aloud when his tip eases beyond the detective's oral cavern to enter his throat.

Thrilled by the new experience, Raito blindly grabs at the bulge in between those perched legs. He tries to guide it closer to his face. When L grasps Raito's intention, he twists his torso and rests his hips on the side next to the brunet. Raito's nimble fingers expose his arousal through the fly of his boxers. Raito toys at it with the tip of his tongue while he searches for the other piece of stocking. When he finds it, he wastes no time to glide it on and cover the velvety member with his mouth. L gives a low growl from the electrifying sensation and it is transmitted to Raito in a very pleasurable way.

As they suck long and hard at each other, their moans and the little catch in their throats transfer into vibrations to set their stiff lengths on fire. The additional silky layer speeds up their imminent release. Raito fondles and squeezes at L through his boxers, feeling his balls tightening. L gives a particularly throaty groan. Raito rides on the lovely hum and makes small frenzied thrusts to rub the circumference of his sensitive head against the warm vibrating walls.

L grows larger between his lips and starts to quiver. The detective lets loose a loud growl as his salty bitterness fills Raito's taste buds. The taste up above and the tremors felt down below send Raito over. He trembles in bliss as wave after wave of exquisite pleasure descends upon him, similar to what he went through during the bath. The waves roll stronger and he submits in ecstatic helplessness to the inevitable pinnacle and shoots his hot seeds against the silk barrier deep inside the other's throat.

Raito has won a small victory with a longer endurance. He refuses to swallow though. The sheer material has caught most of the ejaculate and, in utmost disdain, he spits out the little that had unfortunately seeped through. If the detective thought to compensate him this way, he better think again. Manipulation simply ruffles his feathers. He disengages his softening member away from L and wipes it clean with the rest of the silky tube. He turns over to the other side, away from the man that he loves and hates. The release has helped to relax his body but it does not improve his mood.

When Raito feels movement behind him, he tenses. L slides his unchained arm towards him, trying to cuddle him. Raito bristles, holding his body frigid. L ignores that and continues to mold himself onto his back. His cuffed hand is on Raito's pillow, away from warm skin. His hot cheek makes contact with the back of Raito's neck before he speaks.

"What must I do to gain your forgiveness?" L murmurs. Is that a tinge of shame in his voice?

Raito remains stoic. _Forgive and forget? _They are not little children. In his previous life (before he met L), everything was defined in black and white. Erase the black with white and it'll be white once more. Now he sees grayness in many things. When something's tainted, reversal to pure white is hardly achievable.

"Name a price, Raito-kun." Does L think there is a standard prescription to everything? What is done cannot be undone.

"Anything?" How high is the detective's tolerance?

"Anything." The tone is utterly authoritative and it gives no doubt that the promise is 100 percent guaranteed.

L is capable of virtually anything. The possibility is boundless. Raito frowns in displeasure because he knows L is not bluffing.

"Give me the combinations." L was doing his damnest to separate the notebook from him. He might as well give it a shot. It may sound simple, yet it is the most difficult task to fulfill. It is equivalent to asking L to give up his cakes.

"Curiosity kills the cat, Raito-kun." Of all the plausible wants, Raito had to request for the one thing L desperately hopes had never existed in the first place.

"Do I look feline to you?"

"Indeed. A tiger." The whispery words caress at the outer shell of Raito's ear to make it tingle. The voice is too sensual to interpret it as anything else but what it had intended to express. _No, stay focused. The codes._

"I have seen better negotiation techniques. Now, the codes." Raito is persistent.

L expels one heavy breath and delivers his promise with much reluctance. Raito memorizes the six digits for later use. There is an internal warfare within his heart. He can keep on playing the role of a victim and bring misery to them both. One stone, no birds. It doesn't accomplish anything. Conversely, he can help himself by having a generous heart and reap the benefits of L showering his affections on him, by whatever conceivable means. Somehow, his body has relaxed in L's embrace. It feels surprisingly good. L's arm is a reassuring anchor draping at his midriff and he snuggles into the compliant body behind him.

Raito's earlier anger has lost steam as it ebbs away to reveal the hurt underneath, though he doesn't doubt that he is loved when he slowly sinks below the conscious level. Sleep seems the coward's way out, yet it is necessary to heal his mind. He vaguely recalls catching sight of the briefcase under the tea table and reminds himself the unlocking of it is a priority the next time he awakens.

_Why must it be this way?_ Imaginary tears drip within the detective's heart. History is repeating itself. It seems that he finds something tremendously fascinating in intelligent minds with a criminal streak. He could argue that Raito is innocent by not being aware of his previous deeds. Is it his destiny to shrivel and die without someone he loves by his side? L does not believe in Fate. It is all about facts and calculations. Facts are facts, he cannot change them. However, he can tamper with his calculations. Anything for his Raito.

----

_Note:_ Yikes, my longest chapter ever (dragging on..I know..). I had a different idea initially but it came out this way somehow. Comments welcome, especially from anyone that doesn't like it. Still reading? I'm surprised. You must be extremely patient... -bows in deepest respect-

-M.H., Jul 25, 2007


	14. Chapter 14 Transition

_Note:_ Too many unnecessary details (I can't help it though). I may be blunt with some descriptions because I'm trying not to be confusing.

Just a warning here - two guys, one bed, go figure. Another warning - not in the usual patterns (hint: who's who in this pairing?)

* * *

_Chapter 14 _

Raito stirs and shifts. Someone mutters in a low voice behind him. The presence leaves, taking away the pointed pressure from his butt cheek. The arm that has been draped at his waist is also gone. The hand was reaching much too low, within molest range. Cool air saturates his back, creating that chilly uncomfortable feeling of being abandoned.

The crisp clinking sound of metal against porcelain is heard. Raito's eyes roll back inside closed eyelids. _Can't a guy get some decent sleep? _He rotates 180 degrees to observe the eating figure. L is crouching as usual, his right hand lies on the bed and he uses his other hand to attack the cake. _Ah, so he tried not to wake me with the chain jingling._ Raito could envision husbands going out of their ways to placate to their wives when the ladies are enraged by their men. He rolls his eyes a second time. There's no husband and wife here!

Groggily, Raito eases himself towards the edge of the bed, still flat on his stomach. He ignores the pleasant friction down below where the distended part of him rubs along the mattress. He rests his cheek on his crossed arms at the edge and looks on quietly.

L forks out a dollop of strawberry jam from its glass jar, cuts a portion of the heavily frosted cake with the same utensil and devours the ghastly mixture of carbohydrates and fats in a mouthful. He takes another bite. When the fork dips in the jar for a third time, it is not brought to the cake. The dollop of jam is painted onto the detective's lips. He licks at the glossy red slowly, reminding Raito of other times where those lips were not covered in a fruity spread. L's tongue runs over the fork meticulously to clean every last bit of the sweetness from the shiny metal. This is the same mouth that can stimulate with more than words. Raito feels a tightening at his loins.

"Enjoying the view, Raito-kun?"

Raito is caught unawares but he tries his best to school his features. Fine features that have been tainted a lovely pink.

"I could feel you with my toes." That seems to be a way of explanation.

What toes? L is miles away to sense Raito's arousal. Then Raito realizes his own elbow is almost touching those bare toes. The heat gave him away.

"It must not be too comfortable to be in your current position."

If L tries to make one more veiled reference, Raito would give him a facial mask of frosted cake.

"That would impede my thought processing." L continues his cake consumption.

Raito suspects that is precisely L's intent on him, to distract him. He vaguely recalls something. It is about the Kira case. It comes to an end. There's the man under arrest and..

The Death Note.

The six numerical digits immediately snap to attention in Raito's mind. They are the key to the briefcase. He scans the floor and catches sight of the case underneath those perched feet, slightly more towards the headboard. He decides to retrieve it through a less practical, but more enjoyable, route.

"Excuse me."

L gulps but doesn't retreat when Raito reaches his arm between his feet on his way to taking the briefcase. His already erect member gets firmer when the elbow brushes against it, making unnecessary contact. His hard flesh strains against his boxers, almost springing free from the unbuttoned fly. The halfhearted plan backfires. Actually, there was no plan.

"Your sitting position leaves much to be desired. I can imagine that to be more thought impeding." Smiling impishly, Raito sits cross-legged on the bed and turns the dials of the case.

L brushes off the comment distractedly and focuses his undivided attention to the eager young man. His arms are horizontal on his raised knees and he sweeps a thumb at his lower lip.

_Zero seven nine, three one one._ Raito slides open the latches on each side and lifts up the burgundy lid, his heart pounds fast in curious anticipation.

There is genuine shock on Raito's face, quickly replaced by anger within a second. His furious eyes cut through the air to glare at the detective. L appears quite calm and nonchalant.

"What is the meaning of this?" Raito points at the content inside the briefcase.

"It is part of the Kira investigation. I thought I should inform you thoroughly before further complications occur."

"Yeah, you did mention you were monitoring me and my family with my father's permission, but that doesn't mean it wasn't a violation of my human rights. Well, what's the meaning of this?" Raito demands, raising his voice a notch.

"It is an image of Raito-kun looking intentionally into the camera. It is my belief that, by whatever conceivable means, you were alert to the presence of the surveillance devices installed in your bedroom. Nevertheless, it is interesting to note your spontaneous reaction in person. You seem genuinely unaware of this fascinating incident, even though it was you who had instigated the act."

Raito's hurt deepens. _More tests? Even now?_ He starts to question the love between them. Is this all just a one-sided fairy tale? If L doesn't like him, why led him on when he confessed his true feelings? Kira has been caught. What is the reason for the continuing suspicions? His anger flares but he keeps a close tap on it.

"I'm absolutely dying from laughter. What application did you use? That really looks like me."

"It is an authentic image. I printed out this particular capture from the footage of Raito-kun recorded on tape, at the fourth evening."

"This is simply outrageous!" Raito's cheeks are flushed, partly from embarrassment, mostly from indignation.

"I could show you the exact file, if you would like."

"Don't bother. It's another trap, isn't it? What's the meaning of this?" The enraged brunet asks for a third time.

Before L could reply, Raito just realizes what an idiot he has been.

"A good ploy to yet another distraction." The youth chuckles coldly. "Where is the Death Note?"

"It is in a safe location." L isn't making any effort to deny anything. He is indeed an unfeeling bastard.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ryuuzaki. Does it become unsafe in my hands?"

"95 percent."

"You are overanalyzing things. I would need to examine the notebook one of these days. This is what brought us together. We are partners in the investigation, aren't we?"

"Yes, partners."

"More than partners.."

"More than partners." L echoes softly. He swallows hard against the twisted gnawing at his insides. He should have adhered to his rule of professional detachment. He is sinking deep and fast, to a level that can be the end of him, if something miraculous doesn't come along.

Raito knows direct confrontation will get them nowhere. He should try something less conventional. Though he feels like a lowlife, if the feelings between them are true, then the detective should respond favorably to his emotional side. L's obsession with the Kira ability transfer theory still seems absurd. Since when did Kira become portable?

The student mimics L's sitting posture. His chin rests on his forearms placed perpendicularly to his raised knees. There is an inscrutable expression on his face but he allows his eyes to remain animated. Those dark brown orbs try to contain the sudden flood of tears that threatens to overflow. _I hate this, but drama is my forte. _

The secret to acting is to blend in some truths.

L is both startled and troubled. Throughout the weeks together, Raito hasn't shed a single tear, with the exception of that particularly vulnerable moment of his confession. Kira would try something like that just to catch him off guard. But Higuchi is caught and the Death Note is not under Raito's possession. Perhaps this emotional byproduct is real. He reaches out to the hurting youth.

Raito circles his arms around his shins and rests his cheek on his raised knees, head turned sideways, as if ashamed to be caught on the brink of tears. The detective closes in further to kneel in front of him and hunches his upper torso downwards to envelope the youth in a comforting embrace. Raito hides a smirk in his arm.

It works.

"Raito... it was never my intent to harm you in any way." L has dropped the diminutive _kun _honorific, shortening their distance verbally. "Never. Please trust me on that."

Those softly spoken words give substance to make Raito's tears turn real. The runaway liquid flows along his knee, connecting with L's bare abdomen.

"Raito.." L gently lifts up the young man's chin and kisses along the wet streak on one side of his face. His other eye is still full to the brim with tears. When he blinks, a drop of it drips out, which the older male brushes away, to be followed by another kiss.

Still holding Raito's chin, L dips his head to devour those trembling lips. He feels so much love and he cannot express himself adequately to let the other know of its intensity. There is a tightening in his lower abdomen and he moves slightly away, lest the youth deduce all he wanted was sex all along. Having an erection is a curious thing, it doesn't necessarily mean the man wants intercourse at the moment. However, his tongue has a mind of its own. Its suggestive movements tell Raito how much he wants to be inside of him. It keeps on stroking on the warm roof while circling around the crevice to make sure nothing is missed. The tingly sensation arouses the youth, instilling a burning need in him.

Raito moans with longing at the intimate contact. A kiss can tell so much more. He has once overheard a classmate saying how a prostitute can fuck your brains out but still refusing to kiss you. That is absolutely irrelevant in this situation and he has a sudden urge to laugh.

L breaks off from the kiss and looks down at Raito inquisitively. The sadness is gone from those dark brown eyes. Raito is lowering his legs, connecting with a very erect organ behind a pair of boxers. The detective grunts and makes to move away but Raito stops him. L is now kneeling with Raito's legs in between his knees. In one quick motion, this last piece of garment is being slipped off, though the elastic is caught slightly below his balls since his legs are parted to impede a smooth drop. Raito begins to suck.

L remembers a similar situation from his past with Tailor. They had had arguments and they would make up and had incredible sex afterwards. This is so trite. Nevertheless, if all relationships follow this universal formula then, by all means, have incredible sex. He inhales sharply when Raito's tongue rubs back and forth around the underside near the tip, titillating the sensitive bundles of nerves normally hidden under his foreskin. Sweat beads on his body. He pants unevenly. The ultimate sensation is building up and he presses hard at the base of his member right before it starts. Raito stops and stares up at him, wondering what the heck is going on.

"What's the matter?"

"We need to talk, Raito." Just _Raito_. The student loves this new form of intimacy.

"Oh?" Raito flicks a finger at the rigid length before his face to sway it left and right.

"Raito, I want to.."

"Fuck me?".

"..make love."

"Same difference. Don't try to beautify things."

"What we have here is something beautiful. Can you not sense it, Raito?" L has long discarded his boxers and sits straddling Raito's thighs. He places his chained hand on the brunet's chest. Slowly, he pushes Raito onto the bed with his torso covering him, hearing and feeling their beating hearts.

"Can you not feel it, Raito?" L snakes his other hand downwards.

"I can feel it alright. It still doesn't change the fact that you had me deceived."

"I have been nothing but being honest with you."

"You knew I was after the notebook when I asked for the combinations but you didn't stop me. You tricked me."

"Only because I love you." The tone is quiet yet steady, as sure as the sun will rise in the east.

"Damn you, L! You play dirty." Raito has longed for those enchanting words, but not here, not now. Nevertheless, his resentment is slipping away.

"I love you, Raito." Those sweet words are repeated tenderly against his ear, finally dissolving his outer shell of resistance. The sounds transform into a warm and soothing sensation that sinks deep, stroking at his heart to cause it to jump in elation.

"You play dirty." The feeble accusation sounds like an endearment as the brunet's arms wrap around the detective, hugging him tight, never wanting to let go. The mischievous hand of the other man down below is causing something else to jump.

"When you wish to inspect the notebook, I need to be present and I must have possession of it the same time you do."

"Hold on, is this one of your many negotiation techniques? Did it ever work in the past?"

"I'm serious, Raito."

"Right, they always say get inside a guy's head to win him over. You're getting onto my head. Do I get head out of this too?"

L's hand grips hard to tell Raito he is not pleased with him at all. His most vulnerable part is at his mercy. Raito doesn't like restrictions. He tries to buy time to avoid having any being applied to him. From every perceivable angle, the conditions sound reasonable and given that he is not Kira, there isn't any valid objection he could use, except for L sounding like a control freak. That is too laughable an excuse and he refuses to even voice it out. Besides, he is tired of the Kira percentages. L seems to be waiting for a response.

"Fine." Raito allows grudgingly but he soon gasps when L's continuous ministration works him up to a frenzied arousal. "...ahhh.."

The detective twists away from Raito's embrace to move downwards. The student shuts his eyes when he feels his shorts getting pulled off and whipped cream being smeared onto his distended organ. A couple fingers make their way to his entrance and he tenses. The awful memory from the bath returns. Those persuasive fingers are gentle as they journey through their search, seeking the sacred spot, easing his fear. The tip of a tongue circles his sensitive head when the spot is found. Both are pampered with circular strokes and direct taps, just the way the youth likes it.

"Ahh! L..nnnn...hahhh.." He moans loudly and arches his back but the warm mouth does not clamp down on him as he had expected. It stays teasingly out of reach as those worshipping fingers exit. _Damn you, L. _

Raito feels some fingers grip at the base of his length to direct it to a hot tightness that slowly envelops him. The taut heat continues to swallow him to the hilt when he feels the other man sitting on him. At the foreign sensation, his eyes fly open in pleasant shock. He is the one _inside_! The dark-haired man lifts himself up and bears down again, repeating the same course of actions to set an erotic rhythm that sends them spiraling upwards on their way to the heavens. The student timidly thrusts up his hips and earns an approving grunt from the man above him. Well, Raito was never asked if he wanted this but he enjoys it too much to deem it as a violation. He touches the other's erection which needs much attention and is rewarded with an inner tensing of the walls around his imbedded member. He maintains his strokes and the snug sheath continues to fasten on his hardness, milking the excited flesh. Raito does not know true pleasure until now. He feels his soul being showered with such infinite love as his body is pulled nearer towards the blinding light.

Little cries of ecstasy are torn from both, their breathing ragged and shallow, passionate sweats roll off their bodies, their hearts sing at this celebration of love. At some thrusts, L arches his back and deepens the contact within him. It has been quite some time since anyone has found his spot. L whispers that to Raito. The revelation excites the brunet to a new level and he grows stiffer. The boiling tension is unbearable.

L has his head thrown back as he rides on Raito, sometimes grinding down lightly, most of the time forcefully. He seems to like it rough. Hoarse groans of satisfaction rumble from his throat when the body beneath him drives upwards to fill him completely, bumping at the love spot within him on the way. Slender fingers play with his neglected member and he could feel his sphincters fastening involuntarily onto the hardness buried in him. He is close, so close that his stomach hurts with an overwhelming yearning. He is flooded with love for this young man and he cannot get close enough. He shifts his legs to bend his knees in his usual sitting posture, to compress his pelvis against Raito, to squeeze at the rigid length inside him with all his might.

"Nnn..too tight. I'm a little sore.." Raito gasps both in pain and pleasure.

"Has it occurred to you.. that it might be... the other way around?" L leans close to murmur shakily in Raito's ear. "That... you are... too big?"

Raito almost feels shy at this unexpected compliment. Their exotic delicacy talk comes back to him. His face must be purplish by now.

"How shall we resolve this 'problem', my love?" L teases.

Actions speak louder than words. The youth flips over to pin L on the bed. He lifts one leg outward from the man under him and presses in slowly when he settles in between those legs. In and out. Out and in. He feels powerful at his paced thrusts. Is that how L has felt at all those times? The man squirms restlessly under him, lifting his hips to have more of him.

"Harder..Raito, more..." L pleads in a coarse whisper. The demand is beyond arousing.

Raito kisses L deeply as he comes. The pleasant ripples continue, growing stronger. _Again?_ He is breathless when he looks at L. The detective is half shutting his eyes, cheeks flushed. He should be close too. The brunet disengages and aims the other's member at himself to envelop it whole. _L, I love you too. _The precum and whipped cream are barely enough to lubricate, yet feeling L inside him is a joy. Instinctively, L begins to thrust in a frantic pace.

"Ahh...I love you..Raiiito..nnn..haaahh..."

"I..aaahh.. love you too..L...nnnh.."

L arches his back, plunges in a final thrust and loses himself in Raito. His deafening cry of ecstasy is mixed with Raito's as the brunet is finally overcome by his own intense bliss. Raito lies limply on L, still quivering with the aftereffect from his throes of orgasmic waves while his warm stickiness continues to pool between their abdomens. One of his hands is reaching around L's neck with the intent to wrap him in a kiss when a seismic shock runs through him.

A series of images are forced inside Raito's mind. Names. Many names. Laughter. Maniac laughter. Chase. Neverending chase. Eyes. Misa had the Eyes. Death. Those that deserved it. Hunt. L had declared to hunt him down. A name was written and it had saved a girl. The bad guy had died. Death Note. This is the only way to cleanse the world. He remembers now.

_I am Kira. _

L feels a hand circling the nape of his neck, Raito's face lowering as if to engage him in a kiss. Their lovemaking this time has been extremely satisfying. His whole being is purring with contentment. Then Raito twitches violently. A mad glint enters the youth's eyes and his mouth is open in a silent scream. He is not certain if their recent activities has caused this but it is unsettling to witness the warped expression. Raito's eyes bore into his sharply with a fearsome gleam before they roll back in their sockets. The brunet has fainted and his body slumps lifelessly against him.

Then L remembers. He understands now. How he wishes he didn't.

* * *

_More Notes:_ Gosh, moving at a snail's pace. It was even longer but I've cleaned out useless paragraphs. Since so many people really want to see a happy ending, I've been thinking about it. Nothing is definite at this point though.

-M.H., Aug 11, 2007


	15. Chapter 15 Awakening

_Chapter 15_

"Time to wake up, Raito."

_Father?_ The student blushes. He's in bed with Ryuuzaki, naked. His father is a traditional man. What will he think? He snuggles close to the warm body next to him and hides under the blanket. The skin to skin contact stirs up his desire, but he remains still, fast forwarding all plausible reasons inside his head to explain the unusual situation.

"Raito? Wake up." The tone is amused. The low voice is immediately next to his ear. A wet nibble at his earlobe causes him to shudder deliciously as he opens his eyes with reluctance. _L wants to play._

"Hmm..?" Raito laps at the other man's neck while his hand explores the familiar contours of the body next to him. Bony at some areas, supple in all the right places. The stickiness at their privates is gone. L must have cleaned them up somehow during the night. Raito smiles at the man's thoughtfulness. He takes a tiny nip slightly off his Adam's apple and sucks gently on the soft patch of skin. It leaves a red mark like a mosquito bite.

L shakes the young man by the shoulders in an attempt to bring him to full consciousness, from whatever cerebral fantasy he is acting out. He also unfolds the suffocating blanket to let in fresh air. The room is illuminated by faint rays of sunlight coming through the gaps in between the closed curtains. They are late for their meeting. Raito has been slumbering quite peacefully and he didn't have the heart to wake him too early. His own stomach is growling for some sweet things. The cakes on the tea table have been mutilated dreadfully beyond any hopes of ever being restored to their previously appetizing state. He licks his lips for the remaining trace of the sweet flavor from last night.

On a darker thought, it had been sickening to observe Kira in his raw form, even for a split second. It was meant to be a controlled testing. Raito was not supposed to come in contact with Death Note on his own. He had steered them away from his own pillow during their...activities. Apparently Raito had a thirst to be in control and wanted to top. As a damage control, his head and shoulders didn't budge from the pillow even when their hips were busy. He had been certain the notebook was secure. Ironically, the unforeseen loving gesture from the student had worked against his plan. The hand that was reaching around his neck had definitely touched the notebook hidden underneath. The evil flare of intense emotions was in Raito's eyes, shining through in triumph. He never looked like that afterwards from their pleasant togethers. As swift as Kira was awakened, Raito became unconscious. _Enlightening._

"Stop shaking me, I'm awake." Raito rolls to lie on top of the other man, savouring the solid warmth in his embrace and squinting against the sun. Everything feels wonderful. He nuzzles at the pale throat again as he rotates his hips suggestively, delighting in the ardent response he receives.

"Don't get used to it, Raito-kun." _kun_ is back. Then _Raito_ is reserved only for more intimate moments?

"You are so cranky this morning."

"There might be a condition with you. Your snoring during the night was sufficient to awaken the dead. I would recommend a doctor's visit."

"Oh, I thought sleep is like a disease to you. What does it matter if you don't get any?"

"Exceptions always apply. You. Me. Anyone. Everything."

"The philosopher speaks."

"As much as I would like to have an in depth discussion on the subject, as well as to continue our recreational activities, you may appreciate the fact that we are 19 minutes late for the morning meeting, and counting."

"Shit! Why didn't you say so?" In a sudden burst of adrenaline, Raito flings off the blanket and drags L with him to race to the bathroom.

"You may recall my repetitive attempts at rousing you, Raito-kun." L counters in amusement. Then he glances backwards mournfully at the sweet disaster on the tea table. "I should've ordered fresh cakes."

L has been watching every nuance of the youth during their pillow talk. Facial expression. Tone of voice. Dilation of the pupils. General body language. Raito this morning is only Raito. Kira is no where to be seen. Death Note has been locked away as soon as he had passed out last night. Where is the monster hiding now? Is the mere proximity of the deadly notebook a catalyst to the reemergence of this evil being? What is the true extent of its powers? He is not giving up Raito without a fight. He loves Raito, not Kira.

x x x x

Despite the fact that the cuffed couple is 27 minutes late, L finds it perfectly justifiable to spend 10 more on his cakes and sugary tea before he speaks, leaving the rest of the team waiting in barely tolerable patience and a muted Raito in embarrassed silence.

"Any new progress, Aizawa-san?"

"Yes and no." Their former comrade from the police force has returned to join the investigation. "Higuchi has kept on mentioning the Death Note and he never had to dirty his hands for the murders of all those victims. He was put through a lie detector. His mad ramblings had the staff on watch worried that the machine had malfunctioned. When will you come forth with the notebook, Ryuuzaki?"

L has kept the piece of evidence a secret knowledge from the police. Of course no one would question his methods but he would rather study it in private than under scrutinizing curiosity from the public. He doesn't appreciate surprises. Only he can give surprises.

Yagami-san appears relaxed, possibly as a result of the capture of Kira as a proof of his son's innocence. His brows furrow slightly when his gaze lands on the metal chain between the two young people.

"Ryuuzaki, Raito should be cleared of suspicions. We already have our man."

Raito has adjusted to the cuff quite well in the past few months. When he takes note of the metal ring now, it suddenly feels heavy. Severing it is a first stage of their separation. That also means his freedom is returned to him wholly. Gain some, lose some.

"It's been long enough, Ryuuzaki. People will start to think you try to keep me here for other purposes." Only Matsuda blushes at that.

_As long as I have the notebook, I have a tight rein over Kira. All the physical monitoring becomes redundant._ L hops off the chair and produces a small key from his jeans pocket. "I apologize for all the inconveniences, Yagami-kun."

_So we are on last name basis now._ They were as close as two persons could ever be last night. The chasm between them is expanding fast. Raito doesn't want that, but he puts on a carefree smile as his father walks over and pats him on his back. He rubs at his freed wrist and relishes the feel of exposed skin with very little joy. _Don't be childish. There is a way to work this out. There is always a way._

L resumes his seat and depresses a button to display a capital W.

"Watari, bring it to me."

"Certainly."

In two minutes, Watari enters, bearing the burgundy briefcase in his hands with utmost care. Many pairs of eyes follow its path, even when it has been laid in front of the detective. The atmosphere is pregnant with puzzled curiosity from almost everyone. Raito is the exception. The old man retreats quietly.

"Yagami-kun, would you like to do the honors?"

Raito hesitates. He had expected the combinations to be different. He remembers their pact about inspecting Death Note together. _Does that mean he trusts me now? _Six digits. Case opens. Inside is the black notebook titled 'Death Note', its color a disturbing contrast with the red velvet lining that happens to match its nature. The papers that have taken so many lives are waiting, with all the patience in the world, with all the evil in a condensed volume.

L reaches in first and opens it to show the rules written on the first page. Raito steps closer and leans over his left shoulder, one hand on the back of the swivel chair and his other hand starts towards the page. L hears a sharp intake of breath from the youth, a brief pause, follows by a shaky mesmerizing sigh. He only makes that sigh when he is sexually stimulated. The detective takes a discreet glimpse. Raito is sporting a hard on.

Raito feels a familiar surge of energy. He is seeing live images from the past, exactly identical to last night's replay within his mind, with the addition of a new element. The signals have blended in the sensation from the last moment he had touched the Note, arousing him within seconds, almost triggering an orgasm. It was a shocker and he had to take a deep breath to repress the feeling.

_Shit, this is very inconvenient. Should I let go again, I'll lose the memories. I need to have its ownership if I intend to remember everything without touching it, but it is not possible to kill Higuchi at this moment to initiate the transfer. So long as I have a little something from it can help...wait, I've still got that piece of the Note inside my watch! The question now is how to get it when I do not remember why I need it. _He has an idea.

When L glances up, he catches Raito looking at him with half lidded eyes. Not exactly at him. His gaze has lingered on a spot at his neck before his ravenous eyes tear away. _Oh, the hickey._ L hears another heavy breath, then a murmured "You smell very nice today." _What game is he playing at?_

In a normal voice, Raito states, "I must have left my watch in our room. I need it to focus my thoughts. Have you seen it?" He lets go of the black page and straightens his body.

"I believe your watch is inside the bathroom, next to the basin." L notices Raito is no longer touching the book. "Do I truly have a pleasant scent?" The latter question is in a whisper.

The brunet has a bemused look. He blushes prettily, shifts uncomfortably and stammers, "Huh? Yeah. Very." He has no idea why he feels like making love right now. He stands rooted next to L, unable to comprehend his excited state. It should have something to do with touching the notebook. Is it an aphrodisiac? He needs to put some distance between them, his lover, Death Note. He acts casual and checks for the time. _Right, I don't have my watch. _He remembers L's random remark about his watch.

"I'm going to get my watch. Be back soon." He only needs a little breather to compose himself. He could handle anything, but his erection comes at the most inappropriate of times. It is being stubborn. The two-way trip should be sufficient to calm it down.

"There is no rush. Take your time." L stares pointedly at his crotch. Raito knows L is laughing inside.

Raito walks briskly toward the exit, raises his empty wrist to point at it and announces he is getting his watch, effectively bringing everyone's attention to his upper body.

"Raito doesn't seem to go anywhere without it." Matsuda comments casually. Yagami-san smiles fondly. L deduces it must be a special gift from a father to his son.

_It is the Death Note. It made him aware of whom he has been. I would not presume to have such potent effects on him. The sexual element has apparently been inserted from the unexpected contact with the Note from last night. That means he needs physical contact with it in order to retain his past consciousness of being Kira. He is clueless without it, yet he chose to fetch his watch rather than continue the study of the notebook. Is this a significant lead? _L sweeps a thumb at his lower lip and stares blankly into his cup of tea.

Raito has sprinted all the way to their bedroom. It helps to release some of his tension. _What is wrong with me? Why can't I concentrate on the case? _

The stainless steel wristwatch is on the counter at the bathroom. Raito slips it on and twists his forearm in opposing circular motions to adjust the watchband on his newly uncuffed wrist. When he sweeps away the beads of water from its flat crystal face, he notices a thread snagged at one of the tiny dials at the side. The interior seam of his long sleeve is locking onto the dial. He reaches inside his cuff to turn the dial in an attempt to loosen the cotton. _Moron__, turning it doesn't work. It has to be pressed._ Impatient, he does that rapidly. A slice of the metal slides out. His index finger brushes at whatever is inside..

"Ahh.." He leans his back against the wall, watching the images firing through his mind for the second time this morning, stimulating at some unnecessary neurons to make him feel too tight in his pants. _There are cameras around but I do not know the exact locations. Hah, that can actually help me to avoid the same mistake._ He is glad he was unable to identify the image printout of himself last night. It would have been difficult to pretend ignorance if he had regained his memory at that moment. He still wonders at the reason of his blackout. The sex had been mind blowing. Combined that with the sense of recognizing himself as Kira had evidently crossed the mortal threshold. It must had been a defensive mechanism from the information overload. He supposes it would put any weaker mind in a coma.

Avoiding the needle, he tears a small portion from the piece of Death Note paper and shuts the compartment. The little piece is further divided into two. He hides one beneath the watchband, near his veins, to maintain constant contact. The other one is slipped at the seamed hem of his sleeve where it will fall out at the tiniest scrap. All of these are carried out in secrecy, while he keeps on rotating his hips lightly, nurturing his erection. _Higuchi can still enjoy his petty existence. I can't risk killing him now not knowing who has the Death Note on hand. On second thought, the case will still be under investigation as long as the criminal is alive. L, I will learn your name through Misa. Time is on my side. _

He cups his crotch, giving the appearance that he cannot get enough. He makes his way to the toilet, closes the lid and sits on it._ I need some place to hide the paper on me. _Swallowing the paper is the cleanest method, though he is doubtful if it would survive through his digestive track. Ryuk has never been helpful. With faint annoyance, he reflects that the shinigami probably knows less than he does.

_In the event that the paper is destroyed by the acidic environment, I need a backup. I imagine it'll have to go in both ends. It is too risky to have this inconvenient amnesia._ Fumbling with his pants, he pulls off all the garments to expose his thighs, scraping at his sleeve during the process. The piece of paper drops onto his palm. By the time he brings two digits to his lips to moisten them in preparation, the paper is already secure at his fingertips, being slipped in under his tongue.

He also needs access to the other piece of paper hidden at his watchband. By undoing the watch, the paper is smoothly transferred and concealed between his wet fingertips. All he needs now is a little push to slide it inside himself. _What kind of shit have I gotten myself into? Complications. Complications!_ His feeling for L is not the priority here and he dismisses it for now. His other hand begins to work on his rigid manhood. He expects this to be quite an entertaining performance for them both.

_It's showtime._

The deadly notebook is being passed around in the main room. Aizawa reads the rules out loud as a student would recite selected passages in a class. The team members visibly relax when they hear the rule about dying after 13 days if the user of Death Note does not write another name. Raito and Misa have been cleared!

L continues to show a poker face. _This rule is too important to be at the bottom of the list. Was it a spur of the moment addition?_ He ignores the other rule about destroying Death Note brings death to anyone associated with it. It is clearly a deception. Works similarly to a 'Beware of the dog' warning sign. It is rather the preceding thought that terrifies instead of the supposed end result. What a shame not to have the shinigami present to satisfy their curiosity.

Several footsteps and a clear "sorry for the wait." announce Ratio's return.

An excited Matsuda grasps Raito by the shoulders, "Raito! You're cleared of suspicions! Both you and Misa Misa! There is a rule that says a time limit of 13 days but you were locked up for almost two months! I knew it. How could Chief's son be a murderer?"

_Stupid Matsuda. Do you want me to gloat or to look surprised?_ Raito settles on appearing mildly confused. The babbling man wasn't explaining too clearly anyway. It will indeed be suspicious if he understands it at all. L will snatch it up like a lollipop and licks it through to the core.

"Oh? 13 days of what? Let me see that." Raito smiles genially. The faint blush from the recent satiation of his physical need is slowly fading away but its tantalizing appeal cannot be ignored. Matsuda realizes his heart is suddenly pounding very fast and his cheeks feel too warm. He quickly steps away to widen their distance and points at the direction of Aizawa.

L makes it a point to retrieve the notebook from Aizawa and waits for Raito to approach him for the examination of it. He takes note of the fresh shirt Raito has changed into and the distinctive odor of disinfectant hand soap as the youth draws nearer. Several things come to mind. _Was he hiding something? Did he change the shirt to insinuate he had the previous one soiled? Did he actually do it at all?_ He will definitely study the recording tonight, frame by frame if necessary.

Raito stands close while L flips to the bottom cover to let him read the 13-day rule. The writing is cluttered and he raises it a few inches for better recognition of the text. There is that deep breathing again, though no tent at the fly is detected. The broken pattern signals to the detective that something did happen during Raito's watch retrieval trip.

"If Kira didn't read through it carefully, he would've sold out his soul without being aware of it." Raito frowns, happy that this fake rule has convinced most of them of his innocence.

"Kira obviously doesn't believe in God."

"What makes you so certain?"

"He doesn't care about Heaven or Hell. He has killed incessantly, with a slight inactivity during the ability transfer. Most importantly, he assumes he can play God by controlling deaths."

"It is fortunate that he has been caught."

"That remains to be seen. There were marked differences in the victim selections, the pivotal point being the period in which Yagami-kun and Amane-san were detained. Since these earlier deaths predate the initial entry of this notebook, I have reasons to believe there is more than one Death Note on this planet. What are your thoughts, Yagami-kun?" L sips his cooled sugar loaded tea.

"The second Kira, if indeed this individual had existed, would have needed a separate Death Note to collaborate with Kira. That would mean at least two. I haven't had the chance to study the pages yet, so I cannot form an opinion on your point." _Nice try, L. _

L detects a hint of defense in Raito's voice. He has stressed his lack of knowledge of the Death Note rules earlier and he repeats this same ignorance about the names written on the pages. _Are you hiding something, Raito?_

Random talks travel around the room until Misa greets them with a cheerful "Hello, everybody!" followed by a phrase aiming at a particular individual. "I miss you, Raito!" Her photoshoot for the day is completed.

"Oh, the chain is finally gone!" Misa rushes eagerly towards Raito, opening her arms wide in preparation for a bear hug. He warns her off with a frosty gaze. It thrills Misa to the core. She is tired of all those distant and boring treatments from him, as if she is nothing but a mere stranger. Her Raito is back! How can she help now? _Use me in any way you like, Raito. _She still allows herself to lean against him as not to appear too unnatural.

"Misa Misa! You've been cleared of suspicions! We found the rules in this Death Note and it is impossible for both of you to be alive after not using it for so long. It calls for some celebrations!" Matsuda has both his hands and face quite animated, pointing this way, gesturing that way, brows rising and falling. Misa cannot help but smile at the man's guilelessness.

"Ryuuzaki-san! All this time Misa could be having dates with Raito. You simply had to butt in. You're so mean!" She sticks out her tongue and punches a fist in the detective's direction.

"I apologize, Amane-san. As Matsuda-san has suggested, we could hold a gathering to celebrate. There is plenty of room in this building."

Misa looks apprehensive. "Uh..I don't want a party here. This place is haunted." She rubs her upper arms to emphasize her belief.

The others have grown silent. Mogi is a little puzzled that she failed to mention this before. He is her manager after all, even though it's all a ruse to the outsiders. He asks quietly, "Misa Misa, what makes you say that?"

"Last night when I was asleep, there were people talking and it woke me up. It was past midnight." The petite blonde speaks in a stage whisper. "I tried to listen and see if it was the television. Then the noises stopped. When I finally dozed off, I heard yelling and screaming. I was too frightened to go back to sleep. My makeup advisor almost fainted when he saw the shadows under my eyes this morning."

L sits like a statue, face impassive as always. Raito is also successful in appearing unfazed. From Misa's audio recount, it sounds as if they were too carried away last night.

"Didn't you hear the noises too, Raito?" Misa asks in a small girly voice, the underlying tremor is heard.

"You have a very active imagination."

"Ryuuzaki-san?"

"I am not a superstitious person. Of all the cases I have handled, none of the deceased had found it necessary to seek out my company, as expected."

Misa stamps her little foot. "I want a party, but I don't want it here." She looks around trying to appeal.

"Misa, don't be silly." Raito is faintly annoyed.

"We can all go to Chief's house! It's safe and his family knows us. Well, most of us." Matsuda suggests helpfully and glances around.

Cocking his head and gnawing at his thumb, L comtemplates the feasibility of this impulsive proposal. It does have it merits. Perhaps he can learn more about Light Yagami and confirm where they stand now in their relationship. The current Kira is out of sight and disarmed. The potential Kira will be under his watchful eyes. This is supposed to be a private event where everyone is a witness to one another. The possibility of dying during the party is remote since that only serves to draw unnecessary attention if it should happen, which is a foolish mistake Kira will never make. _What will you do now, Raito?_

Raito simply wants to kiss Matsuda. His house is free of surveillance devices. He will be in his own territory and will have freedom of movements that he is not allowed in this building. Of course, being in a native environment and letting one's guard down is the most reckless mistake someone can make. He knows he cannot afford to slip and he has to be perfect. _What will you do now, L?_

The team knows how hesitant the detective is when he has to go somewhere unfamiliar to him and they hold their breath in apprehension. It is Raito that breaks the awkward moment.

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Are you hypothesizing percentages on my mother and sister too?" Raito crosses his arms and narrows his eyes at the detective.

Several voices erupt at once. Slight laughter. Aizawa pats Matsuda on the back to congratulate him for doing something right for once. Mogi is still concerned for Misa's mental health and has more questions for her. Yagami-san talks to Raito about the upcoming arrangements. L appears to be deep in thoughts. Misa smiles brightly and clasps her hands together in genuine delight. She will have a good time and in Raito's house too! Then she frowns.

"Oh no! I won't be free until Sunday evening." Misa sighs. Mogi nods. Voices murmur. Heads bob. It is settled then.

Celebration Party -

Date: October 31, 2004 (Sunday)

Time: 19:00

Venue: Yagami residence

* * *

_Note:_ Kind of a boring chapter. Oh well. I've been writing a page or two a day during the week (guess I'll get fired from my job if I keep that up) so this update is faster than usual. Having a party at Raito's house has been on my mind since chapter 11. There's one game in mind and I plan on using it. For other fillers..I'll be sweeping around for ideas. PM me if you have any suggestions. But things will probably be glossed over (I'm not a party person).

Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! There's almost a full page for the last chapter. -happy- (n.n)

Out of this chapter, I'm sure I've seen some familiar ideas around. If you feel that I've stolen yours, let me know so proper credits can be given.

-M.H., Aug 18, 2007


	16. Chapter 16 Uncertainty

_Chapter 16_

Night falls. Raito has volunteered to continue the tying up of loose ends, as long as it takes to resolve the Kira case. Other than an almost imperceptible nod, L neither agrees nor disagrees. Yagami-san knows his son and understands the sense of responsibility that consumes him. He swells with pride for Raito and gives him an affectionate squeeze on the shoulder before he leaves for the night.

The two are left alone. They look into one another. The physical link is no longer binding them. What to do?

"Maybe we.."

"As you wish." L cuts in and walks out, not looking back, leaving a confused Raito standing in the main room.

_Is L deliberately keeping his distance? Did I give something away?_ Raito reruns the day's events in his mind, every scene and every gesture. Nothing remarkable. Quite general and benign. _L's mannerism tonight differs drastically from yesterday. He leaves it quite open ended on the choices I select and he is probably devising a little chart in his head called Kira Psychology Test to map my paths. What did I do wrong?_

In the dim light, Raito walks the lonely hallway. It must be what the long walk feels like before an execution. The walk through the stretch of corridor used to be quite relaxing for him, when he was cuffed to a certain someone. _Have things changed already?_

Their bedroom door is closed. He is an inch away from knocking on the wood and suddenly refrains from doing so. They are lovers. The very intimate kind. _What use is a knock? It will only rouse suspicions. _

L is squatting on the bed, forking a big portion of cake towards his lips. He rotates his eyeballs towards Raito to acknowledge his presence while munching on the sugary blob, one of his cheeks protruded from the volume of the bite. Raito remembers a bulging cheek when they were engaged in a more enjoyable activity. The thought makes him hard. _Is coming here the right choice? _

"Shower?"

"Be my guest. I've showered."

_So L makes it a point to keep away. And I'm stupid enough to be here. What am I looking for anyways?_ Raito doesn't know if he should be relieved or disappointed. He showers in record time, not bothering to masturbate. L remains occupied with his cake as Raito slips naked under the blanket.

"I'll make myself available elsewhere." Abruptly, the detective departs for the door.

"Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"

L gives Raito a curious look, retraces his path and pecks chastely on the youth's forehead. When he leaves for a second time, Raito catches his arm. L lets himself be pulled onto the bed, to sit in a normal way.

"Come on, L. I'm not a virgin." Raito purrs while he molds the thin blanket around his hard sex.

L nods and grins lightly when he reminisces on the event that made Raito not a virgin, from so long ago. "I know."

"Is it too much to ask for a kiss? A real kiss?" _Why am I begging for a petty kiss? I have no doubts that I could get countless females lining up for a little fuck with me._ Then the blatant truth sneaks in and spooks him. _I love L. God, how I love him._

Some of his unadulterated earnestness and passion must have shone through his eyes, for L has lowered his lips to initiate the kiss without further hesitation. There is gentle probing, familiar exploration, fierce mating. L sifts his fingers through the soft brown locks, playing with an earlobe. Raito returns the favor with a more hardcore playing at the detective's nether region. They moan. They pant. They become intoxicated with each other. They are very much in love.

L withdraws from the kiss just as he removes Raito's rather energetic hand from his crotch. The brunet is flustered, lips parted and swollen, breathless. The youth's gorgeousness tugs at his heart. _Are you Raito? Or are you Kira?_ The detective swallows hard against a lump in his throat.

"Is that it?" Raito wants more, much more.

"Try to express yourself in a less oblique manner next time, Raito-kun. We both heard what you wanted." L chastises the youth in a flat tone. "Is it so hard to be honest with yourself?"

"But I'm so hard!"

"Goodnight, Raito-kun." Determined, L switches off the lights and makes an exit, shutting the door behind him.

L is running, away from his weakness, away from his only love. He must steel himself against all that may come, be it Heaven or Hell. His heart pounds hard, from the sudden exertion, from his fathomless desire. The dark room awaits him. Could it be his salvation?

Raito composes himself in the near darkness. It was a full moon last night. Its brightness is not any less tonight. Raito follows the stream of soft light peeking from a gap in the curtains to stand by the window. The nocturnal scene soothes him. Lights in assorted shapes and colors decorate the various buildings and shops, blinking and illuminating. Vehicles are swimming by through the veins of the city, golden snakes with flakes of red slithering around the monotonous blocks. He dumps his chaotic thoughts to the swarming lights. Up above, there's the moon. Cool, pale and still. It helps to calm his frayed nerves.

_How should I proceed? I have to start somewhere. L is in my way. Is it possible to incorporate him into my agenda?_ The night is deceptively silent and infinitely elusive, concealing criminal deeds, masking the spilled blood of the innocents, encouraging the flight of all those not deserving to live. Someone has to keep this world in order.

After an unknown passage of time, the brunet glances at the bed, looking at nothing. Less than 24 hours ago, he had L writhing below him, pleading for more. He had felt such power. The immense rush had him thrilled, even now. He becomes excited again. _Get a grip! This is too insignificant in the grander scheme of things. Where is my self discipline? _He needs a cold shower.

L replays the footage for the eighth time. The whole episode lasted 8 minutes and 42 seconds, counting from entrance to exit. He believes it should be divided into three parts for a comprehensive examination. The first section has Raito finding the watch and handling it in some way. The second part starts at 09:59:31 with him leaning against the wall, an obvious change in demeanor. The final segment begins at 10:01:05 when he decided to remove his pants. _Can I decipher what went through his mind during this brief time gap?_

There were several instances of abnormal behaviors. Why was his hand pausing at his wrist when it should be at his crotch, if he had the intent to masturbate? Why bother with the watch, only to take it off minutes later, if he had the desire to finger himself? Why all those exaggerated facial expressions and body movements, if that was meant to be a solo personal enjoyment?

Throughout this hour, L has gone through different stages of arousal. The first two replays almost had him dashing back to Raito for some mad passionate lovemaking. The subsequent ones after that began to demonstrate the desired effect he had hoped for. He grew numb to the displays. He is ready for magnified viewing of specific scenes.

He freezes the image at the instant Raito began to suck his fingers. Index and middle fingers. _Interesting._ He should use his middle and ring fingers instead, as the tendons must had made it difficult to stretch for the next destination. Another frame is stilled and enlarged before those saliva covered digits reached his anus. _Hold on. What..?_

L senses a presence behind him. There were no preceding footsteps and he had been too engrossed in his analysis to take note of inconsequential sounds. This is a maximum security building after all. Unwelcome intruders are kept out.

"You are up, Raito-kun." The detective remains motionless. He doesn't make an effort to turn off the monitor since it is the only light source in the room.

"You could've asked." Ah, the bathroom incident.

"Will I hear the truth?" L slowly rotates his chair to face the youth. Raito's skin is beaded with random droplets of water. _Like a freshly washed fruit. Did he take another shower?_ His nipples have puckered from the cold. He only has shorts on and he is barefoot.

"What is the truth?"

"Truths are based on facts. I'm in the process of gathering for the truths."

"The truth is I love you, L." There is innocent wonder in Raito's eyes, as if he is discovering this fact for the first time, "So very much." The latter drops to an intimate whisper.

"What does Raito-kun want this time?" There is a sweet tugging at his heart.

"You." Raito leans close to blow tenderly into the detective's ear, "All of you."

"Here?"

"We can start on the console and return here to finish. I'm open to suggestions." The beautiful face has on the most captivating smile.

L is intrigued. The current lighting has a mysterious effect. Shadows dance, veiling impurities, creating perfections. Nothing is perfect in this world. Yet there is this perfect being, half naked, enticing him to a perfectly sinful proposal.

The youth drops his shorts to signal a gunshot start. He scrapes whipped cream from an ever present cake assembly and smothers the substance onto both nipples. After testing the sturdiness of the table surface, the brunet sits on it and parts his thighs in an unmistakable invitation. He emphasizes his eagerness by licking and sucking slowly on his creamed finger while shutting his eyes. L is lost. The hour long teasing from the tape has been enough. He does not need further encouragement. Raito is his weakness and the detective gladly accepts the fact that no one is perfect.

x x x x

Raito awakes, entangled in tousled sheets, alone. He vaguely recalls dragging himself to bed on unsteady legs last night, his whole being much sated with breathtaking hums of ecstatic echoes. He was sure he had L wrapped in his arms. A deep slumber had consumed his exhausted body. Presently, the spot next to him contains no warmth, the occupant has long departed to chase at elusive truths.

L huddles in his black swivel chair, alone. He gave in last night. Was it Raito or Kira that could tempt him so? Or was it the thought that both beings were combined in one that had him bucking like a madman, not caring if the table would collapse? They never made it to the chair. They couldn't. They were two pulsating heaps of flesh mindlessly seeking for the ultimate relief. Did they find it? In a way, yes. Was it satisfying? Not as much as the other night. It wasn't lovemaking. It simply felt like dirty sex. Fucking, as Raito would so eloquently put it.

The detective scans the table surface and the floor for any incriminating traces of last night's activities. He had taken off his sweatshirt to insulate the metal from Raito's abdomen when they changed positions. The garment was also responsible to catch the youth's body fluid, though it was uncertain whether excess liquid had dripped accidentally onto the floor.

There is a coagulated spot directly below the table ledge. L lowers one leg and uses his toenail to scrape at the circular mark. _The sex last night served to inform me I need not study the tape further. If anything was in his mouth, our kissing would reveal the object. If he had concealed something at his other end, the penetration would have been certain to expose it. Raito, I am not that easily deterred. There must be something within you, possibly a piece of Death Note paper, keeping intimate contact, to awaken the Kira in you. 'How' is the question. The only suspicious item then is the wristwatch. I will learn its secrets. And yours too._

Raito once again walks the lonely hallway. The feeling of déjà vu fills him but he reassures himself that it was night time, it was different. He has taken his dose of the Death Note paper this morning, after finding out it has proved to be resilient against the harsh environment of his digestive system. He did swallow the paper yesterday morning, after making sure the other piece was secure inside him. However, this one was soon disposed of into the toilet bowl, sometime later, when he needed to use the bathroom.

As a foolproof measure, he had a thread looped at the secret compartment dial of his watch, just in case the paper should lose its special power in his stomach. He knew he couldn't stand not to untie the strand, thus initiating the whole recognition process all over again. He hates uncertainty but that was better than no plan at all. The average kind of solid food takes roughly a day to travel through the digestive track. A daily dose in the morning is quite safe and reasonable. _Until I can ensure Higuchi dies after 13 days of inactivity, not one day more, not one day less._

Raito smiles at his ideal plan. His steps grow less heavy as he approaches the main room. _L has made it public knowledge that I know the combinations to the briefcase. I'm sure it was intentional. If the notebook should go missing or if anyone around here starts dying, it will lead to me automatically. I am also confident that in order to realize this possibility, he cannot change the combinations, which must be something that really ticks him. That is just fine. I may need to change the fate of Higuchi after all._ He ducks his head to hide his wicked smirk from the cameras.

The youth enters the room to see one of L's legs extended towards the floor.

"Good morning, L."

"Good morning, Yagami-kun."

It grinds on Raito's nerves that L keeps his distance like that. He wants to hear the endearing 'Raito' from those tender lips. The moaning and whispering of it, the pleading sound of it. _Shit, I'm getting hard again. _L notices.

"Quite an enchanting environment here we have." L drops his low voice to a whisper. "I could no longer bring myself to address Yagami-kun as Raito in this room, lest the erotic recollections should overwhelm my thoughts and lower my reasoning skills."

It is also a roundabout way to tell Raito the effect of their intercourse last night also has a profound effect on him. Raito is amazed at how L has read him like an open book. _Are you aware of my new identity as well? Is that why you have a shield around yourself? How can you not see that I'm not doing this to serve myself? I have the same mission as you do. After all our times spent together, I thought you would understand._

Raito approaches the detective and stands on his side for an affectionate embrace, pressing his erection into the man's upper arm. He bends to kiss L on the lips while lazing a hand downwards to fondle. The arousal within his caressing fingers grows more prominent. Though their kiss has deepened, the usual passion is lacking. Rather, the participation from L is lukewarm at most.

"What's the matter, L?" Raito quirks an eyebrow.

"I was hoping you could tell me."

Raito shivers internally. L doesn't waste energy talking nonsense. He thinks about his sentences before he airs them. There is meaning in everything he says. What does it mean this time?

In a flash, both of them resume their normal stance when the small screen shows movements at the hallway outside. There is the black notebook on the table and they start to study it. Seconds later, a cheerful Matsuda greets them. Yagami-san and Aizawa have also arrived.

"Thank you very much, Yagami-san." L responds in politeness as the older man hands him a stack of papers. "I would never doubt your integrity. Nevertheless, due to your relations to Yagami-kun, I am certain you would understand a conflict of interest is present should I merely take your word on the subject."

Yagami-san gives a dignified nod. Having been in the police force for years, he understands that very well. Should a family member or a close relative be involved in certain activities that could possibly lead to biased results, this person is often asked to abstain from participation. A standalone piece of evidence ought to be provided under such circumstances to avoid undue challenges to its validity.

Raito recognizes these papers to be his school works! L sorts them out one by one, using his thumb and index finger of both hands, to lay them on the console surface. Quizzes, compositions and examination papers. All contain the student's neat handwriting. The pages on Death Note are flipped through and compared meticulously. Raito had anticipated this but had not thought the detective would be that apparent to have the handwriting evaluation carried out in his presence. Of course it will turn up nothing. The previous pages were destroyed before Higuchi had been selected as the temporary Kira replacement.

"Congratulations, Yagami-kun. The handwritings do not match. This is not your Death Note." The statement is uttered matter-of-factly.

Matsuda laughs nervously. "I thought Raito's innocence was proven already?"

L says nothing. Raito suspects there is a deeper meaning in his words. _What is L playing at?_ The detective continues to study the contents of his composition papers.

"Fascinating. Your view on justice is almost on a fanatical level. I am relieved we have you on our side, Yagami-kun."

"Thanks for the constructive criticism, Ryuuzaki." Raito begins to comprehend the direction this is going. "You will be going to my place tomorrow. Why did you not wait until then?"

L sips at his super sugary caffeinated coffee. His mood is too down and he needs a buzz. "No. I refuse to let Kira control my agenda. We have him precisely where we want him. He is without his weapon. What can he do? Besides, Sunday has been declared a rest day by a biblical figure."

"Since when did you become religious all of a sudden?" Raito retorts.

The others in the room smile. It is rare for Ryuuzaki to fancy a day without work. Their flow is smooth indeed. It is only a matter of time before Kira comes before a judge and be penalized for all his crimes. The deceased deserve their final peace.

Beneath this innocent and pleasant exchange, Raito has received L's answer to his previous question, the one he asked before the others have joined. The detective has taunted him with ambiguous remarks, loaded with contrasting meanings. _He has not acknowledged my innocence thus far. Was that meant to be a warning to me? His latest comments.. Does it mean he is fully aware of who I am?_

To the others, L has made an effort to prove his innocence, with the commotion of comparing handwritings. If indeed L knew who he is, then every single movement he makes will be under microscopic observation. He is uncertain if his identity has been exposed. _How did he know? What gave me away?_

The detective has laid out enough bait to fill a swimming pool. He is not entirely certain of Raito's guiltiness, though the percentage has definitely increased, even more so than the time the youth had volunteered to be detained. If Raito is innocent, the remarks should mean nothing to him. Otherwise, he has been warned. L wants his Raito back.

_I will find a way. I must find a way._ L is looking forward to the party tomorrow, not only to celebrate.

* * *

_Note:_ Sorry, no party today, it's tomorrow (-points to the last sentence above-). I tend to be long-winded lately and couldn't really find a way to avoid it or to spice things up in a more interesting way. If you're reading this far, I'm sure I have done something right then. Cheers!

-M.H., Aug 25, 2007


	17. Chapter 17 Distractions

_Note:_ Unusually long but I'm posting it now before I change my mind. May cause drowsiness. Misa haters, beware. That's about it..well, knowing me, just be prepared.

* * *

_Chapter 17 _

Life could be monotonous. L made to leave just as Raito returned to bed after showering, similar patterns from the night before. He didn't plan to present the same set of questions though. Instead, the brunet caught the departing figure and embraced him to bring both of them falling onto the mattress. The detective was pinned under the naked youth, without a flicker of shock or annoyance or even a touch of excitement. Hell, no emotions at all. Raito wasn't convinced. There must be a raging turbulence under that empty façade.

Raito started to plant urgent kisses on the older male. He slid in both hands under the white sweatshirt to stimulate those sensitive nubs. After a minute of teasing, they remained soft. One of his palms traveled lower to massage at the junction of the other's legs. Not much response. He blamed it on the pair of jeans.

L felt his jeans and boxers getting shoved off brutally from his hips. A hand returned to grip at his flaccid manhood. The flesh was kneaded at gently, but that was not sufficient to bring it to full attention. At last, a warm mouth covered him whole. Raito knew the precise spots and exact pressure that could get the detective begging for more. There was no sound. Complete silence except for wet noises produced from the erotic suction down below.

L bit hard on his thumb and tasted blood. His body was betraying him by ascending towards an orgasm. His heart ached, his chest on fire. He tried not to scream with pleasure, not to moan Raito's name. He knew the youth wanted to hear his passionate cries and feel his helpless squirms but he refused to give him that satisfaction. Soon, he started to struggle, to get away from that desirable being, before the inevitable happened. The centre of his chest hurt. Something both acidic and bitter had saturated the area. The suffocating sensation slithered downwards to poison his stomach, weakening his erection.

Raito finally gave up. He thought the other was about to come, the way he twitched and tensed. Then the hard flesh between his lips had started to shrink. _What the fuck? _L's resistance was bewildering and he puzzled over the odd phenomenon. He let the struggling man get away, resisted the nasty urge to sink his teeth into living tissue.

The detective had curled up in a fetal position, sucking at his thumb. The posture looked ridiculous with his jeans and boxers at mid thigh, his bare posteriors facing Raito. Minutes passed. Neither spoke. The awkward atmosphere had Raito flushing in shame.

"Look, I'm sorry. I thought you were enjoying it." Raito didn't know why he had to apologize. It was his first time dealing with a traumatized L. Perhaps he felt guilty.

"Under a different circumstance, it would have been immensely pleasurable." L released his abused thumb to reply in his robotic voice.

"You could've told me!"

"You didn't feel inclined to ask. Besides, my lack of response should be obvious. I would have thought Raito-kun had a more astute perception."

"Well, I'm not your goddamn radar!"

"True. You are nobody's anything." Ouch, that hurt. Raito had assumed he had a special place in the detective's heart.

"I thought we have something beautiful?"

"I had thought so as well." The tone had lost its frigid edge.

Raito was timid as he lay down to face L. Those dark rimmed eyes contained deep abysses that no light could shine through. The brunet was unnerved by the coldness.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Why are you doing this to me?" L echoed emptily.

"I want my L back!" Raito grasped desperately at the detective's arms to shake them loose. Those arms had circled around his bent legs in a death grip.

"I want my Raito back." There, a flicker of something had crossed those dark orbs, a hint of sadness, a trace of hurt. In a second, the windows to the soul were obscured once more by this terrible void.

"Raito still has my affections, for as along as he wishes to have them." Within those black orbs, an intense fire had ignited and was smothered at the same instant. He spoke of Raito as if he was a third person that belonged elsewhere.

The human ball had gradually uncurled. Adjusting his clothing in supreme calmness, L stood up with a dignified air.

"Goodnight, Raito-kun." The tone was overtly polite, the kind the detective used to greet a stranger. Raito could only stare mutely, feeling an acrid hotness spreading through his eyes.

x x x x

True to his words, L ceased being industrious on Sunday. At least, that was the way Raito found him in the morning, browsing at entertainment pages in the main room, sipping at aromatic sugary coffee, licking at his fingers after devouring a jam-filled donut.

"Did you not get any sleep last night?"

"Waste of time that could be utilized in a more efficient manner."

"Ogling at moronic models with anorexia? Is that how you get off?"

"Those fair ladies are professionals. You would have no idea the sort of determination they possess, or the dedication they demonstrate, to achieve their dreams." L conveniently ignored the rest of his snide remark.

"You're right. I won't pretend to have any idea why they starve themselves to death and still think they'll look attractive. Personally, I prefer some curves." As soon as his words were out, Raito realized his mistake. He wasn't discriminating against L. He liked bony too, if it was him.

"I see, such as Misa-san." Either L wasn't paying attention or he was beyond care.

Raito scowled and sat at a swivel chair next to L. He rolled the chair around with little interest and had every intent not to pursue the subject further.

"Misa-san is a sweet girl. I like her." The detective cocked his head at the screen, scanning appreciatively at pictures and articles of the blonde model's newest outdoor photoshoot.

_What the hell? Does he prefer the female gender now? Did he lose interest because of Misa? Perhaps he said that just to spite me. There I was rather positive he was suspecting me as Kira! Hmm. Misa? Bad taste. _Raito felt incredulous for being jealous. It wasn't like L had been cheating on him.

The youth wanted a kiss, some physical contact, to reassure their relationship hadn't changed, though the episode from last night had blasted at him and cautioned him to refrain from any drastic measures. He took note of L's thumb. A tiny fleck of skin was missing near the curve of the fingernail, showing the new tender pink underneath. He reached out to take the hand that hosted this abused digit.

L was in a relaxed stance, one hand on knee, the other busy with various utensils to serve himself his sugar fix. He froze as soon as Raito took his free hand. The brunet was tracing fingers at his injured thumb, careful to avoid the wound. Those dark brown eyes held such tenderness that it was heartbreaking.

"Do not touch me."

Raito was startled and confused. He gaped at the detective in disbelief.

"Raito-kun, stop touching me. Please." This time, L stared at him with those dead eyes of his.

The detective had uttered these words in a deceptively gentle manner, as if he were addressing a three-year-old, yet the unyielding resolution and the hidden strength were deadly as a striking cobra. Raito was too shocked to retort and he dropped the coveted goods like a robber caught red-handed.

L returned his vacant stare to the screen and resumed his web browsing, completely ignoring the fact that he was not alone in the room. He was the world-renowned detective with his usual impeccable composure, but deep inside he was weeping desolately in a corner that saw no light.

x x x x

It is a quarter past six. The streets of the city are bustled with people from all walks of life. Watari is driving. L and Raito are seated comfortably at the back of the car. Each keeps to himself.

_You know what, L? Keep your distance. It's better that way. At least when you die, I will still have a shred of true feeling to mourn for you but not too much to let it incapacitate me. I cannot allow that. Thanks for bringing me to my senses. I need a clear head to bring justice to all corners of the globe, to take my place as God in the new world. _Why does his heart twist so painfully at these supposedly elating thoughts?

L gazes at nothing in particular, bringing his injured thumb to his lips occasionally. Raito looks away. He cannot bear to watch.

_I admit to being selfish, though whatever I'm aiming at only has the best interest at heart for Raito. Kira has been hiding too well, underneath the shield of my beloved Raito. I need to catch him at his most desperate, to make him feel compelled to reveal himself. My life has been on the line ever since the television broadcast. I consider it a fortune to be alive still and a miracle at gaining the love of my life as well. I will find you, Kira. I pledge my life on it._ His dark rimmed eyes are unfocused as he gets lost in thoughts.

Ten minutes have passed. The car stops. Both males open their respective door and emerge in opposite directions. Watari follows them with a small carton box in his hand.

A quaint mini front garden. A two storey building with slanted roofs. The name tag next to the front door has the family surname to announce the residence belongs to the Yagami's. It's a classical Japanese household layout.

"I'm home." Raito calls out automatically after twisting the key to unlock the door.

"Welcome back." Two sets of feminine voices respond in unison, one teenaged and the other middle aged. Watari places the container on top of a low cabinet and makes an exit. Parties are for young people.

Rapid footsteps are pounding on the wooden floor. An adolescent girl in a ponytail appears.

"Brother! Thank God you're home. It's been a nightmare trying to wade through those impossible questions and calculations!" The girl flashes them a self-conscious smile when she sees the stranger at the doorway, remembering they have a new guest this evening.

"Is that all I'm good for?" The 18-year-old rolls his eyes. _You're good in bed too,_ L supplies silently.

"This is Ryuuzaki, my classmate at Todai." Raito starts the introductions. "This is my sister, Sayu."

"How do you do, Sayu-chan?" L smiles politely at Sayu, takes her hand gently and touches his lips briefly on the back of it. Sayu blushes prettily and speaks in a tiny abashed tone. "Nice to meet you, Ryuuzaki-san." She flees into the kitchen.

_No touching, huh?_ Raito glowers ominously at L and hisses. "Don't you dare try anything with Sayu!"

"My common sense would not allow me to 'try anything' without a thorough consultation with my stringent set of moral values."

"That includes fucking your suspect. Very reassuring."

"Is Raito-kun admitting his guilt at last?"

"Raito, you're home." Yagami-san greets his son warmly as he descends the stairs.

"Good evening, Father." Raito flips L the finger with seething insolence behind his back while he walks towards the living room, holding the digit erect for a full 5 seconds to make sure the detective has a good view of it.

"Ryuuzaki, welcome to my humble home."

"Thank you for hosting the gathering, Yagami-san." L slips off his shoes before stepping onto the entrance hall. He visually measures the distance from the tip of Raito's middle finger to the base of his palm and mentally compares his length and size to confirm whether the hand size _vs_ penis size myth has any merits. Inconclusive.

L obtains a bulging bag full of candies from the small box Watari had brought in for him. At least he won't die of starvation with his sack of goodies as his savior.

At approximately seven, Matsuda arrives, jovial as usual. Misa and Mogi also make it on time. Yagami-san glances at his watch and announces Aizawa will be absent this evening. The father of two had phoned earlier to report his baby boy was running a high fever. He had promised his anxious wife to accompany them to the hospital for proper treatment. The family man said in uncertain terms that he'd either show up sharp or not at all and he had apologized profusely. Decisions, decisions.

Dinner is set for six at a rectangular wooden table that usually sits four. Matsuda is about to point out there are eight of them. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

"Ahem, Dad?" Sayu prompts mischievously.

"I have another announcement. My wife and I will be out this evening to leave you young people alone. I'm too old for parties." Yagami-san appears uncomfortable and a little embarrassed.

"Dad! Don't make up excuses! You know how happy it makes Mom feel. Go and have a great evening."

"Perhaps we should stay, dear. It is impolite to leave our guests.." The mother frets.

"Don't worry about it, Mom. We can take care of ourselves. Go and have fun!"

The lady of the house smiles radiantly, albeit with a taint of an apology. "I hope dinner won't be too disappointing. Enjoy yourselves, everyone." She bows deeply before leaving with her husband. Habitual exchanges of biding goodbye ring through the cozy home before the group of six settles down for dinner.

Raito picks a lone chair to sit in. Misa immediately sits adjacent to him, with Mogi next to her. Sayu is naturally on her brother's other side. Matsuda doesn't get many opportunities to be near girls so he makes the most out of it. L is in the polar opposite of Raito.

"Sayu, could you exchange your set with Ryuuzaki's over there?"

There are five dinner sets of Japanese style hamburger with rice and miso soup. One set of pancakes and cream of corn soup. Sayu winces slightly at the recall of how this special set was prepared. Only one simple instruction. Sugar. Tons of it.

L peers at the pancakes and cream soup with exaggerated suspicion. With the exception of Raito, everyone stares at the man with open curiosity.

"Ryuuzaki, it's tailor-made for you. Mother was outraged at first but then I told her it's your birthday. I lied for your benefit. Now go stuff your face in it."

The detective dips a finger cautiously into the soup for a taste. He pinches off a tiny piece of pancake to roll it on his tongue. His eyes grow round with childish appreciation as he discovers each one is surprisingly sweet, as hinted at by Raito. Even his small smile creeps into his eyes to cause the matte obsidian to twinkle in elation. His animated gaze connects with the youth sitting across from him. With a bittersweet swallow of a bite of hamburger patty, Raito realizes he misses this side of L, so very much.

_What was the purpose behind the show of sensitivity, Raito? Or Kira?_ Only a handful of people know about his birthday. Raito has stumbled upon this fact by accident. L will imagine they are indeed celebrating his special day. Why waste time feeding on negative emotions? After pouring half a bottle of syrup on the pancakes, he takes another bite with a little helping of his love for Raito to let it melt deliciously against his heart.

People pretend not to notice when Matsuda takes frequent peeks at the teenage girl in what he considers a covert manner. Dinner carries on without incident with Sayu chattering away, firing questions at Misa for the latest entertainment gossips and scandals.

All six of them relocate to the living room afterwards. Everyone had expected the evening to be a little wilder than lounging around a television. After an hour of watching tasteless sitcom, most of them have their eyelids drooping. Only one pair of dark rimmed eyes is alert to study the talent of each actor in the programme.

Sayu thought her tactic in getting rid of her parents would loosen people's restrains. It isn't exactly comfortable to ever breathe freely if her father were present. Even so, the atmosphere could use some livening up. Her brother beats her to it.

"Misa, come with me. I'll be fixing a drink for us all and I want you to sample it."

Misa is absolutely delirious with Raito's direct attention. He _needs_ her! Two other people smile knowingly. L hops off the sofa and follows the couple to the kitchen.

"Ryuuzaki just can't leave those two alone. How insensitive." Matsuda comments in a tragic tone. Mogi inclines his head in agreement as well. Sayu assumes that is an insider thing and she decides to probe Raito for all the juicy details once the guests have departed.

It is an open kitchen. About 80 percent is in plain view from the living room. L cannot take the 20 percent chance. He casually glances around, taking in the foreign environment and sniffing at the lingering aroma of cooked food with unfeigned fascination.

Raito opens the refrigerator door in amusement. He has expected L to tail them. _Not so convenient without the surveillance devices huh? _Misa stands as close to him as possible and he allows her this tiny form of enjoyment, just to annoy the detective. _She likes me, not you. _

After he has obtained a bottle from the bottom of a corner cabinet, the ingredients are ready. Ice cubes, orange juice and vodka. There are no other fancy liqueurs available, so this should do nicely.

"Any Baileys, Raito-kun?"

The memory associated with this drink arouses Raito by surprise. He cannot hide his erection fast enough. Misa has made a return sway of her hips and her soft curve meets his hardness. The blonde giggles with glee.

"Misa, here. Taste this." Raito firmly glues his pelvis against the kitchen cabinets, pressing against the solid wooden surface to inflict pain, expecting the inappropriate response to disappear soon. He hands her a glass of opaque orange liquid with ice.

_I will taste anything you give me, my love._ Misa flushes hotly, before she even touches the drink. "Ugh..it burns. Perhaps more juice?" To that, Raito pours in more into the pitcher.

"Sayu? Can you give us a hand?" His sister drifts in and smiles at Misa's blush. Something good must have happened. Raito instructs her to take some canned soft drinks, the pitcher and six plastic tumblers to the living room. He returns once more to the lower kitchen cabinet to take out a darker bottle.

Raito picks up large packs of chips on his way out, leaving L to stir in teaspoonfuls of sugar into the warm Baileys. _We both know what happens when you're drunk, L. What is it this time? _

Sayu is already engaged in a card game with Mogi and Matsuda. A box of Monopoly board game is on the floor. Oh, why not. They have nothing more interesting to do. Misa is the first to become bankrupt. L and Raito keep landing onto each other's hotels. L has the upper hand at owning all four railroads. The cash goes back and forth. The repetitive transactions are soon killing the fun.

A round of drinks and two bags of chips later, people go into giggle fits for no apparent reason. Everything on television sounds hilarious, including the commercials. That is the time L announces they should all play Hide and Seek. The others burst out laughing at the pure absurdity of the suggestion.

_Are you actually trying to enjoy yourself, L? You don't seem like a party person, merely a goddamn caveman that has a larger brain. What are you scheming at? There's nothing here that could incriminate me. I made certain of it before my voluntary confinement. You don't have a thing on me._ Raito pauses in his train of thoughts. No, L does have something on him. He has stolen his heart.

"The objective of the game is to conceal an item on our body to let another player uncover its hidden location." L takes a mini diecast token from Monopoly for presentation. "Three chances each. The player is to verbalize the supposed location without receiving a spoken confirmation."

"For instance, I have it hidden under my foot. Matsuda makes two wrong assumptions and I rotate my head sideways to indicate he is incorrect on both accounts. Should he be accurate at his third attempt, I can choose either to nod and reveal the item or to remain silent and let him search my foot. Otherwise, he loses and has a penalty awaiting him."

L is standing like he is onboard of a ship, trying to balance himself. "One final condition. Removal of clothing is strictly prohibited." More laughter from the group. Okay, it is not as childish as they had once thought. They agree the punishment should be to eat a handful of wasabi flavored peas, which Sayu has brought in by the jar. The final winner will have Misa's autograph. Rock, Paper, Scissors is used to sift through the ordering, a deceivingly random sorting that has a tellable pattern if only one pays attention.

Matsuda tries to be creative but the tiny metal becomes loose and falls from the brand tag behind his tie. Mogi has the advantage when he hides the piece under his collar and towers much taller than Sayu. Raito deduces from Misa's increasing blush that she has hidden the metal between her breasts but he merely glowers at her to force her to nod and pick it out by herself. L has a fine secret place in his wild nest of raven hair. Raito has it between the gaps at the vertical row of buttons of his shirt and Misa is sorely disappointed that he gives a curt nod without allowing her a search. Sayu's trick with her cotton hair band has drawn a few frustrated groans. Many turns later, more giggles erupt, more wasabi peas disappear.

At last, it is Raito versus L. The youth circles around the detective to focus on hints of reflections from the metal under the lights. He has observed rounds after rounds of the man's posture under different possibilities. Two guesses. Both incorrect. Subconsciously though, he knows where it is.

"Right front pocket." That was where L had the tiny key, the night he had the Baileys and became wild.

_Raito, you're too flawless. Are you as engaged in the game as you appear to be? No suspicious activities thus far. The drink preparation was a spurious act, wasn't it? My presence was anticipated and I had expected it to be so. You're far too intelligent not to come up with alternatives. I will be watching. Beware. _

The detective is silent. Raito takes it as a cue to search for it on his own. It is a deep pocket. The man's slouch is not helping.

"You are making this difficult. I cannot reach for it without molesting you. Is that what you want?" By this time, the others have turned their attention elsewhere. More drinks, more chips, more chatters, more laughter.

"Is that what you want?" L has a vexing habit of repeating his words lately.

"Fine." Raito gathers at the fabric near the man's crotch to push the tiny metal upwards, also effective in stimulating the organ nearby. He hears the other's sharp inhale of air.

_With all witnesses present, I'd like to see what Kira would do in order to eliminate me. _At this point, he doesn't care if he lives or dies. _Does the Raito I know still exist? _L misses him a lot.

Sayu pauses in her conversation with Misa to stare incredulously at her brother. The two participants are in a very compromising position from her direction, if her eyes are not receiving wrong signals. Raito must be losing his mind from all those alcohol to be grabbing another man's crotch. With both hands, she turns Misa's head to the remarkable scene.

Misa is dumbfounded. _What are they doing?_ She stands on unsteady feet to approach them. The men topple into one another and quickly spread apart, with Raito holding up a metal piece in triumph. She breathes a sigh of relief. He was only searching for the token. Then she steps on a loose bundle of Monopoly money and slips.

Misa's fall is cushioned by the tangle of legs. From her angle, she cannot help but take note of both men's ardent responses hidden in their pants. Her brain is unable to comprehend the extraordinary scenario and she decides to do some field works. Each tiny hand finds its way to its individual destination, gives a light squeeze and earns two different masculine voices moaning "ah". She is fascinated with her new toys.

Sayu is both stunned and amused at her new friend's scandalous action. She stumbles towards the girl to interfere. Her brother has filled out impressively from the time she has last seen him, the day that he has forgotten to lock the bathroom door. She averts her gaze in embarrassment and pulls at the muddled blonde to return to their seat.

Mogi and Matsuda have slumped on the sofa, the alcohol equally affecting them, no matter how solemn and silly they normally are. They are reduced to one nodding robot and one babbling machine.

The pair sprawled on the floor is resisting the intense urge to unclothe one another. Misa's naughty touch only served to fuel their insatiable desire for each other. Presumably everyone is aware of the protrusions straining against their pants. They can blame it on the alcohol later.

"More games?" L croaks, getting to his feet. Matsuda knocks over an almost empty tumbler, spilling the water from melted ice. Sayu pinches tissues from a square paper box to blot the spreading liquid. The box becomes empty.

"More." The group is able to respond. They are coherent after all.

L intercepts Sayu's route and whispers something to her when she leaves the group for an unknown purpose. Nothing much can shock her after witnessing Misa's outlandish behavior. She gives a casual shrug and mounts the stairs. He starts to remove the bottom of the tissue box.

The teenage girl returns with a new box of tissues and a package. Shooting the detective a queer look, she gives him the package. It contains three pairs of sheer ankle-highs in black color. He hands out one small silky tube to each person. Everyone else is baffled.

_L is deliberately targeting me. He knows damn well what that does to me. What sick game is he playing at now?_ Further tightening at his groin persuades Raito to remain wisely seated.

"Place an object inside the sheath and cover it with the box. A participant is to identify the item from tactile contact only. Reach your hand through the top of the box to touch the object. Please refrain from using sharp or corrosive materials. You may want to be sensible by selecting an item within the dimensions of the box. Do we have an eye mask available?" Sayu rolls her eyes and retrieves a black cotton eye mask from the bathroom. She loathes the ingrained culture of having females to do all the house chores. "Thank you, Sayu-chan. The blindfold should be kept on for the entire duration of the player's round."

The choice of props ensures a size limit is in place. It makes sense and the instructions are clear enough. Time to get creative again.

Potato chip. Cup. Soda can. Playing card. Ice.

Earring. Tissue paper. Ring. Hair band. Necklace.

Fingers. Sock. Pen. Wristwatch. Tie.

Sales slip. Credit card. Cell phone. Paperclip. Business card.

Lipstick. Mirror. Perfume bottle. Eyeliner. Keychain.

Candy. Hair..

"Your tongue! That's disgusting, Ryuuzaki!" Many perceive it as an ingenious move and howl their approval. Raito wipes his wet fingers on his shirt in feigned irritation. The silky moist tongue has stoked his inner fire, pushing him to the outer bounds of sanity.

Sayu is next. She dips her fingers inside the box, a frown creases her brows. Her digits are feeling a circular foil and a tiny stick inside the velvety tube. She ventures a guess, "A lollipop?"

"Incorrect. They have yet to invent an edible version." L replies in his low voice.

She tries again by pressing harder at the foil. Hmm...definitely not a lollipop. Something thin and slippery. The object is foreign to her. She gives up.

L reveals the 'lollipop'. He tears off the golden foil and slips a black disk between his lips while cupping his hands around his cheeks. He blows a balloon with the said item. Its color is off black from the stretching. He ties off the end of the inflated object and hands it to Sayu. She simply blinks in confusion.

"It's a condom, a barrier method of contraception designed for the male organ. It'd be my pleasure to set up a usage demonstration for you, Sayu-chan."

"You sick bastard! Leave my sister alone!" Raito charges at L, scowling and preparing to punch him senseless. Sayu cannot contain her amusement. Her giggles flood the room. She clutches breathlessly at her stomach and pants, face flushed from the laughing fits, eyes tearing with merriment. The others find the scene outrageous but oddly hilarious.

"Oh Brother! You have a cool friend. Weird but very cool."

"Thank you, Sayu-chan." The detective takes a deep bow and straightens up in time not to kiss the ground. "I should not have intruded into family matters. Perhaps Raito-kun is taking it upon himself to see to the proper education of his lovely sister."

"That's it, Ryuuzaki. No more Baileys for you."

"Then I'll have the orange juice." L downs half a cup and grimaces at the absence of concentrated sugar. Raito smirks.

Misa has the final round. She is correct in her first guess. A 5-yen coin. L presents it to her as a gift.

"For our friendship, Misa-san." A soft smile plays on his lips. The blonde model is moved by the unexpected gesture and the underlying meaning. Her eyes mist over. The others are surprised that L understands the Japanese culture this well. The detective is forever an enigma.

Raito stands up and walks away briskly. L follows suit.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Do you wish to join me?" Raito arches an eyebrow.

The detective leads the way to the kitchen, to the 20 percent part that offers privacy. He steals a kiss from the stunned youth while his other hand is occupied down south.

"Keep doing that and I will pee in my pants. If you'll excuse me.." Raito pushes gently at the other man with much regret. Perhaps he should give him Baileys more often.

"There's the kitchen sink."

"The typical household has a unit called the 'bathroom'. The kitchen is used for food preparation."

"Raito-kun should think outside the box." L unfastens the tops of his jeans and begins to urinate into the sink. What is this? A peeing challenge?

_Something to catch me off guard? I don't see what you hope to accomplish. Mother will have a fit if she finds out. _

A few seconds later, a second stream joins the first.

The detective levers up the tap to rinse himself clean. Raito has picked up this peculiar cleaning habit over the days chained to the strange man. Both take a paper towel to blot off excess water. L takes this opportunity to sheath the black silky tube onto the youth's semi erect manhood.

"Hey..ahhh..." The silk becomes snug around his fast growing arousal. L adjusts it further to cover his entire length. "Why are you doing this?"

_Where is the loophole, Raito? How did you regain your previous memory? I can feel both Raito and Kira in you. It is beyond mere gut instinct. I have studied and dissected you when you were most unawares. In doing so, I have fallen in love with my enemy. There has never been a God to turn to. I'm on my own. Come back to me, Raito. _

"Whatever makes you hard makes me hard, Raito." L whispers in barely repressed passion. Raito can see (and feel) that he is speaking the truth. To be fair, he makes certain the identical condition is applied to L. With their dark clothed lengths pressed together, they share a deep kiss. When they take a break, Sayu walks in.

_Why the passionate act, L? You've been so damn frigid since last night. Does this change in demeanor signify something? Is it truly the alcohol affecting your actions now? Do you have any idea how painful it will be without you on my side? It can be our new world, L. It will be a beautiful place. _

"Is something the matter?" Sayu opens the freezer door. "There's no ice cream." She calls out. All this while, the blushing men are busy restoring their equipments to their proper storage place. All she can see is the detective's back.

"Sayu-chan, would you be so kind as to prepare some snacks for us?" Sayu appreciates his politeness. How could she refuse?

Upon their return, L asks Mogi to assist Sayu in the kitchen and that they are not to return unless he requests for their presence. He also announces Raito has a surprise for Misa. Matsuda can stay to help.

The paper box from their last game is needed. Misa is asked to blindfold herself with the eye mask. She can hardly sit still from the anticipation. Raito is clueless on what surprise he is supposed to give her.

"Raito-kun is shy. We should give him a helping hand."

Matsuda's jaw drops to the floor as L's atrocious actions unfold. Raito is quite shocked initially but comes to his senses to start resisting.

"Secure his arms, Matsuda." The detective seats himself on Raito's thighs. His hand circles the object to hold it in place inside the box for Misa to touch.

Matsuda is horridly fascinated. He observes Raito's beautiful flush spreading when Misa starts to make contact. Both his legs are used to clamp on Raito's shoulders and arms, putting the brunet's head directly on his lap. He feels an excitement building in his stomach. Is he perverted or what?

Misa frowns, her brows creasing visibly at the edge of the eye mask. It is unlike anything she has ever touched. The ankle-high sheathing the object adds to the level of difficulty.

"Do you have a pet, Raito?"

"No. Stop it, Misa." His voice is deceptively calm.

"I lost last time. I want to make a correct guess this time." Her fingertips seek for the general contours. It is hairless. It is warm so it should be alive. She is gentle not to harm the creature. When she reaches deeper, a hand is already there obstructing her path.

"Raito? Let the poor animal go. It was quivering and I think it was spitting too."

Raito purses his lips trying not to make a sound. His is also suppressing the urge to come violently in her hand. Damn L for setting him up in such a vulnerable situation. He can feel Matsuda's erection at the back of his skull, L's hand gripping at the base of his rigid manhood, palm covering his balls, and Misa's fingers touching and sliding at the velvety fabric imprisoning his hardness. He has to get out of this horizontal position, as soon as possible.

The brunet rotates his head purposefully and gasps softly, audible to Matsuda only. His captor's eyes are round and he blushes profusely. Raito increases his tempo and feels the other man jerking, loosening his hold in an instant. The escaping man collapses onto the floor, twitching in pleasure.

Raito sits up to remove both foreign hands from his privates. He promptly takes out the black sheath and tosses it in L's face. What he didn't notice was Misa had the eye mask raised already.

"Oh. My. God." The girl faints.

Things become a blur. Sayu's mini sandwiches are left untouched. Mogi is instructed to escort Misa safely to her own apartment. Matsuda excuses himself to leave early as well. L has spilled half a cup of Baileys on his clothing. Under the influence of alcohol, some people tend to misbehave. Rather, it is an excuse many would use to legitimize the irrational actions derived from their dark desires. None of them will remember this evening tomorrow. No, they will just be selective with their memory loss.

Raito examines the sleeping detective's attire. The spilled drink will leave stains, though that is the last of his worries. From all appearances, the love of his life will be spending the night in his house. Raito's heart flutters wildly. There is no place like home.

* * *

_More Notes:_ I tried cutting it down, believe me. I suppose I could take out another thousand words or so, but I'm greedy. It's a chaotically empty chapter, so I'll understand if some of you should lose interest due to the pointlessness of it. Even so, thanks for reading!

-special thanks to JadeAnime, without you, I wouldn't know where to get back my train of thoughts.

-M.H., Sept 3, 2007


	18. Chapter 18 Motions

_Note:_ It's a little choppy. Hopefully not too annoying. Again, there's Misa. She'll be integrated into the coming chapters as well, so I'll stop putting a note about her. On with the story...

* * *

_Chapter 18 _

It is a quiet night. Raito ensures that it stays that way. His family is not as gullible as Misa to accept ludicrous distractions should they both cause a ruckus to wake up the house. With a sigh of resignation, he prepares L for bed. It is not an easy feat to take care of a half conscious and fully grown man from washing up to tucking in. He had originally thought to leave the detective on the couch for the night yet he fears the man's unpredictability, in every aspect. Hearing the females shrieking in the morning from whatever appalling state the man should be at is a remote possibility that he cannot ignore. Therefore, it is perfectly reasonable to keep him under watch in his bedroom.

The bed is comfortable for a single person and also comfortable for two snuggling persons. Raito soon gives up trying face to face with L, as the other's foot keeps on digging him in the crotch. When the brunet lies on his back, L has one curling leg near his lap, a bent arm along side his upper torso, occasionally sucking on a thumb. Raito becomes a temporary human cushion. The sleeping man's relentless shifting causes this cushion to want to launch an attack. A most pleasurable attack. Yet the paper thin walls of the house keep his simmering desire in check and he eventually falls deep into slumber.

Raito remembers waking up to see L huddling in his computer chair. The next time he awakes, L is standing close by. It must be a dream since the detective plants a soothing kiss on his forehead, which has become a nonexistent gesture these days, to coo him back to dreamland. When he subsequently rouses from the sunlight flitting in through the windows, L is gone. Raito panics. Last evening was real, wasn't it?

There are noises from the kitchen. His mother is awake. Sayu's room is empty, as expected. The door to his parents' room is ajar, a sleeping figure still in bed. L is not here. Raito feels disoriented. Is the nightmare over? Does he lead a normal life now? What is normal?

As Raito treads downstairs, the sense of having an important mission settles solidly on his shoulders. He is an elite being, empowered with the gift to eliminate those unworthy to walk the earth. As long as there are ways to evade the laws of this world, the good people will always live in fear, not knowing if they would be the next victim. Death Note is the perfect solution. It returns the terror to the filthy criminals where they will certainly perish for defying their new God. The virtuous people should be protected and the disobedient individuals should be punished. The only one in his way now is L.

Raito enters the bathroom. The man from his last thought is here, aiming a stream into the toilet bowl to relieve himself. The youth locks the door behind him.

"What if my mother walks in? For someone as intelligent as you are, you can be extremely stupid." Raito berates L for not locking the door.

"Then I should be the one screaming, and not her." Seriously, it would be the lady seeing the goodies.

"Are you done? My turn."

"There's the basin."

Raito is unsure why he feels infuriated with the man this morning. Is it general frustration? As he takes an aim at the bowl, the detective is at the basin rinsing himself and shaking off excess water. When it is his turn to rinse, L stands behind him to slide off his shorts, palms roaming leisurely over his supple cheeks.

"My mother is outside."

"Do you wish to invite her?"

"The walls are thin."

"You have my word that I shall keep my noise level to a minimum. Do I have your cooperation?"

"There's no lube."

"I spied a jar of aloe vera face cream. The label states it is formulated of all natural ingredients."

The brunet is rock hard by the time he shakes off excess water. They are facing a large mirror. L is Raito's weakness. He is vulnerable to the other man's touch. A fire burns at each point of contact. All Raito can do is to extend his arms towards the reflective glass surface for support as he watches with mounting exhilaration at every pleasant movement the detective makes on his body.

"I'm claiming my belated birthday present." L murmurs silkily in his ear when he plunges inside in one smooth stroke.

A few minutes later, Sachiko Yagami is at the bottom of the stairs calling out, "Raito, are you awake? Breakfast is almost ready." She hears running water coming from the bathroom.

"Ahh..HAI! Coming..I'm coming.. ahh." Raito's breathless voice rings out behind the closed door.

"It's alright. Take your time." She returns to the kitchen for further preparation.

L arrives at the dining table first. Other than a pinker tint on his usually pale face, nothing is amiss.

"Good morning, Yagami-san." The man greets the lady amiably.

"Good morning, Ryuuzaki-san. Please have a seat."

L remains standing. He commences on a brief speech.

Raito needs a minute for some follow up actions. First, his morning dose of paper. Then, the cleanup of the counter and mirror. Finally, air freshener to camouflage the musky and sharp odor of their recent activity. He even places a bundle of toilet paper at his bottoms for possible leaks. L came for what seemed like an eternity. The student isn't sure of the volume of the load. He examines the teeth marks midway between his neck and arm socket made by the other man that bit him during the eternity. The skin is not broken but it will bruise. He splashes water on his flushed cheeks to bring down the temperature.

"..Raito-kun is blessed with a wonderful family. It is a family I never had. Perhaps that is one of the reasons I am attracted to him. He is my first true friend. More than a friend. I love your son, Yagami-san. I'm not ashamed to admit it."

Sachiko is confused but moved by this stranger's honest admission. Even though she is unable to comprehend the full context of his words, he carries with him such a profound sadness that she wants to comfort him in an embrace, to bring happiness to those desolate eyes, to tease a smile to the lifeless face. A maternal instinct.

Raito is eavesdropping at a bend in the hallway. It is not intentional. He doesn't feel like intruding in the middle of a private moment. He was on his way to the kitchen when he heard those words. There should be more at the beginning and he simply wasn't there to catch it all. _L has no family? _

Raito greets his mother and joins L at the dining table.

"I'm going to the market. Put everything in the sink when you're done." The mother glances out the windows. It is fine and breezy. "Ryuuzaki-san's clothing should be dry in a few hours. I hope your classes don't start until then?"

The young men move to the living room after breakfast to settle on the sofa. Raito blushes faintly from the memory this piece of furniture brings. L crouches on the seat and sniffs curiously at the pajamas that adorn his body. It is a two-piece men's pajamas in pale blue with tiny black dots in spiral patterns, long sleeves and long trousers.

"May I keep this pajamas set, Raito-kun? You have a pleasing scent."

Raito gives an indifferent shrug. Something bothers him. L's attitude has taken a 180-degree turn since yesterday. _Is he trying to drive me mad? _

It is a surreal morning. Who would have thought the greatest detective on the planet would be at a dwelling of a civilian family? But then, one of the family members is of quite a high caliber to stand fearless before this vastly intelligent mind. The very opposites of both sides should be together at this ordinary place. Fate mocks them. She can be such a bitch.

The crouching man continues to inhale deeply from the fabric. He runs his fingers along the pale blue flannel, savouring the soft texture. It seems that he has taken a true liking to the garments.

"Keep the set. Molest the pajamas at your own free time." Raito pulls at the hem of his T-shirt to cover his rising arousal, particularly when L stares intently at the region.

"There is something between your legs." Raito rolls his eyes, not believing he is hearing this from a being with a supposedly complex mind. _The insatiable man! _

"That's the male sexual response, L. I'm sure you have seen it in the past and even experienced it firsthand, if I'm not mistaken."

"No." L extends his hand towards the pair of shorts and plucks at a white edge from his inner thigh. "I meant this." _Not the Death Note paper. Of course. _

The bundle of toilet paper is slipping out from the absence of underpants. Raito takes care of the inconvenience swiftly, ignoring the increasing heat in his cheeks. They grow silent again. It is awkward. To imagine they had just became one this morning.

"It's a fine morning." Always safe to start with the weather.

"Is it?" L has his hands resting on his raised knees and eyes glued idly to the white ceiling.

"Depends."

"How contradictory."

"Weather wise, yes. Otherwise, not quite."

"And what is this 'otherwise', Raito-kun?"

"Things that keep you employed."

"That could also be applied to your father."

"True. If only the legal system could work more effectively.."

"Such as what Kira has been attempting."

"Though killing people is immoral, the fact that crime rate has been dropping all over the world since the emergence of Kira is undeniable. I'm just saying if the current system could have the same effect on the population, the world would be a much better place."

"That borders on terrorism. Exerting absolute power is an erroneous approach. History can attest to that. We have witnessed what Kira is capable of during the television broadcast. The man that died could have been an innocent."

"You are taking this personal, L. I understand he was your past lover."

"That is irrelevant. In any case, I have speculated at the absence of an intimate relationship in Raito-kun's life. Misa-san's innocent charms could affect any healthy male without difficulty."

Raito snorts. A poke in L's direction could only earn him a return jab. He should have anticipated that. "Innocent?"

"Why yes. She appeared to be rather ignorant of the male anatomy last eve. She fainted afterwards. It was beyond acting, I must say." Only L would set up such an inane test to explore an insignificant possibility.

"That was a cruel experiment, L. I've always told you I'm not interested in her."

"Your physical response had revealed otherwise. Very well, I presume you have applied emotional apathy to the females you were courting? Or rather, under such a false intent?"

"Any normal male would respond to such stimuli." Raito only addresses the first part in response._ Well, I'm tired of the charades, L. I hate having to decide whether you live or die. This world is rotten, don't you see? It needs someone like me. _

"I suppose." _Hmm..no more denial in regards to your previous dates. Silent admission, Raito? You do remember everything, Kira. _

The flow of conversation is depressing. L has a sudden craving for something sweet. He visually seeks for his sack of candies without success. Raito has acknowledged it wordlessly and ascends the stairs to his room. L is his shadow as he tails behind.

The beige sack sits at the night table. L upends the bag to disperse the contents onto the table surface. Raito narrows his eyes in contempt at the golden foil amongst other colorful wraps of candy selections. Accusingly, he picks up the paper stick taped to the circular packet.

x x x x

Misa yawns and stretches lazily under the morning rays streaming in through the curtains. She is quite satisfied at the restful night. Sleep is essential to keep a girl beautiful. She checks her cell phone for missed calls. The blonde might be a bubblehead to many but she is all business where her career is concerned.

A new message from Sayu. Misa smiles fondly at the young girl's flattering attention at her. She might just be the backdoor to earning her the title of Mrs. Yagami Junior. The message contains an attachment. Those two boys! She scowls in displeasure as she scrolls lower to reveal the rest of the picture. Is that her? That blonde with beet red cheeks has her hands grabbing at crotches! She drops the phone on her bedspread in mild shock.

Misa holds up her palms to study them, temperature rising in her cheeks. She flexes her right hand, remembering Raito's surprise. She traces at her own stocking clad thigh, reliving the moments of touching him. Something disturbs her from indulging fully in her fantasy. The blonde stops for a while to rummage in the narrow pocket of her short skirt. It's the sales receipt Raito had given her last night.

x x x x

One moment they were talking, the next moment they were in bed. The furniture creaks softly from the additional weight.

Raito is sickly fascinated by his own shiny black manhood. At L's experienced touch, the ultra thin rubber had somehow been poured onto his rigid length. Upon entering and exiting the tight hot tunnel of the other man, the disappearance and reappearance of the dark color is an erotic visual feast in addition to the sensual friction each thrust generates. Raito gasps helplessly as L engulfs his black hardness in an escalating pace, heated skins slick with passionate sweat.

_**Dooludooludoolu...**_ From necessity, Raito picks up the cordless receiver from his night table before the first ring is completed. They don't need a sleepy Yagami-san stumbling in on the heart attack inducing scene. Raito props his back against the headboard and clears his throat away from the receiver.

"Brother? Thought you might still be home. Guess what? I took a picture of all three of you lying on the floor last night. My gosh! Is this a triangular relationship? Did you guys have a threesome or something?"

"Calm down, Sayu. Whatever gave you that idea?" Raito almost moans into the receiver as L gives a deep squeeze. The burning coil at his stomach is straining loose any time now with every insistent plunge.

"But Misa was grabbing at you both! Kyaaa! I sent her the file just to tease her. So far, she hasn't called back." Merging digital camera features with a cell phone is one of the greatest innovations of the 21st century.

Raito comes. He nearly drops the phone. He comes again. The series of pleasant waves is starting. L laps at one of his nipples while his fingers tweak at the other one to encourage the sinfully delectable sensations.

"Brother? What are you doing? You sound breathless."

"Ahh..I.." Raito swallows a throaty groan. "I'm ..fine.."

"Is Ryuuzaki-san here?"

"Hold on.." Raito draws in a ragged breath and hands the receiver to L. He caresses at the dripping member with both hands, covering it whole, squeezing and twirling. L hisses in pleasant torment.

"Yesss, Saaayuu-chaaan..?"

"Even Ryuuzaki-san sounds funny. What is going on?"

"The earth is self rotating." L resumes his own set of heavenly rhythm. He is close, with Raito licking lasciviously at his nipples, one by one.

"You're weird. Well, come by to visit us sometimes. I'd love to see that demonstration of yours." The sentence ends in a flood of giggles.

The merciless attacks on his nipples and hard member are overwhelming. "Nnnn..I'll come..ahh..." He muffles the mouthpiece with his other hand.

"You sound really funny, Ryuuzaki-san. I hope you're not doing anything perverted in my brother's presence. He is a model student, you know. Don't corrupt him."

L has regained his breath. "I am in the process of getting better acquainted with Raito-kun. He is a fine piece of human specimen indeed." He feels Raito quivering underneath him, arching in one final thrust and producing a small lusty growl.

"He's a what? I can't hear you. It's too noisy here." A sudden pause magnifies the background sounds of students chatting. "The teacher's almost here. Gotta go! Bye bye!"

"Seems like we have just redefined 'phone sex'." Raito gives a lopsided grin. L allows a small smile. _As proven in this second attempt, the Kira personality is absent while we are connected. What does the monster fear? However pleasurable and effective this method might be, it is humanly impossible to stay connected indefinitely. This is a dead end. I need to find an equilibrium, for Raito, for myself, for our future. _

x x x x

_"Misa, here. Taste this." Raito handed her the glass. His fingers interlaced with hers when she gripped the alcoholic drink, an electric current permeating through her skin to set her heart aflutter, releasing a school of butterflies to dance blindly around her stomach. It was a good thing the fragile container was still on the kitchen counter, else she would've dropped it. The sensation of something less cool from the glass surface finally registered. It was a piece of paper against the outer curvature of the transparent material, obscured from sight by the opaque orange liquid. _

_"Ugh..it burns. Perhaps more juice?" She returned the glass in his direction, sans the paper slip. L had his total attention on Raito and she took this free moment to slip the paper into the pocket of her skirt. In a very natural way to appear stylish, of course. _

Misa unfolds the small piece of paper carefully. Normally, such tiny scraps go into garbage bins without a second glance from her. But this was from _Raito_! She treats it reverently like a message from God. Well, he is one, to her. She giggles, exalted. _He wanted to tell me something but had to do it in a secret way._ The paper slip was generated by a grocery store cashier machine. There is some writing on the blank side of it.

"**Pick up my school notes at the Park (page 34)**

**Love you**"

Misa wears a silly grin for the rest of the day. Her Raito _needs_ her! Page 34 is a reference to a leaf at her daily planner. She flips at the mini schedule for the hint. It leads her to another. After three more intricate clues at several places, she has learned the address of the park and the definite spot she should be digging at. Strange that school notes should be buried underground. She will find them for him though. How could she refuse the man she loves so dearly?

x x x x

Soichiro Yagami stands rooted at the patch of landing that connects all three bedrooms. The door to Raito's room is ajar. He hears low voices conversing. The term 'phone sex' jumps out and he is shocked that his son should be touching upon this topic. He calms down after several deep breaths. Raito is eighteen. He is a healthy boy after all.

The one handspan gap at the door showcases a naked boy pulling on his shorts. The father gapes, completely scandalized. The boy's skin is flushed in various places. The dark pinkish organ suggests of an obvious aftereffect from masturbation or intercourse. Surely his perfect son would never do that in Ryuuzaki's presence, let alone having... Soichiro's mind reels horridly from the unthinkable and he feels dizzy as he grips painfully at his chest. This is a bad dream. Perhaps he should return to bed and try to wake up to a normal morning.

x x x x

The return ride to their building is equally quiet to yesterday's car ride to Raito's house, though there is a palpable change, so heavy and thick they can taste the scorching aridness of it.

_Does he know?_ Raito stares outside at the passing scenes, counting the lampposts absentmindedly.

_Kira?_ L chews on his thumb, bemused.

"Why would you let me..." The student trails off, mindful of a third set of ears. His faint blush finishes the rest of the question for him.

"Equal opportunities." Raito sneers at that.

"Don't shit me. Life is never fair."

"That is the very reason people strive for the opportunity to be. It takes both parties to compromise."

"Ryuuzaki, are you trying to tell me something?"

"Interesting. I thought the reverse was true."

"I have nothing new to tell you." Raito closes his eyes for a short nap.

_This is revolution, L. The obsoletes ought to be discarded. The old methods are not working. Embrace the new. That is how the human race has progressed throughout the ages. Look at what I have accomplished in such a brief timeframe! I have supporters. They know I can judge those that have slipped through the legal system. The cleansing will start soon and my people will rejoice even more. Are you certain you want to be against God? _

"Then I have nothing that would interest you." L stares straight ahead, unseeing.

_The 13-day rule no longer matters. You will ensure Higuchi dies 10 days after his capture, taking into account of the extra 3 days of his assurance of not taking a life. The killings will commence. You will have the ideal alibi by staying at the building, instructing the second Kira by some means to act in your place. The constant monitoring becomes pointless. It would have been a perfect plan, a flawless flow if not for the apparent tracks you have left behind._ L sweeps his thumb at his lower lip, heart sinking lower.

L had inquired into the wristwatch after Raito left for his bathroom trip the other day. Yagami-san had smiled and provided the answer. It is a limited edition watch with a secret compartment, accessible by compressing on a dial in rapid succession. At 5:31 this morning, L had clicked open the compartment where a piece of paper was hidden. Its jagged edges contrast with Raito's immaculate habits. Raito's name in kanji and his home telephone number were written on it. Not the Death Note paper. That much was obvious. L was sure it was a different piece of paper Raito had inserted at his lower end that day. It showed up in the surveillance tape.

L had compared Raito's handwriting further before inspecting the watch. He had sorted through more of the student's composition papers at the desk. From his memory, the engraved trails of letterings on the inner front cover of the Death Note matched those from his papers. The remembrance of Tailor's name impressed at the black paper surface of the notebook breaks the detective's heart. Not over the dead man, but the living one. It is an irrefutable proof that Raito is Kira. L could no longer deny the fact. The series of trails he had sought out have led him to the blatant truth, lying naked before his eyes and inside his mind.

Time is ticking away too fast, as if the very Devil himself is twisting the dials for his own amusement, observing the human pawns spur and spar in a deadly game of elimination. Both have the ability to take the other's life, one by legal means, the other by otherworldly powers. Yet, where there are rules there are loopholes. There must be.

* * *

_More Notes:_ Can't really come up with any good debates that do not exist already so don't hold any high expectations. I hope to have fun writing the story as much as you get a kick out of reading it.

-M.H., Sept 13, 2007


	19. Chapter 19 Hopelessness

_Chapter 19 _

_Death Note. Shinigami. World cleansing. FBI. Todai. "I'm L." Tennis match. Coffee shop. More cleansing. Misa. Confinement. Car ride. **Bang!** Cuffed wrists. Collaboration. Love. Higuchi captured. Memories returned. Deceit. Wariness. L has to go.. _

"Haah..haaah..." Raito heaves, waking up, drenched in sweat. The left side of the bed is empty. L has not been there at all. He runs his hands through his mused hair, faintly remembering the dream sequence of many unpleasant occurrences. There is very little of the remaining portions that could make him smile. Those that do involve L, yet he is contemplating to eliminate the very source of his joy. _If I want to do it, why am I not rejoicing? If I do not want it done, why am I thinking about it? _

The night is still young. Raito takes off his T-shirt to soak away the sweat and attempts to catch more sleep. They had nothing to do after their return from his house. L had instructed Watari to inform the investigation team to take the day off. The detective had submerged into his dark shell for the rest of the day.

The brooding man is huddling in his swivel chair, eyes closed for 3 minutes to relax strained nerves. He has been staring into multiple screens for the whole day, decreasing his cake consuming velocity. Watari hasn't spoken, but his increased appearances in the main room serve as a silent concern.

The pair of dark rimmed eyes opens once again to study the screens. L has been rerunning the tapes from Raito's room. 64 is not a large figure, though the number is theoretically sufficient to cover every inch of the small room when the quantity is translated into surveillance cameras. They should be able to catch every minute movement, even when the student was scratching his balls in the chair. The detective was at the desk mimicking Raito's studying position before dawn today, no, yesterday. He had envisioned the large bag of chips on the desk providing an ideal blind spot, just as he is watching the long gone snack at this moment.

The stack of pornographic magazines Raito had hidden behind a false cover at his bookcase provided no clues at all except that his past intent to appear natural under the cameras was overdone. The pages were almost pristine. New purchases. Sweaty hands should leave oily prints yet he found none. The student wasn't interested in the ladies. So what? There could be a million reasons to explain his disinterest.

The circumstantial evidence on hand is insufficient to build a case. Where? When? Why? Who? Whom? The basic five. Where – everywhere; when – a list; why – a deranged delusion of saving the world; who – Light Yagami aka Kira; whom – a list of victims. The first two are tricky. Though the time of death is deducible, there is nothing substantial to link Kira to any of the crime scenes. If they have to resort to supernatural explanations, at least they could work with the written pages that were assumed to have been destroyed. That is impossible at this stage since the pages are indeed missing. Take away any one of the w's and they might as well be chasing a ghost. _This should frustrate me normally but why am I grinning like a fool? _

_The exhaustion is getting to me._ It is a lame excuse to rationalize his renegade impulse. His mental dam is weakening. A flood of pleasant memories flows unbidden. His beautiful Raito. Fighting his body. Intriguing his mind. Tickling his curiosity. Arguing against his points. Smiling at him. Cursing at him. Clutching to him. Confessing his love. Moaning his name. Quivering in ecstasy. Exciting him. Loving him. He has been a candle in the dark. He is an oasis in a desert. _Raito is my fountain of joy. _

His bent index finger suddenly has a saltine flavor. Surprised, he removes the digit from the corner of his lips. A trail of salty liquid has trailed along his nose to the slanted path to give him that unique taste. After 25 years of existence, he has at last regained one of the fundamental features of being a human.

Raito has been shivering from the cold, tossing and turning in his sleep. He feels a warm presence enveloping him and he stops shivering. The soothing scent of his lover makes him smile. He reaches out..and could only grasp at the soft blanket that has been draped over him some time during the night. Slowly, his eyelids open to the faint rays of dawn. He turns his head to the left. Empty, as expected. He shifts to lie on his side, on his right. There's L, unexpected.

The detective appears to be asleep, his eyelashes lowered serenely. His shoulders have slumped forward on the edge of the mattress, one cheek resting on the sheets, his thumb near slightly parted lips, his other arm spread open towards the student. It is a rare sight to observe those penetrating eyes of his at rest. How long has he been hunching on the floor? How could he be so guileless in Kira's presence? Does he not fear for his life? Is that utter stupidity or supreme confidence?

Raito's heart thumps wildly. He is forever under the tantalizing spell of the dark haired man. _L looks..adorable. _The brunet notices his hard groin is almost grazing the other's arm and he retreats automatically, not wanting to upset the fine balance. In everyway.

_Why do I care what L feels or thinks? He is the fucking roadblock. I'm only _this_ close to my goal. _Raito lies on his back and closes his eyes._ I love him, that's why._ L has become a prominent presence in his otherwise mundane life. Perhaps their enforced proximity has built his dependence on the detective. This ad hoc situation of being in love has disturbed Kira's agenda. He frowns, tormenting in his battling emotions.

A hand resting at his thigh interrupts his conflicting thoughts. It is only 4 inches away from his sex. The other man's arm jerks and the fingers now lie against his balls. Suddenly feeling playful, Raito slithers downwards delicately to ease his clothed erection into the open palm. He keeps his eyes shut, afraid to see those obsidian orbs fly open with distaste.

This forced intimate contact gives the youth perverse pleasure. He is now afraid to move. A tiny flick or squeeze will most definitely send him over the edge. His skin turns warmer against the cool morning air. At this brief respite, he is worry free. Flashes of their pleasant get together fire through his neurons, memories of L's scorching touch, remembrance of his tender kisses. Further bliss erupts when a startling series of pumping at his groin and persistent lapping at his nipple blossom into a breathtaking climax.

"Good morning, Raito-kun." The youth cannot think of a more enjoyable way to start the day, except to be making love with L.

"..Hmm..good morning." Raito's voice is thick with desire. His vision widens, taking in the mischievous light dancing in the other man's eyes, wherever those shiny orbs are not obscured by his wild hair. The detective has his head on the student's chest, hearing the rapid thuds of heartbeats, a tiny smile ghosting his lips. _L is the most gorgeous creature I have ever laid eyes on. _The eccentric man is not the handsomest of the species, though packaging isn't everything. There is a mysterious charisma about him. He is an intriguing being with an infinite number of layers, alluring him to lean closer, to become one with the blinding core. Raito hugs him tight, never wanting to let go.

x x x x

They are taking a noon break. Aizawa has apologized once again for missing the party. He is being filled in with sketchy details of the evening. When he cannot contain his curiosity much longer, he asks Raito, "What was your surprise to Misa-san? Chief was out, Mogi said he doesn't know and Matsuda claims he doesn't remember."

"It was a practical joke, Aizawa-san. A silly prank." The ace student manages to keep a nonchalant expression.

"It was an uncomplicated method to enhance the bonding between Raito-kun and Misa-san." Even L's informative response leaves the question perfectly unanswered.

"Okay, then I don't want to hear about it." For a moment, Aizawa glances suspiciously at Matsuda, who must be finding the floor extremely erotic, as evidenced by his dull pink blush and downward gaze between his shoes, and decides it is not worth it to pursue this out-of-reach subject and risks having to clean his ears from actually hearing the apparently unspeakable.

Raito excuses himself for a bathroom break. His father follows. The restroom is of a dark design. The smooth slabs of ebony wall tiles give a reflection of a vague outline approaching the row of white urinals. The man simply stands next to him, not making use of the facilities available.

"Do you care for Ryuuzaki?" The father finally asks.

_I love him._ "He's my friend."

Soichiro rakes his hair in mild frustration. "I want a straight answer."

"You're being evasive yourself, Father."

"I know I haven't been there for you at many important moments of your life. My job requires me to.."

"I know, Dad. I understand."

"I simply want my family to be safe and happy."

"..." Raito moves to the sink and rinses himself. Meanwhile, his father is showing an excessive interest at his cleansed penis. "You make me feel uncomfortable, Dad."

Soichiro was deep in thoughts and hasn't realized his fixated gaze was on _that_ part of Raito. Perhaps his thoughts happened to coincide with that region. He diverts his line of vision onto friendlier territories.

"Are you happy, Raito? With Ryuuzaki?"

The son looks discreetly at the older man, seeking for cues on how he has managed to connect L with his happiness.

"That morning in your room.." Oh, _that_ morning. That explains why his father is staring.

"It's beyond the physical, Dad. We connect on an emotional level as well."

Soichiro's face pales visibly at his son's verbal confirmation. His perfect son! He had anticipated a denial, anything, to rebut what he had speculated. There was no direct evidence to indicate these two had advanced this far. Raito was expected to refute the absurd insinuation. He plants both palms at the rim of the sink to steady himself.

"Have you been threatened in any way? Coerced? Ryuuzaki can be tried just like any other men. If he has harmed my child.."

Caring parents could be extremely protective of their children. Perhaps his father would be provoked enough to put a bullet between those sleep deprived eyes. That is a direct approach to remove his roadblock, though it would taint his reputation as the new God. Where is his finesse? He should be surrounded by decent people. He doesn't need bloodshed near him. In fact, as far away as possible. Death Note makes that possible.

"No, Dad. It's a consensual relationship."

"You do care for Ryuuzaki." The similar sentence minus the questioning tone is repeated with a different mindset, one with lesser doubt but increased anxiety. Raito is a responsible boy and his judgment is always sound. He is everything a parent could wish for.

This time, with tenderness ebbing in his dark brown eyes, Raito answers truthfully, "I love him."

x x x x

Kira's judgment has stopped for over ten days now. Petty crimes have been on the rise during the past week. Vandalisms. Thefts. Bank frauds. Then the level escalated to cause bodily harms. Drug trafficking. Rapes. Arsons. Kidnapping. Remarkably, when the occurrences of these crimes are marked on a map, there is a decreased frequency with the virtually spotless center at Japan, which is where Kira is located. People in this country are either awed or terrorized by the physical proximity of this unknown being.

"Higuchi's life will expire in two days." L sips calmly at his lukewarm sugary tea.

"He deserves it!" Matsuda shuts up immediately, appalled at his Kira-like thinking.

"Kira's efforts are futile. Apparently, Japan has been able to maintain a higher level of discipline due to the vast number of Kira supporters. In spite of this, the rest of the world population is not impressed."

"Your reasoning is flawed. A single source cannot influence the entire world in such a brief period."

"It appears that Yagami-kun would like to assist Kira with the killings."

"Do not put words in my mouth."

"It was pure speculation. Perhaps Yagami-kun would like to expand further with his views?" L can think of better things to put in that delectable mouth. His gaze has lingered long enough for Raito to notice.

Raito wants to hit and kiss L. After admitting to his father of his feelings for L, Raito had endured three lonely nights and mornings. What of that 10-second handjob morning? L seemed rather content lying there smiling at him. Is it finally over between them? The man has been giving off mysterious signals. _What do you want, L? _

For the past three nights, L had changed into the newly acquired set of pale blue pajamas and huddled in his black swivel chair in the main room, embracing the fabric, inhaling Raito's essence, dozing off, dreaming about his love. In his dreams, they would fight the evils of the world by day, making passionate love by night. A world where Raito was not Kira, where Kira didn't exist. They would be having occasional outings with the Yagami family, basking in the coziness, smiling affectionately at one another.

Alas, these were dreams, never meant to be. _I want Raito. However, I also serve justice. Raito is not justice, therefore, I cannot have him. _There were moments like these that L woke up to the moistness soaking the soft flannel covering his raised knees, felt the source of the liquid renewing afresh. _What do I want? _

Raito continues, "I believe there are millions out there wishing for justice in a swifter form. The world is suffering by the hands of its own people. It saddens me." _It also saddens me that we have to be separated soon. _

"All the more reason for the people to learn to repent, to realize their mistakes. Though of course, drastic measures are necessary to penalize serious offenders, to serve as warnings to potential criminals." _What should I do about you, Raito? What _can_ I do about you? _

"The more I have studied the laws, the more I have came to recognize the inadequacy of the current systems. I want to make a difference. I want a better society."

"Very admirable, Yagami-kun. You are our future hope." As long as Raito is Kira, there's no hope, no future. L focuses his false hope on his cake instead.

"What is the best course of action, Ryuuzaki?" _What's next? Not sleeping with me can hardly faze me. Is that all your childish brain can think of? _

"We will find out in two days." To the team, that is a grim way to verify the authenticity of the 13-day rule. Unbeknownst to them, Raito is Kira, which could only mean the rule is bogus, as with the one about destroying the notebook bringing death to those associated with it. He should have burned the book before Raito came in contact with it. If the rule was real, Raito would either live because of his innocence or die due to his past association with Death Note, L would also die. If the rule was false, L would not die, thus proving Raito's guilt and eliminating the means to regain his previous Kira memories. In both case, the Kira threat would be erased. A win-win situation, in a way. The difference lies in whether L would live to see the results.

"Let's adjourn for the day." L declares in his flat tone, deeming it pointless to proceed further. He moves to a sofa across the room, signaling the day is officially over. Yagami-san pats Raito on the shoulder with concern and he receives a resemblance of a small smile from his son as a reassurance that things are running smoothly. There is something the father wants to express but he thinks twice and shakes his head. At last, the two young men are left alone.

x x x x

Misa's eyes are dazed. She is concentrating on the new information that is passing too fast through her head. The special scene of Raito kissing her is her favorite. They have gone through so much together! She is useful after all. Raito needs her! She grins dreamily at the remembrance of being the second Kira, of how she has found her love.

A letter drifts to the ground from between the pages. Raito has written this in preparation of her finding the notebook. The genius! She is to remove a few pages from the note and bury it underground again. There is a man's name Raito wants her to recall. _I know you don't want L around._ She should be waiting for a signal from him before she proceeds. Lastly, she has to touch Raito with the paper of this notebook. That could be difficult, as she has been informed that she is not permitted to visit him. She has to improvise!

To gain Raito's love, Misa has to remember L's real name. Ugh! Very difficult indeed! As she is deeply engrossed in her impossible recollection, a queer noise above distracts her. She glances upwards to the source.

A dark clothed being with a perpetually hideous wide grin has floated down from a tree branch. The petite girl cannot contain her thrill. Seeing the creature reinforces the belief that she will soon be side by side with Raito in his grand scheme of creating a new world.

"Ryuk," The blonde's cute face has a serious look. "Let's do the deal."

x x x x

Raito sits beside the detective on the sofa, shutting his eyes for a nap. The huddling man tenses.

"I'm exhausted, L." Fatigue has aged his voice. "Let's not fight."

"Is that Kira speaking or is that you, Raito?" No response.

The student can sense the other man leaving the sofa. Bitter disappointment fills him. He hasn't changed. He has only resumed his previous title. He is planning for a better world. What does he get in return? His love spurning on him. Legal forces ready to prosecute him should they find out who he is.

Darkness settles over his closed eyelids. The lights have been switched off. The detective has returned to sit next to him with no gap in between their bodies. Disappointment is chased away by hope. He is not abandoned after all. L knows he is Kira, yet he chooses to stay. The brunet leans close to rest his head on the other's shoulder. Their mingled scents comfort him immensely. Sleep is not too far away.

L allows their thighs to rest side by side. The 40 percent decrease in reasoning skills is not life threatening. No skills could erase Kira's existence. What's the point?

Raito has adjusted himself into a more intimate position. He has leaned in to cover part of the other man's chest, his head still resting on his lover's shoulder. His arm nestles naturally between thin but sinewy thighs, to torture L sweetly. The detective is not resisting, to which Raito is grateful. Three days. He misses him already. A lifetime. How can he survive without him? An eternity. If his soul can neither go to Heaven or Hell, they will indeed be parted forever.

"Rest well, Raito." These gentle words manage to reach the drowsy youth before he dips below the conscious level.

In the darkness, L ignores the rising excitement caused by the other's arm. He starts to relax, his cheek against Raito's soft hair. Within his closed eyelids, fantastical conjurations of their nonexistent future wander everywhere, saturating his mind with momentary jolts of delight. He is intoxicated with his lover's scent, subtly supplied through the auburn strands.

If Raito were not Kira, none of this would have taken place. If Kira wasn't in the formula, the possibility of a chance meeting would be next to zero. Kira is responsible for the birth of their love. Would he also be accountable for the death of it? L doesn't know. He doesn't want to know. One thing he is certain of is waking up and drinking in the sight of his beloved in a brand new day, a vision that has been etching deeper into his mind day after day. Out of nowhere, ominous clouds of doubt start to cast shadows over his battered heart. _Will I wake up tomorrow? _

* * *

_Note:_ This is...well.. lame. I may rewrite the chapter. It'll be another 3 days if I don't post it now. Sigh..

-M.H., Sep 25, 2007

(Sep 26 & 27) Done with the revising. Took out some useless details. Still feeling kind of weak to me but I'm happier with this version. I had wanted to redo Raito's dialogues with L, actually did something about it and hope nothing sounds too stupid.


	20. Chapter 20 Inevitable

-Maybe upsetting for some people. Still here? Read on..

* * *

_Chapter 20_

Raito catches L unawares. For the past few days, excluding the night where they had spent in the main room, it has been a regular practice for L to change into the set of pale blue pajamas during the time Raito took his showers. The bedroom would be empty when the student exited the bathroom. Tonight, he has left the faucet on after he has finished showering to surprise the detective by appearing dripping wet and hugging him from behind.

It is all intentional. L has heard the sound level increasing when the bathroom door swung open. He has estimated the time range the youth needs for the shower, having had numerous opportunities to feed his eyes in those bygone days. His state of undress was also calculated. The pajamas bottoms have yet to be pulled up. Raito's wetness has imprinted onto his bare butt cheeks. The burgeoning hardness behind is insistent at the yielding flesh. L responds to that instantly. _I'm in control of losing my control, such irony. _

"Stay with me tonight." Raito swallows his pride and appeals in a whisper, his breath soft and hot against the other's ear.

"Why should I?" L whispers back, guilty at wanting the same thing.

"I want you." His heart beats rapidly against the other's back.

"You are Kira." The foul title leaves a bitter aftertaste.

"We belong together." _We do. We do!_

"I serve justice." _It's against my principles to want you._

"I need you." _It's been long enough. Too long._ Raito nips gently at the nape of the man's neck.

"Why?" _I want to hear it. I _need_ to hear it._

"I love you." _It's the truth. Nothing can change that._

Raito's tender murmur is L's undoing. The brunet grazes lightly at the pale jaw line while turning the man around slowly in his embrace. The pajamas bottoms have pooled at the floor and they stumble clumsily when L tries to step out of them. Their need is great. Their kiss is savage. Their parted lips and ravenous tongues try to overpower the other. Desperately trying to devour each other.

They waltz awkwardly towards the bed. L pushes Raito onto it with urgency, trailing kisses along his throat, licking at nipples, biting his abdomen, sucking on his hard flesh. The youth arches his hips in helpless rapture, thrusting deeper against the soft cavity, gasping wantonly. The underside of his member is teased with a sinister duet of opposing sweeps of L's lower lip and nimble tongue. Abruptly, the youth ceases movements and withdraws.

"I almost..came. Your turn." Raito pants with L lazing the tip of his tongue at the apex of his glistening erection.

Their positions change with L lying on his back. Raito latches onto the other's erection, creating a vacuum within his oral cavity to generate that exquisite pressure and tightness his lover cannot resist. The front of the pajamas top is eased open. His fingers play with those idle nipples, twirling and tweaking to make them erect, sending sinful currents to feed the hardness between his lips. No matter how calm L attempts to be, his heavy pants and soft keening are composing an erotic symphony, strong notes of blooming desire resonate thick in the air, driving them both insane with want.

"Stop, unless you want me to come now." L hisses. Raito is tugging hard at his testicles.

"I want to eat you alive." Raito covers the thoroughly loved erection with more saliva. He spreads some at his own entrance in preparation for their long awaited reunion. In one swift plunge, hotness meets hardness, eliciting lusty groans from both.

L clenches ecstatically at the sheets, turning his knuckles white. Raito is killing him in a very pleasurable way. He lets the student ride on him, enjoying the sensation of being surrounded. The soft flannel on his back is soaked with his passionate sweat, just as Raito's hungry fingers stroke at his chest and abdomen to burn him with an intense fire. Their rocking motion is captivating and hypnotizing. He is bathed in the divine essence of all that is Raito. He is lost in his love.

"Aahh...Raito..."

Raito's gloom from the past few days has vanished. Having witnessed the unpredictable responses and experienced the true passions of the detective in the past, at least everything seems real tonight. Conquering the world with righteous fury is far away from his mind at the moment. It is exalting to be in the solid embrace of his love, his equal. He encourages his lover's rigid invasions. Ragged breaths. Surprised growls. Thrust after thrust, he is driven higher onto the next plateau. The wild wet noises of flesh against flesh are a delectable acoustic treat. When he can no longer contain his bliss, he threads his fingers through the wild ropes of raven hair, tightening his pelvis to the point where pleasure nearly turns into pain.

"Nhhh...L..."

Their scorching lips meet for a kiss, gasps and moans escape at a will of their own, expressing their yearning, professing their love. L flips over to press Raito roughly against the mattress, his mind half crazed, driven by the relentless need to claim the youth as his. Only his.

The beautiful face beneath him is the familiar one he remembers so well. Kira is not involved. Only Raito is here. There is a difference. It matters. The thought of possessing Raito wholly once more, if only for a momentary instant, arouses him like all their lovemaking sessions combined. He nearly passes out from the exquisite pleasure. As if sensing his current state, the student drapes one leg onto his back to bring their hips closer together, arching deeper to meld as one with him. They enter the blissful blankness one after another, quivering in delightful ripples, panting each other's name.

Ferociously spent, L collapses against Raito, gasping. The exhilarating rush of endorphins floods their bloodstreams to bring sated smiles curving their lips. They lie side by side to gaze at each other, content at this moment in time. It is so easy to pretend nothing is amiss. Right now, they have each other. Right now, nothing else matters.

x x x x

"Is it not toxic, Raito-kun?"

The student continues to chew calmly, crumpling a matte silvery candy wrapper within his fingers. L heard the crackly sound of thin foil unwrapping and he had inquired about it. Raito had offered him a piece of candy from a slim rectangular tube. The regular kind of candies easily purchasable from stores. They did not exactly stop for a shopping spree. Raito must have obtained the candies from his own house. When the chewy sugary cube was revealed, there was a petite square of paper next to it, where 'great fortune' in kanji was written. The detective witnessed candy and paper being upended into the youth's mouth. L still holds the tiny square of great fortune between his thumb and index finger.

"Fortune candy, huh." L doesn't need any chemical analysis to verify the origin of the paper. He remembers the coloring and texture of it. Of the numerous documents and notes that had passed through his hands, Death Note is unique, "Easily accessible. More convenient than your wristwatch."

It is a tranquil morning, two hours before the group meeting. Raito wasn't making any effort to hide his paper consumption, as he knew his identity was exposed already, given all relevant actions and dialogues exchanged. It would be thoroughly disappointing if L didn't have it figured out by now. He was alert to the fact that his watch was tempered with. A short length of hair was concealed along with the piece of ordinary paper inside the secret compartment. When the thread was still looped around the dial but the hair was gone, he knew just who had taken a peek.

"Raito-kun is at a disadvantage."

"Oh?" His Adam's apple rolls when he swallows the ghastly concoction.

"It is obvious that physical contact of the paper is necessary to retain your Kira awareness. I could have a gastric suction and an enema performed on you any hour of the day. The arrangement is merely a phone call away."

"Then why haven't you made that call?" _Let me guess.._

"Surely that is a rhetorical question." _I want you to acknowledge your mistakes. On your own._

Raito remains lounging on the bed, staring at the white ceiling, his hands cushioning the back of his skull. He senses the pair of dark round eyes boring into his temple, drilling a pathway into his brain. He does not dare to meet those fathomless eyes, for he is not immune to their powers. The power to suck his logic out of him, the power to have him forfeiting his ultimate mission.

"Are you happy, Raito-kun?" The question sounds almost sincere.

"Are you?" It is pointless, really. Be it a 'yes' or a 'no', L would naturally come up with some inane analysis. Not answering seems the smartest option.

"If you are, then I am." The hole drilling continues at Raito's temple.

Raito gives a smile and turns to look at L. In the split second that L takes in that smile, he knows it is only skin deep. Raito smiles like that in pictures. He smiles like that when he doesn't want to say anything. L has been fortunate to have witnessed a few of the student's genuine smiles, before they captured Higuchi, before the true Kira returns. Besides, a sincere smile uses more facial muscles than the superficial upward curving of lips. It doesn't take a recognition program to differentiate the various smiles from Raito. _Being Kira doesn't exactly bring happiness, does it, Raito?_ It is L's turn to stare at the ceiling.

"Higuchi will die today." _13 days. Misa knows what to do. _

"Is it possible to stop being Kira?"_ Stop. Enough is enough. No more._

"Is it possible to stop being L?"

"There is a vast distinction between these two identities."

"Not so. The end result is identical. The L I know would utilize whatever conceivable means, any unconventional methods, to achieve what he wants."

"I want justice, as I serve justice."

"You and I, we are the same."

"We are never the same. Never will be, as long as Kira exists." _So be it._

x x x x

Watari has brought in the briefcase for L. The detective opens it himself and retrieves the black notebook.

"Everyone, if Higuchi dies today, then we will need to set up an experiment to repeat this inactivity process with an anonymous convict on death row in order to validate the 13-day rule. It is highly possible that a second Death Note is in circulation at this moment. It is critical that we eliminate this possibility prior to closing the case. To tie up loose ends, so to speak." L pauses to sip at his coffee-flavored sugar slurry. "If I die in any suspicious manner from this point forth, I want full resources directed at Amane Misa and all personnel associated with her for the purpose of uncovering the notebook."

Raito frowns internally. Higuchi needs to be gone today, otherwise the fake rule to throw everyone off would be all for vain. It is interesting to note the way L has circled around him, not acknowledging his role as the original Kira. The detective is not aware of the criteria for ownership transfer and the eye deal. Essential maneuvers that are in Raito's favor.

"Ryuuzaki, Misa was released on the grounds of having her innocence proven. We need solid evidence to bring her in again." Yagami-san is alarmed at the unfounded accusation. He is baffled by L's continuous suspicions. Next, L will be calling Raito Kira again and he refuses to be misled by the detective once more. Trying to prove his son's innocence has taken a toil on his health.

"My life, or the absence of it, would be all the evidence you need, should that be the ultimate result. It is a contingency plan and I want it executed immediately when the time comes." L speaks of it with such conviction that the words give off a chill to freeze the room. There is no _if_, only _when_. Ambiguity doesn't exist for the detective. The men shudder at the poignant foreboding.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ryuuzaki. No one knows your real name. Kira needs a face and a name, you said so yourself." _I suppose you'll just keep your name a secret, more than ever. That's too damn bad. It'd be fitting to end this with my own hands. But then I never expected you to serve yourself to me on a platter._

"The analysis of the images during Higuchi's escape had revealed a transition. It involved this particular ability the second Kira had possessed - to learn someone's name without knowing this individual. It matches with how Misa has learned Raito's name in Aoyama." The detective chews on his thumb, staring openly at Raito. "Though it is not scientific, I believe the shinigami is pertinent in allocating Kira with said skill."

"I don't see any shinigami around." Raito neither confirms nor denies the existence of the abominable creature or the knowledge of this mysterious ability. _Besides, you won't get any information out of a shinigami. You have a Death Note, but you don't own it._

"Neither do I." L feels deflated. For over one year, he has been pursuing an elusive menace. He was determined to capture the one responsible for massacring the criminals. The method involved was evil in the pretense of carrying out a noble mission. A wolf in a sheep's skin. Affirming Raito is both the wolf and the sheep did not bring the usual satisfaction he took for granted in proving his theories. Certain conditions were breached. He started to feel emotions. He started to care. He has fallen in love. A sweet state to be for ordinary humans. L was not brought up to be ordinary. It takes someone extraordinary like Raito to crumble his shields. He could sacrifice pretty much everything for this worthy individual..

A phone rings. L recognizes the tone. His dark eyes focus on an outline next to Raito's crotch. Both locations are interesting to behold. Mildly startled, the brunet reaches into the front pocket of his beige slacks and takes out the blinking device. The display tells him Sayu is calling.

"Good morning, Brother. Don't you ever use your phone? I've tried to call you for the past few days."

"Morning, Sayu. I usually keep it off but seeing that it's Sunday, I've switched it on."

"Mother wants to know if you'll be coming home for dinner tonight. She said to bring your friend too. That weird guy. She seems to like him."

"I'm afraid I won't be available. Got work to do."

"Gee, you've got to relax! It's Sunday. We've had some fun last weekend, remember?" She sounds exasperated but resigned at the same time. "Besides, I want to see your friend again. Don't just keep him all to yourself."

"Exactly. We've wasted enough time. I've got to go."

"Wait! Don't you even have time to date your girlfriend? Misa will get lonely."

"She understands. Maybe you can chat with her to alleviate your boredom." Raito is ready to press the disconnect button when he pauses, thinking, "Say hello to her for me. If I call, she'll never hang up and I'd hate to hurt her feelings."

"Yes, sir. I'll be the little cupid and tell her every mushy sweet phrase I can think of. But first, I'll need to know how far you two have gone. Just holding hands? Some Kissing? More..?" Raito can almost see her curiosity about boys and girls overworking the gears in her 15-year-old mind.

"Sayu! That'll be all." He hangs up to her suppressed giggling.

"Seriously, Yagami-kun, nothing here is keeping you. You may do anything your heart desires." L traces his index finger on the black cover page of the notebook, as if touching it would enable a booming voice enunciating every hidden secret the volume holds. "Unless, of course, you are able to foresee something derived from whatever it is you have been withholding from us."

"Higuchi will die today. That's nothing new." Raito had been explicit in his letter to Misa about the fate of the current Kira, if he hadn't done it himself. Sayu's phone call was a streak of luck. She will be the messenger to deliver his reminder and signal for the next stage. He knows his sister is absolutely in love with anything about the entertainment business and she cannot resist reaching out to a hot potato such as Misa. The blonde model would have all the patience in the world to be friendly to her because she is also a family member of the Yagami's. She will most likely listen to Sayu carefully to please him, assuming he will love her more. After all, she has offered herself to him willingly to be at his disposal in any possible way. Victory is not too far away.

_It was a random call and he has set his plan in motion already. Such brilliance. What a pity we cannot have him on our side._ Nothing alarming is happening yet. To test anything is futile at the moment. They need time. There is never enough time. Indeed, Higuchi's death is the one single event to look forward to. It will prove a second Kira is involved. This time, he would target Misa's apartment, just as he did with Raito's. He has communicated with Watari earlier this morning to arrange for surveillance devices at her place as soon as Higuchi passes away.

The window of opportunity is extremely narrow. The stakes are high. Perhaps he should have Misa arrested this instant. Maybe not. If the subsequent search turns up nothing, it would discredit his L identity. To have another prolonged confinement arranged will further raise doubts from the team. She could conveniently lose her memories again, though he is uncertain how they have returned to her in the first place, unless Raito has informed her where the other notebook is. He is also unclear if she has regained the special skill of learning a stranger's name. His chance of survival is slim if they should meet again. Though the moment he let Raito into his life, he has cast his chance into the winds.

"We cannot do a thing about it, can we? It's the rules of Death Note." Aizawa with his stern face looks livid with a deeper furrow of his brows. He punches his fist into the sofa, indignant. The emotion has arisen from the helplessness of the situation rather than any sympathies felt for the criminal.

"No. Kira should know better. Unless we allow him to commence killing to extend his life, which defeats the purpose of our investigation, otherwise, that is the anticipated consequence." L's disheartening gaze lingers briefly on Raito. His impassive face scans the room. Everyone looks gloomy and has missed his meaningful look at the student. _Really, catching a Kira puppet only to have the original Kira returning. Too many ironies for the day._ He entertains the idea of confining Raito as well. At least there is the tiny square piece of paper to suggest he has had previous contact with a Death Note, when there was insufficient time to damage the current one to obtain the scrap. It is a more solid proof than mere theories alone. Not a good solution though. Raito will lose his memories once again after the paper has passed through his system.

"With his death, that also concludes our case." Yagami-san is actually anxious to put some distance between his son and the detective. It must be a teenage infatuation. Knowing they are staying in the same building night after night is stressful. "Your mother and sister have missed you, Raito."

"So have I." A pretty little lie to put his father at ease. He understands the unspoken suggestion. _I'm afraid I won't be coming home. There is so much to do._

x x x x

There is a huge grin on Misa's face. If she had a jaw like Ryuk's, she could beat the shinigami in a smiling contest. The conversation with Sayu was enlightening. She believes they could become the best of friends. How her heart had soared to the heavens at hearing Raito had specifically bid his sister to relay a hello to her! Her breasts are starting to tingle pleasantly at the thought of him.

Ryuk is nowhere to be seen. He has shied away from her whenever she is not fully clothed. She has resumed her usual habit of sleeping in her underwear when she was allowed to return to her apartment. Those days where she was under monitoring by L were a bit constraining. It would just delight his perverted mind at catching her half naked in bed on his monitors and she absolutely abhorred the idea, even during those times she was unaware of her role as the second Kira.

Down to business. Today is the day. She has to support Raito in whatever way possible. Her beloved Raito! He needs the ownership of the other Death Note for he is the rightful Kira, the man who has brought justice to her brutally murdered parents. He said there would be a signal. _Was Sayu's call _the_ signal? _

Suddenly feeling insecure, she starts to dial Raito's number. Her thumb rests on the call button indecisively. It will be suspicious to contact him before a series of events unfold. He would have called her himself if that was permitted. Her instinct tells her not to press the button. The last thing she wants is to be a burden to him.

Pleased at her clever deduction, she reaches under her pillow for the sheet of Death Note paper. Careful to have every stroke correct, Misa writes the characters slowly on the paper while fixing the man's face in mind. She has had many imaginary rehearsals for this moment. Today is a long anticipated day that is vital to the beginning of a new world. A world where she will be united with her dear Raito.

x x x x

Aizawa's phone buzzes. He answers on the second ring. He listens with a deeper frown that threatens to crack his forehead open.

"Thanks a lot. I owe you one." Aizawa's arm drops limply to his side. He clears his throat, about to announce the latest news.

Coincidentally, the capital 'w' screen blinks on. L glances blankly at Aizawa and the screen before nodding, comprehending the situation already.

"Ryuuzaki, it has happened."

"As expected. Watari, please carry on." He trusts the old man will have the surveillance devices set up at Misa's apartment under an hour, if not within the next fifteen minutes.

Aizawa watches L with something akin to awe before stating Higuchi has been found dead in his cell less than 2 minutes ago because a guard was on patrol in his area. No apparent bodily injury. An autopsy is necessary to determine the cause of death.

"Heart attack." Matsuda breathes shakily. For once, no one attempts to ridicule his comment.

"Yagami-kun, I have something that may interest you. Please stand closer." L chews on his thumb, lifeless eyes looking thoughtful.

Raito is piqued. A new development? How did that happen? Anyway, he takes his place beside L. The Death Note has been laid open to show the final entry. A chill runs through Raito. _Shit, the day is correct, but the hour is off! _The accursed dead man had to leave a mess. _You jackass, trying to act smart and filled in a time! Who did you think you were?_ The last death had occurred at nighttime. This fact would surface eventually when all data pertinent to Higuchi needs to be sifted and processed. He needs damage control. Just then, a vision of something pale floats past the corner of his eye.

"AAHHHH!" Matsuda lets out an effeminate shriek, effective in curding one's blood. He shrivels into a ball at the corner of the sofa, mouth agape.

_Rem!_ Raito has never been so pleased at the appearance of this particular shinigami, who has threatened his life to protect Misa. This stupid loyalty might just prove to be useful.

"It makes perfect sense." L's dull eyes shift to land on the pale skeleton apparition. Its one yellow eye bores into this fearless human with little interest. Loose gauze has wrapped around its other eye and floats around in random places. "As Kira has ceased to exist, it is only logical that the creature linked to the notebook should return to its physical location."

The room is silent. The death of Higuchi has been a hard fact preset in time. Nevertheless, it still causes a mild shock to the team, yet leaving the two geniuses unaffected.

"Is it not so, shinigami?" L directs the question at the unnamed creature, though he has already drawn a conclusion on his own.

"I do not need to explain myself to you, human." The raspy voice fills the room, touching those hearing it for the first time with a light taste of cold death.

Raito turns around in slow motions, his deep brown eyes disturbed, his jaws moving as if to speak but no words flow out. The others should see him as being frightened rather than worried about the Death Note ownership. The square piece of paper nestles safely in his stomach to ensure constant contact to fulfill the transfer criteria. _L did not have the notebook in his hands when Higuchi died. I'm sure of it._

"Ah yes. Yagami-kun, this is the shinigami that was present during Higuchi's arrest. It should be your first time meeting the creature, if I remember correctly." Raito does not take the bait.

"I have a name, human. It's Rem."

"My apologies, Rem-san."

The team avoids looking at Rem, except L. He is unafraid, curious even. It's more than a side effect of his profession. The drive to uncover the truth, the thirst to solve mysteries. He starts to raise questions about the Death Note. Rem responds vaguely, mostly with 'I don't know', which doesn't lead to any real progress. The detective nods knowingly, understanding its reluctance to speak, probably for the reason that the creature could only answer to the notebook owner, and that in turn already tells L he is not the owner. He has a fleeting urge to pass the questioning task to Raito, to whom Rem will certainly have no choice but to give explicit details, since he should be the owner by default because of the paper he has swallowed this morning. Surprisingly, Raito takes that into his own hands without prompting.

"Rem, Ryuuzaki was asking about the ability to learn a stranger's name. Let me rephrase it this way – did or did Higuchi not obtain the said ability while he was in his vehicle before his capture? We all heard he said something about a deal."

"True. He did."

"There is no time constrains and it can be done anywhere?"

"Only for the notebook holder."

"I suppose you can't divulge the specifics about this deal."

Rem's one yellow eye connects with deep brown ones warily. He is the one to initiate the topic, now he wants silence. _Why are you doing this, Yagami?_ "Only for the notebook holder." The shinigami says no more.

It is true then. This unique ability enabled the second Kira to kill with ease. Seeing the face and ascertaining the person's name simultaneously, all within the blink of an eye. In exchange, there must be something to compensate for this unearthly gain. Something that normal people would think twice about. Some kind of sacrifice? If Raito could give up this something, he wouldn't need the second Kira. That is the only reason they stay together. Poor Misa. She would do anything for love. L ponders, little pieces of puzzles falling in place like snowflakes.

"Matsuda, could you please pour me a cup of coffee? I believe there's a whole pot of it at the pantry."

The named man grumbles about wanting to offer real help and comments quietly on how Watari could do that instead.

"Watari is on an errand for me. Yes, the coffee is very important. Do not underestimate the impact you have on this world." The tone is too serious to allow room for wisecracking, if someone happens to have any in mind.

_An errand? At this critical moment? It must be a task that could not wait. An assignment weighty enough to call for the physical presence of the old man with his numerous skills. What could that be? Higuchi has just died.._ Raito reflects thoughtfully.

"Is this about Misa?" Rem should be most interested.

"Why yes. I have instructed Watari to set up surveillance at Misa-san's apartment, exactly as he did with your house, Yagami-kun."

"Your suspicions have no grounds." From the corner of his eye, Raito could see Rem fading into a wall, leaving the room. He keeps his face stoic to suppress a smirk. Of course, the shinigami will see to it that Misa is protected at all costs. _Victory is mine._

x x x x

Misa is completely clueless on what to do next. She dares not call Raito, lest she ruins his plans. Higuchi should be dead by now. It's been almost half an hour since she wrote his name on the paper. She contemplates on how far apart she should stage the next death. It may raise many eyebrows if Raito's enemy falls dead too soon after Higuchi.

She studies the image on her cell phone. The picture of all three of them together at the party, almost drunken beyond recognition, at the most scandalous position she has ever experienced while clothed. Her cheeks flush hotly. She remembers too well of the surreal evening. The craziness. The merriment. The sweet tenderness of Ryuuzaki when he gave her the coin.

He is a nobody to her. He should be a nobody. Yet he has appreciated her talents as a professional model. Shown her respect. Offered her friendship. Given her genuine smiles. _If Raito could... no no no... Raito will finally love Misa when the detective disappears from the scene._ She knows it. She has faith in Raito. She is forever thankful to Kira.

Trying to calm her own anxiety, the petite blonde focuses on her devotion to Kira. Whatever it is that Raito asks of her, she cannot hesitate. He is her god. His words are absolute. Misa gives herself a small, yet solid, nod to affirm her resolution. Her eyes follow the letters floating above Ryuuzaki's head once again. Though the image is small, the words are sharp. At least he has used part of his real name to identify himself. Pathetic man. He _really_ is L.

x x x x

Watari clutches at his chest painfully. He is not aware of any heart attack history in his family. In fact, he has been in such excellent health that during an annual medical examination, his doctor had joked about how he would put the medical industry out of business if he doesn't get sick once in a while. He reaches into his coat pocket for his cell phone and presses a button. _Ryuuzaki is in danger!_

He is perhaps ten paces away from Misa's apartment complex. Her windows face the opposite street and he has diverted his route to beyond her peripheral vision, should she look out from her apartment. Therefore, it is impossible for her to learn of his unexpected arrival.

"Ryuu...zaakiii.." The name is barely audible, though his tone expresses his final message clear enough. He never calls L during his assignments. Their seamless communication throughout the years is at a telepathic level that any one word uttered pretty much conveys the whole story. He hears a sharp inhale of breath on the other end and is relieved. He depresses the emergency buckle on his belt to broadcast his physical location, though he has no doubt L knows where he is. He manages to input a series of numerial commands on his phone to initiate the remote deletion of all data in their investigation centre, a protocol that they have agreed upon at the beginning of the Kira case, in the event that his life is somehow compromised.

_I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki. I have failed you._ He crawls to a secluded spot among the neatly manicured bushes next to the entrance and awaits for death that seems like a salvation to his current agony.

x x x x

Rem floats past the still body of Watari. Though the shinigami is female, her feeling of love for the human girl has developed to the point that whenever she attempts to save the girl, she will cease to exist. That is one of the unbendable rules of being a shinigami. Yet she knows where the heart of the problem is and the only way to ensure a safe future for Misa is to eliminate the man with the false name. She saw the old man making contact to warn the other off and she must act quickly.

That is the exact path the Yagami boy has schemed for all along. What does Misa see in him? He doesn't deserve her. _Damn him! Damn him to Hell!_ Rem chuckles suddenly. _No, he can't even go to Hell._

_Misa..._ The pale skeleton figure hovers at the rooftop, above the blonde's apartment, dematerilizes as she writes one final name. _Misa..I wish you a happy life._

White sand scatters. The light winter breeze carries parts of Rem throughout the morning sky of Tokyo.

x x x x

The main room actually darkens from the blank screens that are usually vibrant, displaying a blinking message in red at the centre of each one - ALL DATA DELETION. Shock registers on everyone's face. Silence is all around. L's black eyes grow rounder than ever. He has crushed a chocolate centered panda cookie between his thumb and index finger. The cell phone held precariously by two fingers on his other hand starts to slip. The line is long dead, as certain as he is of the fate of his old partner. Many calculations and scenerios run through his head like a merry-go-around. They all arrive at the same unpleasant conclusion.

**ALL DATA DELETION..** Crimson text. Blinking. Sinister intonation. Like a flat line on the heart rate monitor.

That could only mean one thing.

The cell phone clatters onto the floor in the stricken room while L's eyes grow rounder still.

x x x x

Misa lets out a breath that she hasn't realized she has been holding. A pen rolls off her lap, released from trembling fingers as she fights to stay calm. _It is alright. It will be alright. Raito is there. Raito will be there for Misa._

The accursed name stares back at her from the paper, mocking her one-sided fantasy. She could see the face of the soon-to-be-dead individual like a watermark floating on the paper and is overcome by a wave of hopeless sorrow. A tear rolls off to mar her smooth cheek. She is only acting out of love. She will do anything for love. She is never that naive to believe in free lunches. In order to gain something, one ought to offer something in return. Like her conscience. _Raito will love Misa. He said so in the letter._

The petite girl is spooked by the sound of an object hitting the floor outside. She jerks her head in the direction of the balcony. A black notebook is there, with a heap of powdery material decorating the book cover like icing sugar sprinkled on a dark chocolate cake. The image brings an avalanche of fresh tears washing downwards beyond her control.

x x x x

L feels the pain radiating outwards from his chest. He has tumbled sideways from his customary perch on the swivel chair, with Raito catching his fall in an instant. He recalls a similar incident from the monitoring of Higuchi, the difference being he was alive and kicking back then. Both young men are on the floor, with Raito cuddling L's upper torso in a firm hold. Further pain stabs at him, from his current physical condition, from the memories of some forgotten moments.

_They kissed. They parted. The beautiful face smiled at him, enticing him to think fairytales do exist._

I wished to believe.

_"We are in this together."_

I believed you, when you were yourself.

_"I've missed you. It's been lonely without you around."_

Come on. I'm certain Kira is too preoccupied killing people to have spare time feeling lonely.

_"Arghhh! I've had enough! Why can't you trust me?" They fought._

Trust is a thing to be earned, but not through violence. Raito, give me a good reason to trust you.

_"Ryuuzaki, do keep your distance. The human heart is most vulnerable to all sorts of elements." The genial face of the old man was animated for a split second, parental concern shining through._

I know, Watari, I know. It was rather unexpected.

_"I'm not Kira!"_

I've heard it all, Raito. You were most convincing at some times, before, when you were yourself.

_"Do you believe in miracles?"_

I believe in science.

_"Death Note is a miracle. Kira is the one that executes the miracle."_

Bringing death is not a miracle. Bringing life is.

Life is seeping away in slow motion. The very opposite of creation. This is not a miracle. L's vision whitens. His oxygen deprived bloodstreams cannot bring him the much needed glucose. His breathing doesn't help much. His heart has stopped for some seconds now. It is strange to feel so quiet. His own stillness magnifies the pulsating veins of Raito's arms around him, the rise and fall of the other's chest, his beating heart against him. L attempts to peer at the familiar face looming above.

Raito smirks in triumph, his face is below everyone's eyelevel. Even the cameras have their blind spots, unless L has started to plant them on the floor.

L cannot discern the expression on that face. He assumes it is a smile. A smile to tell him it is alright? Or a smile to send him off as planned? He is 100 percent certain Raito did not know his name, though to how many percentages he is involved in this incident, he refuses to analyze at this moment. It doesn't offset the outcome so it's pointless. It is an unintelligent move to have him die in this building anyway. The failsafe device Watari has set up ensures a prompt report of his fate to the relevant party. His successor will learn of how only a handful of people are possibly related to his death and will find a way to pinpoint the identity of Kira. _It is an obvious trail, Raito._

L becomes motionless. The pain doesn't affect him much. His eyes stare wide, fighting to draw in whatever image they can before.. He remembers wondering if he would shrivel and die with no one on his side. Now he has his answer. He is not sorry. He is not afraid of dying. If he had been given the chance to redo everything, he might have taken the same path. Under any other circumstance, they would not have met. That would have been the greatest loss.

Raito has shown him a taste of the rainbow, the kaleidoscopic aspects of life. His existence has suddenly been highlighted with many different colors, where only a dull shade of gray was all there was. The times spent with Raito have been most rewarding. To have each other, those weeks are enough.

_Raito, my only regret is that I haven't been able to stop you personally. Somehow, you have become my world. I love everything about you, though I cannot concur with your evil side. There is a dark side to all of us, including myself. I do not know if the supernatural notebook is warping your sense of morality and making you unable to control yourself. Nevertheless, we are conscious beings responsible for our own actions. A world with Kira is a world diseased and that is no longer a question of right or wrong.._

His only regret? No. Many more. They haven't spent Valentine's together. It is a special day dedicated to lovers, is it not? They have missed Halloween. Candies. Chocolates! They haven't flown to Paris. There is this cake shop owner at a side street that has learned his favorites by heart. Raito might just discover the delight in the delicate art of desserts. They haven't went to the beach. Well, he isn't particularly fond of the sun but a person has got to try something once, just as he has dared to love Raito. He wants to take Raito everywhere.. if only they had a future together.

It is becoming colder. His extremities beyond Raito's reach yearn for that embrace, yet he is unable to squeeze into a tight ball for the warmth. _Is this the end? What lies beyond?_

Faintness. Whiteness. The struggle to stay alert fails. Those obsidian orbs lose their usual luster and close gradually. L can see Raito's beautiful face better under closed eyelids, for he has drunk in the elegant outline of him day after day, memorizing every possible expression he can have, every gesture he can make. The pale face is serene as the pleasant scent of Raito sneaks in for one last time to drug his brain in one final cognizant thought.

_"I love you, L."_

As do I, Raito, as do I. Farewell, my beloved.

Triumph and surprise long gone, the brunet looks at the still face of L. He has closed his eyelids, looking quite peaceful. _I should do something._ He starts shaking the detective.

"Oi, wake up, Ryuuzaki!"

* * *

_Note:_ Hai, I know. Been over 2 months. I had half the chapter ready sitting there for a month and couldn't think. Then I went on a vacation. Yes, throw me rotten eggs or whatever for having things going like that. Just finished this today and thought I should post it asap. Again, I may edit something (sigh.. for better or for worse). I hope this isn't turning out too badly. Thank you all for the reviews and support.

-M.H., Dec 5, 2007

(Dec 6 & 7) Done with some additions and minor editing. Seems like many expect L to live on in my story. Well, to tell you the truth, I've had this planned months in advance. Same with the coming chapters so I'm better prepared than the rest of you, obviously. The last 2 chapters will be completely unrelated to each other but they do connect to this one. That's the biggest hint I could give, in case you're interested. Later!


	21. Ending I: Fate

_Note:_ ...my apologies. It's been almost -two- years, I know. Hopefully, this will not become a waste of your time. It is a gloomy chapter, you may skip to the next one if you wish. The next chapter is actually another ending to the story, completely unrelated. That's just like having option 1 or option 2. Enjoy!

* * *

_Ending I: Fate_

The world is a blur. The fact that L is no longer in the way is jubilating beyond belief. Yet there is a type of pain that goes with it. It is like the first breath drawn after being held underwater against one's will, just before the person passes into unconsciousness. It is sweet air and burning lungs, wanting to laugh and cry at the same instant.

L's warm body is still held tightly in Raito's arms. He is definitely not moving. Raito is howling in sadistic ecstasy, though others deem him as losing control.

"Ryuuzaki! Wake up! Ryuuzaki! No!"

Of course, no words from the detective for he has passed beyond the world of the living. Those long dark lashes lay serenely against his pale cheeks, eyes closed in a rare projection of a deep slumber. The calm face. In eternal peace. Even in his final moment, L has defied Kira in appearing to be asleep and not demising in the painful death that had been dealt to him unexpectedly; nevertheless, he had seen it coming and it was all a matter of timing.

"Ahh! No!" Raito continues his despicable charade, shamelessly holding the still body. "We could be next!"

Matsuda slips and falls while backing away rapidly in terror, crossing his arms over his skull as if that would offer a magical protection against all evil. The faces of the other men visibly pale upon hearing the unfounded assumption.

The ominous line of red text continues to blink while the men count their forty seconds in mute panic. Nothing happens. Are they safe for now?

Raito has his jaws locked, to keep away inappropriate expressions. He lets a measured amount of controlled fury to enter his words as he speaks, "I will not rest until I have Kira in my hands, to avenge Ryuuzaki's death, and for all he has done.."

The student bows his head solemnly as he gently lays L's unmoving form on the floor. He takes both of his bony wrists and arranges his cool hands over his silent heart. It may seem like a touching gesture, but in fact, it is only to make sure the detective is truly dead.

In a low voice, the youth throws out an empty promise, "Rest well, my friend. We will all commit ourselves towards bringing Kira to justice. You can be sure of it."

The supposedly dejected youth stands up slowly to face the rest of the investigation team with an inscrutable expression. Anger? Sadness? Determination? A mixture of all and something more. He has just lost a friend that had been literally inseparable for the past few months. How should one react to that? He is too young and sheltered to be personally involved in such an event. Feeling the life seeping out of someone.. not just someone.. L.. a person he has cared for and even loved. He has allowed this to happen.

_I didnot write his name._ Raito denies the guilt that threatens to march in. He is within a bubble that feels nothing and he desperately holds on, afraid to slip, afraid to feel. Kira doesn't slip. Kira is god. He should be able to control everything, right? The imaginery bubble is shielding him, barring his wavering emotions from advancing. He is cold and blank inside. L has taken the warmth from him. The loss eventually manifests its unwelcome presence on his face.

That is why Yagami-san doesn't object when his son suggests quite strongly that they should search Misa's apartment immediately, to fulfill Ryuuzaki's last standing request. Searching any premises without a warrant is illegal. Since he is no longer with the police, he figures they could bend around the rules. Surprisingly, Aizawa-san agrees to the search as well. Actually seeing a victim a few feet away can change someone's perception completely.

They discover Watari's cold body at the front walkway of the apartment complex, partially hidden among the green bushes. A cell phone is in a death grip within his fist. His grimace has been etched permanently onto his pale face. It mustn't have been very pleasant when he drew his last breath. It is a puzzle then why Ryuuzaki should appear so natural in his eternal sleep. Raito wonders about it too.

The doorbell sings. Misa tenses. There is nothing scheduled in the morning. Who would be looking for her this early? When a muffled voice rings out from the front door, she bounces up with over brimming joy. It's her love coming to visit!

She throws on a bathrobe and checks the mirror for her pretty reflection. She must appear the best for him. After picking up an item from her vanity table, she heads out to the hallway and hesitates when she hears other low voices mingled beyond the front door.

Cautiously, she peers through the hole of the door to see everyone there, minus Ryuuzaki. That means Raito's plan is working!

"Raito! Misa Misa has missed you!" The team enters without preamble and the blonde model has clung herself onto the annoyed brunet. His annoyance transforms to astonishment as her arms slither around inside his jacket to touch his back. The others barely pay them much attention. This is an everyday occurrence of Misa moments when Raito is around.

"Misa, not now." Raito commands sternly as he disengages from the suffocating embrace. "We have important work to do."

"Misa Misa is _not_ important?" The girl pouts, hurt that he is ignoring her significance, after what she has done for him. Ryuuzaki-san is out of the picture, don't they have more time together now?

"Well, we have _more_ important matters on hand. Kira might be striking again. Both Ryuuzaki and Watari..."

Misa's eyes widen in genuine surprise. She thought she would have to put on her professional acting skills. Watari too? The implication is simple and she suddenly realizes the magnitude of the mysterious appearance of an unknown Death Note at her balcony floor. Who else could have sought out a true name of a man besides those with the power of the Eyes? Tears come unbidden again, just as they did earlier this morning.

"Listen to me, Misa. We are going to search your apartment. It is just a standard procedure. You have nothing to hide so there is nothing to worry about."

Misa nods wordlessly, still submerged in guilty sorrow.

Painstakingly, they cover the rooms and hallways inch by inch, looking in all possible places, searching at impossible locations. Misa owns loads of fashion magazines and it has taken them nearly an hour just to skim through them for the black notebook. They even squint at the ceiling for any incriminating signs of recent cover ups. Nothing.

At late afternoon, their full attention is turned to Misa. She is still in her lacy lingerie and bathrobe.

"I suppose we need to search you, Misa."

"Are you doing the searching, Raito?" The blonde crosses her arms uneasily. She is the only female here..

"No, I can't. My words will be biased because of my relationship to you." Misa feels warm and cold at the same time. Warm because he openly admits they are a couple and cold when that implies he is willing to let another man paw on her. Is this what it means to love a god?

Being her former manager, Matsuda has an extraordinary display of a sliver of brilliance, condensed into one sentence: "Misa Misa can wear her bikinis, just like in that photoshoot!"

Others murmur their agreement. It is strictly business, of course.

To prevent Misa from concealing whatever it is she has on her body inside a thoroughly searched room, thus ruining their efforts, Raito accompanies Matsuda to her bedroom to retrieve the proper attire and some towels for her.

Misa is going to strip in the living room. The arrangement is to have full-length towels draping around her like one of those changing closets in a boutique shop while she sheds her own clothing to put on the bikinis. The men would have their backs to her and bending their arms over their shoulders to hold the towels.

This is all for show, obviously. The switch was already completed at the beginning of their visit.

"Misa Misa is all done!" The girl finally announces, already striking a charming pose when the men-circle breaks away.

The aquamire bikinis set compliments her blonde hair and fair creamy skin. The afternoon sun gives a golden hue wherever it lands on her through the slits in the window curtains. She twirls around gracefully, showing there is no possible way to hide a notebook on her.

Raito bends to retrieve her clothing one by one, ensuring everyone is witnessing every move he has made. No notebook.

"This apartment has been combed through, literally. Death Note is not found. Misa was not informed of our visit. Where else could she hide it? Ryuuzaki's hypothesis is inconclusive. The stubborn man.."

The others can sense Raito's focus dispersing into another dimension. He doesn't space out like that. Yagami-san is rather concerned. It must be too much. A friend (and lover) has just died and with a girlfriend on the black list..

"Let's go home, Raito. Misa has been proven innocent once more."

That is precisely what Raito has been waiting for. To conclude the search on his own would no doubt raise questions and challenges to his authority. Who better to nail the coffin than the former police chief? No more suspicions thrown in his way. He has had enough with L.

"I wish to be alone, Father. I will return to the building. To refocus and to salvage the remaining documents for reorganizing our data." Those deep brown eyes look lost. "I need to carry on where Ryuuzaki left off. We all need to.."

The melancholic mood of the lone genius affects them all. They are silent for a minute.

"We are always here for you, Raito. Remember that." The father feels helpless. If Raito needs to work to distract himself from the pain, then that is the only support he could give.

Even Misa is strangely amendable today. She doesn't protest when the group leaves. As one last hope, she gazes longingly at Raito, who barely looks at her when they shut the door.

Outside, they fight against the cooling air of a November evening. Families coming home. Couples going out. Children playing hide-and-seek. It is an innocent Sunday. A restful day. A sad day for all of humanity.

x x x x

Yagami-san has insisted on accompanying Raito on his return trip to their investigation building. More minutes wasted, though Raito doesn't mind the acting. He is the perfect son, so he will continue to show perfection.

Alone at last, he enters the main room to switch off the power, to extinguish the headache-inducing lines of blinking red text. He sits in L's chair, swiveling about in thoughtless silence.

After the initial shock this morning, the team had decided it wasn't a good idea to call the police. It would be dangerous to announce to the world that L is dead. He might be the only being capable of curbing Kira's unorthodox actions, to a certain extent if not to the entirety. That was fine with Raito, since he had the intention to take over the investigation once and for all.

What to do then with the body?

They used the food storage freezer. Those commercial walk-in types, good for food, good for bodies too. L had an insatiable appetite for sweet things. There were mountains of containers, hundreds of cartons, all storing frozen desserts ready to be served at the snap of his fingers (or a push to an intercom button).

Seeing that the shelves were freshly stocked, they had no choice but to let him lie on the floor. It was morbidly fitting, to be surrounded by his favorites. He didn't need flowers. Ice-creams, sorbets, he liked them all. What better to bide him a final farewell than his sweet food? Raito had a horrible time containing his chuckle when that dreadfully amusing thought suddenly crossed his mind, back at the freezer. But he did, without even lifting a muscle on his face.

The room feels empty. The building feels empty. His heart feels empty. Where is the glory? Has L taken it with him?

It is the first night without L, in all senses. This skyscraper might be constructed under L's instructions and, in essence, should be considered _his_, though when the host is no longer in the centre of it, all that remains is a hollow shell. It is a lifeless building.

Funny that all those weeks he had taken the detective's presence for granted that tonight, of all nights, Raito is missing his company. Very much so.

Perhaps it is not a wise decision to return to this cold building. He should have taken his father's advice and went home. To be around people that care about him. He needs love too, does he not?

_Wait, Kira needs love? No, Kira is God. God can control everything. _Perhaps not right now, he is simply in a transitional phase. Soon, very soon.

**_Click. Clickclick. Click. Click. Clickclickclick. _**

_Who's typing? _

He is. On eerie automation, his fingers continue to tap on random keys. It used to be rather maddening, when it was L typing. The noise is now a soothing distraction. The room is too quiet. His heart too empty. Only he doesn't realize.

**_Clickclick. Click. Click._**

Raito stops, aghast at his pointless action. _What the hell am I doing? _

He chuckles for no reason. The volume grows until his mirthless laughter echoes off the steel walls, his abdomen aching, his breaths lacking. His lashes are wet with the force of his empty laughter. The moistness increases to form larger drops. He is silent when the mounting pools of water spill down at last.

Grief catches up like a viscous puddle of black oil. Dark, uncomfortable, suffocating. The imaginary bubble is just that, imaginary. It was nothing to begin with so he has nothing to hold on to. The magnitude of the irrevocable loss surprises him, crushing the breath that he has been holding. Staggering pain pierces through, creating a lumpy throat and supplies of unshed tears.

Raito starts to rest his cheek on the table surface, only to jerk up before actually making contact. This is the exact spot he had successfully seduced L under a week ago. He feels nauseous.

_Be practical, Raito! What do you hope to accomplish? The roadblock is gone. Move it! _Kira speaks.

He cannot. He is trapped in a human body. Limited with a human brain. Bound by human emotions. Prior to meeting L, Kira had Raito under total control. An innocent boy trying to save the world. A juvenile ambition. He is not doing this for his own gain.

Now, there's no gain but a dead lover.

_There is a gain. Trust from the team. It is everything to further your goal. All resources at your disposal. Use them well to direct, or misdirect, for the sake of all humanity. _Kira advises.

Did L have to die?

_You and I both know. He had to. He was a distraction. You had had your fun. Now back to business._ Kira chastises.

Raito has a headache. The day is wearing him down. He needs to rest.

He walks the familiar hallways, lonely stretches of them painted with memories of yesterdays. There is a particular conversation snapshot that is still fresh in his mind.

_"It is child's play, really." L stated in a bored tone. _

_Raito saw red. _How dare L belittle his noble mission!

_"Yagami-kun, if you delve deeper into it, all that has been going on is name writing and people dying. It is a nuisance that gives no mental satisfaction. Any individual capable of copying letters and characters can have the job." _

_"Not any individual. No. Having the wrong names can have dire consequences. A strong sense of justice is a prerequisite." _

_"Ah, and can this sense of justice be replicated perfectly? Perhaps onto the second Kira?" L swept his thumb across his lower lip in that infuriating manner. _

_"With supervision…" _

_"But Kira is only human." The detective interrupted blandly. "Surely a deity cannot be caught and is therefore beyond our reach, whereas Kira is physically present in our world with the Death Note as the means of control. Mortals have a limited lifespan. Suppose Kira rules the world, how long would this supervision last? Kira obviously trusts no one but himself. Who would carry on the legacy? Without a doubt, such unnatural power can easily corrupt one's mind, persuading misuse. Who could act as an eternal guardian? Generations of Kira?" _

_"The world should be cleansed by then." Raito supposed he should be efficient enough to have the world in an orderly fashion and on autopilot by the time he grows old. _

L said nothing afterwards. That was unusual. He started it and Raito had expected him to slip in a last word.

He will ask L the next time…

_L is dead. Oh. _

He stumbles blindly into the bedroom. _Their_ bedroom. And he is comforted by the presence of the dark-haired man. He is blanketed by the strong scent of L. And of his own.

Raito frowns. _The man is gone, stop imagining him!_ He blinks. The plates of cakes and the cup of tea should be served fresh every evening, not scattering on the tea table like that. Their sheets. Still the same ones from last night. No wonder it smells like him. Obviously, Watari wasn't available to tidy up the room.

_Never mind. It hurts to think. I need rest. _

x x x x

"L? Is that you?"

Silence and darkness.

"Is someone here?"

Raito swears he saw a shadow moving beneath the gap of the bedroom door. He is intrigued rather than worried. Despite the deletion of every single byte from the mainframe, the security system remains unscathed. Of course L would have enough sense to run these two critical systems separately. Whoever is inside the building must be a mutual friend if the nighttime intrusion failed to set off the alarm.

The desire to sleep wears off as he pokes his head out to the hallway. The lights are not even on. After midnight, the hallway lights are activated by ways of motion sensors. When a certain period of inactivity is reached, the power is shut off until the next movement is detected.

No one is here but him. _Was I hallucinating?_ _Hold on, L is here too._

Raito's legs carry him to a spot that he dreads but cannot resist visiting. The frozen tomb. His feet lead him there minutes later. His pale blue pajamas offer very little protection from the freezing environment. Goosebumps are everywhere, pulling his skin tight. He starts shaking. From the cold? Possibly more than that. Still, he moves closer to L.

The youth kneels beside the detective, a flood of bottled up feelings is tumbling loose. He had remained stoic for the day, too occupied with acting the innocent he pretended to be. Raito breaks away from Kira's iron clasp and flings himself onto the rigid body, shaking some more as tears swell up around his sorrowful eyes. Tears of loss. Tears of hopelessness.

"L, what will I do without you?" Raito whispers, willing the addressed man to answer him. Delusional wishing. His logical side screams at him to stop the boy-losing-puppy-love nonsense.

_Damn you for resting, when I need you the most right now._ His silent wailing continues, chest heaving with every cold breath, mourning at a future without L.

_L, I've hated you. Yes, I did. You see, you could never trust me when I was telling the truth. You were cocky in believing in your inane theories, holding onto them like diamonds, dismissing facts you deemed of no import. Facts that could readily turn your precious diamonds into nothingness. I've hated you for what you've done to me. How could somebody sane resort to those kinds of methods to force a confession out of an innocent? I curse you to Hell._

He draws a shuddering breath. His heated outburst warming him, numbing him from the freezing air. Wisps of steam are dissipating from his skin.

_But you know what, L? I rather enjoyed your company. All my life, I haven't felt the same connection with other people like I did with you. With a word, a look, we'd be thinking the same thing. Only you could understand me so completely. So, you are my first true friend, in a sense. You can do what they are not capable of, and something more. Way beyond my expectations. Beyond my dreams. I actually felt alive!_

He buries his face in the soft white sweatshirt and rubs his cheeks against it, helpless. The garment is absorbing his warmth, causing him to imagine the body underneath is warm as well. The cotton wipes his tears away, consoling him the only way it could.

_I'm uncertain when it all began. I started to care, which is something I rarely do, and with it came a foreign feeling, a feeling of being 'happy' where you were involved. Maybe the sex started it. Maybe it's those damned syndromes of being cuffed to you. Whatever it was, it grew the more I tried to suppress it. It took my last ounce of courage to make that confession. I was still struggling with the word 'love'. But you wouldn't know now, would you?_

"Would you?" The brunet lifts his head, bites back a sob and, on a childish impulse, imprints his warm lips against cold ones, wishing the other man were merely sleeping. He touches the wild nest of raven hair, now the softest part of the man. "I..."

A searing migraine sets in. He has been crying too hard while trying to hold it in. With the many degrees difference in temperature, the chilly air aggravates his symptom, the cold invading, seeping into him. His trembling worsens. Even though he wants to hold on to L, he must leave. It wouldn't do to have the team discovering two corpses in the freezer come morning.

Outside, the air is uncomfortably warm. Burning. He is practically defrosting. He rubs at his temples on his way to the bedroom, hoping to soothe the abused nerves, to coax them into a more peaceful state. It does feel better.

As he sinks into the bed, he vaguely muses he simply had to see L before he could sleep well. It has become a habit. Though he had been alone in the bed before, he has somewhat grown fond of being in the presence of the detective in the evening, like listening to a bedtime story. Otherwise, the day wouldn't be complete.

_Goodnight, my love._ He drifts off into dreamland, discarding all chaotic thoughts into a dark corner of his mind, to be sorted out the next time he awakes. Kira lurks, waiting, aiming for an opportunity to take over, once and for all.

x x x x

Raito sits up in bed, holding a plastic pack in his hands. The one that Misa gave him when she embraced him that morning prior to the search at her apartment. At least she had enough sense to tuck it in securely at his back before letting go.

The pack is transparent, the type that has a strip of adhesive on the edge that can wrap up a new magazine. There is a loose handful of white powdery substance at the bottom, along with a book identical in size and color with his Death Note. Its cover is plain, pure black. No fancy letters to announce its nature.

His hands tremble in perverse excitement. He realizes this is Rem's notebook. It must contain L's true name. _The shinigami was destroyed. That makes sense, for both Watari and L to.._

The cameras are not recording. The system has yet to be reprogrammed. He could use this time to start writing names. _What's stopping me? Who can stop me? I'm in control now. Total control._

Raito returns the pack under his pillow, almost reverently. His burning desire to learn L's name has vanished completely. Let the man remain an enigmatic letter. To dwell too much on it would drive someone mad. Kira wants Raito to remain as sane as possible.

It is almost time for their gathering. It has become meaningless, to him anyway, unlike their previously relentless pursue for justice. _I will give meaning to it soon._

The young man walks the lonely hallways once more, only this time he knows he would not be greeted by a certain someone. His leaden heart feels nothing. There is a curious apathy to his senses, as if the molten lava from the outburst of that fateful day has reached the surface, cooling rapidly to form a hard crust.

With Mogi's assistance, Raito works to set up the system from square one. It has been impossible to recover the deleted data. L was too smart to leave a loophole. Everything is lost forever. Just like L. Raito has lost him forever. He can detect a noticeable detachment to reality. His limbs are on automation as he fiddles here and there with experienced touches. _I'm here but I'm not here. Where am I?_

"..to? Raito? Are you okay?" Matsuda is accustomed to talking to thin air, yet even he knows this is beyond the normal kind of being ignored. "We are ordering lunch. Do you want anything?"

_Wake up, Raito. You are the perfect boy genius. Stay that way._ Kira nudges. The brunet smiles at Matsuda and declines politely, then he lists an agenda and what each person's tasks are for the next few days, to recover the data and to further the investigation with a fresh start. The team is amazed at his calm composure, compared to yesterday. The men discuss amongst themselves quietly before Yagami-san approaches Raito with a heavy look.

"Raito, it may be a little early. However, it is crucial to have someone leading this investigation. We cannot let the world know L is..no longer with us." The former chief appears uncomfortable as he chooses his words carefully, "Raito, act in L's place. We are certain that would've been what he had wanted. No one else understands him or thinks like him better than you do."

_Excellent! The corrupted world awaits your healing touch, Raito. Don't let your people wait too long._ Kira whispers.

It has been a few weeks since the last Kira victim had turned up. What is a few days more? Raito struggles without success against this all powerful presence within him. A presence that had kept him amused when he was consumed by boredom. He had felt invincible back then. He was able to crush those who had escaped the legal loopholes. It was all very agreeable, back then.

Raito floats through the remaining afternoon in a logical haze, directing and answering everything with intelligent nonsense. He is worn out by his internal conflict. He is impatient for evening to arrive.

x x x x

_The room is nondescript due to the dim lighting. However, there is a particularly bright nimbus at a corner of the room. As if showcasting a guest in a talk show, the spotlight shines on a familiar figure in an armchair. _

_"Ryuuzaki?"_

_"Why so sad, Raito-kun?" The pale man is sincerely concerned as he crouches in the chair, palms on raised knees, a white chin resting on top. "Is this not what you have always wanted?"_

_Raito rotates his head sideways and reaches out hesitant fingers to touch the nest of wild black hair. It feels real. He traces his forefinger at the outer shell of a perky ear._

_"Stop it please. You know perfectly well what that does to me." The husky voice sends delightful shivers down Raito's spine._

_"And you know perfectly well why I'm doing it." Raito murmurs as he adds his tongue to assist his finger. After a while, he sits back to admire his handiwork._

_"Raito-kun.." Those soulful dark eyes are larger than usual, drowning Raito in their depths and beauty. "Why are you doing it?" _

_That is a double-edged question and it sinks a cold blade in his hot desire..his vision wavers.._

Raito breathes hard as he awakes. He is coated with sweat, causing his pajamas to stick to him. He groans when he takes the sleepwear off. The cottony friction sends a pleasant current down his throbbing crotch. _Ryuuzaki.._

He has made a visit to the freezing room before he went to bed, feeling content after seeing him again. Now his mind is bursting to the brim with thoughts of him. It seems that he is immune to missing the man during daytime. There is no explanation. As the day progresses, there is a tightness in his chest. Is it heartache? It is at night that he is most vulnerable, all this pent up energy would drain him, leaving him exhausted and craving for oblivion to claim him. He rocks his hips against the blanket, trying to release the tension and get back to sleep. Enjoyable as it is, fatigue catches up and he cannot distinguish which event comes first.

_They come together, flushed skins slick with sweat. Ryuuzaki drapes a wiry leg over Raito's narrow hips, spooning him closer in his embrace. His hot breaths tickle the youth's earlobe. His possessive hold brings a satisfied smile to Raito's face._

_"Ryuuzaki, I'm not going anywhere."_

_"I know. Besides, you cannot hide from me. Wherever you are, I can find you." The teasing tone. Ryuuzaki is in a playful mood._

_"You sound very dangerous."_

_"Raito-kun is more dangerous." _

_"Is that so?"_

_"I know so." The playfulness is gone. There is a sad edge to the softly spoken words._

_"Why so sad, Ryuuzaki?" A feeling of déjà vu washes over Raito._ Didn't Ryuuzaki ask him the same question before?

_"You know the reason."_

_"I don't."_

_"Always playing games, Raito-kun."_

_"Whatever are you talking about, Ryuuzaki?"_

_"No matter. Raito-kun still has my affection, for as long as he wishes to have it." His arms surround Raito in a vice like grip before the pressure disappears all together._

_A black void consumes the brunet. The warmth is replaced with coldness. He shivers not only from the cold, but from the feeling of eternal loss. Ryuuzaki is no longer with him. He reaches out blindly, to grasp at whatever his hands come in contact with.._

Raito opens his eyes when his arms twist in the blanket that is a messy bunch next to him. His naked body continues to tremble from the cool air. It is dawn. He sits up and drapes the blanket over his shoulders. He can feel the stiff texture at a particular spot. _Oh that. So it was more than a dream._

_Did you enjoy the dream? It was hot and wet, wasn't it? _Kira pauses. _Are you ready to save the world today, Raito? _

_What? This presence is controlling my dreams as well?_

_Such ungratefulness, Raito. What presence? I am a reflection of you. Without you, I don't exist. We have been the best of friends back then, remember? You and I, we kicked asses. We are going to rewrite a new story for this rotten world. _Kira is amused.

_Am I going insane? _Raito listens for a while for the inner voice and finds none. Puzzled, he takes a quick shower and prepares for a brand new day.

x x x x

For the next few days, Raito has directed the team members, mostly Mogi and Aizawa, into inputting the available information, any scraps, any printouts from their previous findings, into the newly set up system. His polished composures have convinced the team that he has made a swift recovery. They cannot be happier. Their Raito is back!

He continues his nocturnal visits to the freezer like clockwork. He dreams of Ryuuzaki every night now, relishing the surreal moments, soothing his heartache of missing the man. In his dreams, the disgusting pieces of cakes and sugar cubes are kept to a minimum. He is even able to manipulate the environment into his fantasies. Is that Kira's doing? Ryuuzaki once said his love will continue, as long as Raito wills it. Raito needs it, so anything else is of little import.

Finally, in dim awareness, Raito has suggested to his father that he would like to move out of the building. Kira has had enough of the place and it is time for Raito to be independent. He is resisting less, having indulged in his fantasies during nighttimes. Love is unpredictable and it was all he could do to contain the youth with illusions to trick the heart. Kira smirks in Raito's mask, twisting the beautiful face in a maniac leer when no one else is looking. Raito simply doesn't realize his potentials. Kira will show him the potentials. Combined with Raito's brilliant mind, Kira is invincible.

From the moment Raito picked up the Death Note, his life is damned. He slips from one prison to the next, never really free. The blissful period of anmensia had opened up many possibilities. His little taste at a life that was never meant to be has reshuffled his priorities, though his number one favorite has been shifting between justice and L. Since L is equal to justice, Raito cherishes him all the same. Even now.

It is now too late. The symbol is gone. L is not coming back. Having a loved one dying in your arms is not a memory you can erase with a dismissive wave. He cannot discard L's passing away like ashes to the wind. It has to mean something. Like carrying on L's legacy. With the ideal weapon in his hands, that has been set in motions. Kira has taken over to ensure Raito feels like he is doing it for the insomniac sugar addict. The transformation is complete. He glances backwards at the building without a trace of remorse as he makes an exit from the front gate.

The noonday sun strikes through the soft auburn tresses, rays of gold reflected in random highlights. The fair face can now smile with calculated ease. The pair of intelligent eyes are bright, both beautifully persuasive and alluringly poisonous. Several pedestrians stop nearby to admire at the gorgeous sight.

Just like last week, it is an innocent Sunday. A restful day. An unsuspecting day to give birth to a future god with the powers to save humanity at a cost no one human is ready to pay.

* * *

_More Notes:_ I know, Raito is way ooc. I can't write him at all, but here it is, in all its imperfection. The next one is for people who are upset over what happened in the last chapter and, to be truthful, that was what I had meant to write while I was torn at how to wrap it all up. If you have the patience and time (I know you do, otherwise, you wouldn't be reading this), it wouldn't hurt to take a look. In case you are stopping here, I want to thank you for your interest and to those who have been watching out for updates and commenting, I really appreciate your long time support! Without you all, I wouldn't be able to go on. So THANK YOU~~

-M.H., Jan 24, 2008

(last edited Oct 30, 2009)


	22. Ending II: Future

_Note:_ I may not be making logical sense in some parts. This is a happier ending though, the end justifies the means, so to speak. Err..enjoy?

* * *

_Ending II: Future_

A draft flitters through the gap of the sliding glass doors to the balcony, bringing in a sprinkle of white sand. Misa hurries to shut the doors, glancing down at the black notebook that lies outside, a strong breeze fluttering the pages open. She decides to bring it in as well. It could be useful to Raito.

The blonde girl notices two things at once: a shimmering light radiating out of a page and a pair of feet sticking out of some bushes at the entrance of the apartment complex. The shimmering could be a trick of the eye. Maybe the white sand is reflecting off the sunlight. But those feet are real. They simply refuse to go away after she blinks for several times. A call to the police is absolutely necessary.

After Misa places the call, she starts to doubt her impulsive decision. What if it is a prank after all? Some props people have carelessly discarded? She can imagine tomorrow's headline scorning at her stupidity. She cannot have that! Growing more apprehensive at such possible outcome, she gets dressed in record time to prepare for her own investigation.

x x x x

"No, Ryuuzaki, no.." Raito grips on tight, as if that would anchor the soul to the body within his embrace. He keeps on whispering, "Don't go. Don't go.."

This is one of those rare moments he is unprepared. He has anticipated this event would take place, had even looked forward to it. How many weeks he had planned for it, despite not being aware of his own agenda? Now that it has happened, its appeal is far less than the loss he feels. A totally unbalanced formula. A heartbreaking solution.

_Hold on. Heart attack victims can be saved! It has been reported. Death Note only states those whose names are written shall die. It never said they cannot be saved. People didn't try to help those criminals simply because of what they were. Ryuuzaki is no criminal. He is the one after them. He should live so that more can be caught. _

_What? _Kira fumes. _They all should die. Die! Die!_

Raito is already acting ahead, ignoring the dull droning inside his mind. _Simple, make the heart beat again. Make him breathe again. Make him whole again. _The youth hasn't felt this helpless, not even when he was detained by L. A tear rolls down when he starts the chest compression. Before today, he has had time to plan his strategies, his games. As of now, time is precious, each second lost is a drastic decrease from a possible recovery. _L, I'm not finished with you. Don't you dare to go._

_You are nothing without me._ Kira smirks.

_Oh yeah? What are _you_? Death is inevitable. Bringing that on sooner doesn't make someone almighty. What was I thinking? What am I doing? What can save the life before me now? Answer me!_ Raito battles with his conscience.

In his mundane life as a student, he has cared for no one. Death Note has seemed like an entertaining tool that coincides with his interests. He couldn't care less to see those culprits disappearing from the population. Whoever tried to stop him was guilty by association. He has the noble intention to make this world pure again and it has served its purpose well. Too well that he was blind to the obvious.

Blind to the fact that life is precious, no matter how high and low the person ranks in the society. No one has the right to cheat it out of anyone. Those who do are evil. Immoral.

Blind to his own stumble off the true path of justice. He has been biased, high on his juvenile fantasy of creating a fictional utopia. As disillusioned as he is, he has to admit such an ideal does not exist. No one is perfect. It is this imperfection that makes humans complement each other, connecting to build networks, societies, the world. What right does he have to judge?

Blind to the ripple effect he is causing. Even a small pond can be disturbed by a pebble breaking its surface. What of the society? It is a much more sophisticated system with countless links and gears. In a perverted sense, one person dead may ease the anguish of one party and create the opposite for another one. What about one dozen? One thousand? Surely, such negative cycles beget nothing but fear and adverse devastation. Someone's gain, another's loss. Is it a true gain? Death being a gain? It is illogical. He has not been creating harmony. It is not real peace.

_I've been doing the devil's deed. So many names. So many lives. What have I done?_ Another tear drops. It lands on the pristine white sweatshirt and disappears into the fabric. _Come back. Please come back..._

The detective remains unresponsive. The very symbol of justice lies motionless on the floor. The other team members seem to have faded from the surroundings. It is only L and him. _You are strong, Ryuuzaki. You can make it._

Raito takes too many things for granted. His brilliance, his loving family, Ryuuzaki. There isn't anything he is lacking in his life. Regret doesn't come when a loss is not realized. If something is always present, its importance becomes less obvious as time passes. His IQ, he's born with it. His family, he's had them caring for him all his life. Ryuuzaki.. he is the latest addition, but a prominent presence nevertheless. Despite his childish ways, his arrogance, his stubbornness, his oddities, he is Raito's first friend too. One that can understand him, one that can drive him mad for all the right reasons, one that can touch his heart.

He's been the first in many ways..

_What have I done?_ The keen sense of loss is slicing him open, shredding him to pieces. The pulses of an ongoing ache gnaws at his insides like acidic fire. Each open wound bleeds with tears of sorrow, of eternal regret.

After a second round of mouth-to-mouth, Raito is hauled away by his father. Yagami-san is devastated by the bleakness of the situation, the suffering of his child.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito wails, the sudden roaring of blood rushes to his head, clashing with the guilt weighting heavy on his shoulders and causing him to trip over when the floor rises up to meet him in a blink.

x x x x

The sirens from the ambulance are melting away into the distance. Misa has watched enough movies to know whoever is on the stretcher at least has a chance at the hospital instead of a place at the morgue. She never got to investigate before the police arrived.

Misa has not been linked to this matter. She could tell the officers are actually quite relaxed as they questioned her. Of course she has concealed the Death Note in advance. At a very safe place - right against her back. They have no reason to search her person.

The officers thank Misa as they leave. She is curious and asks, "How is the person doing?"

"Oh, he should be fine. We are in time. Old people tend to have these spells. It's common."

x x x x

Everything is dark. It doesn't look like the Shinigami Realm, yet there is a familiarity to the place. The pale being is bewildered. Her one yellow eye stares without comprehension. _Why do I still exist?_

"Ah, Rem. I have been expecting you."

_The Shinigami King?_ She peers at a huge silhouette in darker black, if that is possible.

"Humans are interesting, don't you think?"

Rem says nothing.

"They love. They hate. They protect. They destroy. That's not all. It is their ability to combine all four that makes them so unique."

"My lord, may I know the reason I am here?" Rem does not understand.

"But Love is the most amazing of all. Shinigami cannot feel it." A trace of sadness vibrates off the hollow voice. No, that can't be. "They have forgotten how."

Rem awaits patiently. She should cease to exist after she wrote those names. The mere minutes' wait hardly matters.

"Love. It can be so gentle, yet so deadly. The things humans do, the sacrifices they assume they are making. You know the vows humans exchange in a marriage? 'Til death do us part.' How right, yet wrong they are."

Rem grows uncomfortable. Perhaps she has indeed ceased to exist in the Realm and had transported to another dimension where she must listen to the King and His preaches. For all eternity? If she can observe Misa from here, that is still bearable.

"Rem, I have been watching you," The voice grows nearer and spooks Rem. _Does the King know what I am thinking?_ "for centuries."

"My Lord, I find my presence here...unusual." Rem is thoroughly dumbfounded.

"Indeed, it is unusual, beyond any shinigami feat. However, there was one before you. Not too long ago."

"I don't understand." The lesser shinigami is confused, though she starts to have an inkling to where it leads.

"The Death Notes may have endless pages, but their supply is limited. I expect their return when they are not assigned to any particular shinigami." The King heaves a light drift through his bony jaws, as if remembering a fond moment. "On rare occasions, I could be persuaded to be generous. That does not apply to you though."

The darkness is heavy with unasked questions. The King seems amused.

"Rem, you have stumbled upon a secret and I shall reveal it to you after your retrieval of the Note from the human world."

The pale skeleton hesitates. By requesting its return, the King is in effect telling her she has ceased to be a shinigami. That is to be expected. The Note is now an item of the human world, being owned by a human, until the person gives up ownership, or dies. She knows the lifespan of the human girl. So does the King. By not imposing a deadline, she has been granted the definite time to stay with the girl, however short it is compared to how time runs in the Shinigami Realm. She is also aware that she is no longer privileged to use the Note, therefore she cannot protect the girl even if she wants to. _Is this part of the punishment? No, I deem it as a reward._ _I shall treasure the time on earth, to be with Misa until she draws her last breath._

x x x x

The grand room is mostly white, no windows, with two rows of bed. _Is this a hospital ward?_ Having just awoken from an unnatural sleep, Raito is disoriented. He notices his father sitting in a chair next to him.

"How are you feeling, Raito?"

Yagami-san has aged at least five years in the past two days. The white is showing at his temples and the lines are making deeper tracks on his face.

Raito blinks slowly to shake off the fogginess clouding his brain. "What is this place, Father?"

"Inside the same building. There is a whole floor dedicated to treat the sick in case any one of us falls ill. Ryuuzaki has thought of everything."

There are two doctors and three nurses hovering close by. One doctor is a foreigner and he converses quietly in English with the other doctor who is obviously of Japanese origin, from his bulby nose and smaller eyes. Raito is intrigued to their presence but refrains from asking unnecessary questions. He senses the group of five pouring their professional attention entirely at a bed further away from him, next to where his father sits.

Then the background noises register. Specifically, the beeping sound. In a hospital, everyone loves that sound. It is the bearer of good news. The rhythmic pattern is reassuring in its repetitive continuity. To the very least, it instills hope. To hope that one day this mechanical monitoring becomes redundant in assessing the life force of the subject.

There was a time Raito wanted nothing more than to have the detective six feet under. It would have been perfect without him in the picture. L could only hinder his progress in ridding the world of its scums. Now the world is not perfect without him. _When did it become that way?_

The doctors are murmuring in monotones. Professional gibberish. Raito soon tones them out. It is all pointless, if L stays that way. Not that the detective was very animated when he was alert, just that the light switch is off and he would give anything to switch it on again. He gazes intently at the fallen figure on the bed, and concentrates on one single thought: _Have I done the right thing?_

x x x x

Misa lies flat on her stomach, her chin resting on her forearms. Her legs make occasional thumps against the mattress after she bends at her knees alternately to slap on the bed with her feet. She stares forlornly at her cell phone. It has been impossible to reach Raito all day. She called but it immediately told her the person was not available. She text messaged him at least a dozen times. No feedback. Typical response.

_Have I done the right thing?_

Whatever Raito tells her to do is right, right? She trusts him. She is willing to give her life to him. Anything for him. All she needs is a little love in return. Just a little. Tears start to overflow. She flips over and covers her eyes with both hands, stifling the urge to weep. Insecurity gnaws at her. _There is a reason why Raito is not in touch. Must be a good reason. Misa should trust him._

After two minutes of self hypnotization, Misa feels better. She removes her hands and receives a mild shock.

Rem is here!

The pale shinigami stands next to her bed, concern showing in her one yellow eye.

"Misa.."

"Rem! Oh Rem.." The petite girl hugs the skeleton figure. She can no longer contain her tears.

Rem is angered. There is only one person who can upset Misa like this. But the human girl is willing to protect this villain at all costs. Very frustrating. The shinigami strokes at the girl's blonde hair, hoping to soothe the heartache that must be there.

"Misa.. is there anything I can do for you?"

The girl's sobbing has subsided. She shakes her small head. "Misa is alright. She just feels lonely."

Her quiet words twist at Rem's heart, if she had a heart. There is absolutely nothing she can do as of now. She should have taken action when she still had the power. Her anger flares, though it is overshadowed by more frustration.

"It is the Yagami boy.." Misa can sense a trace of threat from Rem and she hugs the shinigami tighter, unaware that this is merely an empty threat.

"Raito is trying to rid the world of evil people. Misa understands he cannot be with her all the time."

It is the exact opposite of what Rem has witnessed earlier. She had located the crowd at the building in a room with rows of beds. The man with the false name was at the phase crossing between living and dying. The boy had looked at him in a similar way that Misa had looked at this boy. Like the very world is within this person. The boy is already in love, just not with Misa.

Misa has given everything to the Yagami boy. The fact that it is not likely for him to return her feelings is a burning chip right at the beginning. It cannot be like this. She cannot hold onto false hope forever. As much as she wants to be with the human girl, it could only hurt more if she doesn't speak up. Cruel as it is, Misa deserves to know the truth.

The girl keeps on shaking her head with her fingers pressing at her lips as Rem recounts her shocking discovery. Tears spill slowly this time. Rem would not lie to her, right? Raito would not betray her, right? _Who to believe? Who to believe?_ She kneels on the bed in a fetal position, forehead touching the mattress, palms at her ears, shutting out the damning words.

"Is Rem leaving Misa too?" The petite girl wonders, eyes dry, too shocked to continue crying.

Rem stops her narration, realizing the only way to protect the girl is for her not to own the Death Note. "I'm sorry, Misa. I wish I could stay and watch over you. But this is the consequence for breaching the rules."

"Misa is sorry too." The blonde punches at the buttons on her cell phone, composing a message. "Misa loves Raito with her whole heart. She wants Raito to be happy." She knows no matter how hard she tries, she cannot gain Raito's love. The gender preference is clear. How could she compete with a man?

"Misa.."

"Rem is leaving too. Misa will be so lonely." The girl whispers, drawing inwards to her melancholic shell.

"Misa..have you ever regretted meeting Raito?"

"Misa wants to be a happy girl again." She appears to be talking to the air, not directing the comment at the shinigami.

"You will need to forfeit the Death Note to do that, Misa." Rem values Misa way beyond her own existence, even if it means parting with Misa much earlier. It is also a perfect way to thwart Yagami's plan. Rem notices Ryuk has returned and silences him with a freezing stare.

"Hey..you giving up already, girl? That's no fun." Sympathy be damned. Nothing can shut up that big mouth of Ryuk.

"Can Ryuk make Misa a man?" She must be out of her mind!

"Uh...no. Who da you think I am?"

"What's the point? Misa can use the Note but it cannot bring Raito to her. What's the point.." The small girl clutches at the space above her heart. "It hurts to remember. It hurts so much."

Though her tone is mild and light, the pain is visible, drifting through the room like wisps of unwelcome darkness. Not even Ryuk has a smart comment for this. Forfeiting the Death Note seems like an appealing and sensible decision. The inhuman forms await, silent.

x x x x

It hasn't been the same.

The Kira investigation has been put on hold. They have no data, no leads, no supervisor and the most likely suspect (or so everyone else thought) has died.

Raito makes his daily visit, not expecting new progress. Ironic that he is now observing L on the bed as L had been observing him in the cell. Well, at least there was some kind of communications back then. He doesn't know if the man can hear anything he says, though it has been known that coma patients are aware of their surroundings. They simply have no physical means to express their thoughts. That is the reason Raito makes sure he holds the man's frail hand every time he visits, especially when he isn't in the mood to speak.

The nurses have caught on this extraordinary display of affection and have refrained from intruding while he is here. He knows they know. It can't be helped.

Yagami-san has talked to his son more than once to return home until L regains consciousness. Just one look at Raito has stopped the father from speaking further. The student doesn't have to pretend now. He is actually acting out his true feelings. It makes him feel vulnerable and uncomfortable.

_What is keeping me here?_ Raito has to wonder. _Am I not the one having the power of Death Note? All my supporters are waiting. Surely I cannot disappoint them._ The Kira in him struggles to break loose, to control the brilliant mind that is occupied missing the unconscious detective. Somehow, Raito finds himself taking less efforts to constrain this strong force within him, having a more intense emotion simmering and growing day by day.

Suddenly, a perfect world no longer seems like a priority. The world has not collapsed at his absence. People continue to live, die, work, rest, cry, laugh, as if he doesn't matter. He is not as powerful as he once thought he was. Was he in fact putting too much importance onto himself?

_"Raito-kun shall have his freedom when Kira is caught." _

L was wrong. Wrong in assuming Kira can be caught. Whatever the outcome, Raito still does not have his freedom, when they have been through so much, when a part of him already belongs to the sleeping man.

_What if L never wakes up?_

x x x x

It has been hours in the human world, yet it is only a blink of an eye, maybe two, in the Realm.

"I have returned, my lord." Rem brings with her the original Note.

"Excellent." The Shinigami King responds with disinterest "I suppose it is time to show you your path."

_Path? Nonexistence can hardly be defined as a path._

A self suspending orb of ether appears in the inky blackness. It becomes brighter when its center reveals a scene in the human world. Rem was not curious about what happens after a shinigami disappears, so she never seeks out any place for a hopeful continuation. What she is witnessing is a soul being saved by something. This something is not an angel. This mysterious being is doing the opposite of what shinigami do. She could see that it is not time for this human to die. The number countdown hovering over the human's head was faint at first, almost flickering out like the battery is going dead, but grows more vibrant as the soul settles more firmly within its worldly husk. The savior finishes its job and stands back. Its shape and features remind her of...

"A competitor." The King's hollow eyes stay with the glowing orb. "Rem will also become our competitor, though we outnumber you by a much larger quantity."

Rem is speechless.

"Oh yes, do not be surprised. It is Jealous. You will also follow the same path that he is leading. The number of souls needed to be saved is equivalent to the number taken during the period as a shinigami. Not just random souls. Worthy souls. Those that are before their time. Those that love and deserve to be loved."

"My lord..."

"Nay, Rem will be her own master from this moment on. Only you will know when the time comes to act. Only you will know what happens when you complete your task."

Rem is destined to discover and experience the secret of Love.

x x x x

The white blanket shifts. Raito has his hopes up. It has been weeks. The body beneath the blanket moves again. Raito could no longer contain his excitement.

"Just a little more. I'm here. Take your time." The youth takes the cool hand to have their fingers entwined. The once still fingers are twitching, as if in the process of starting up an ancient machinery.

The figure on the bed becomes motionless again. Raito lets out a disappointed sigh.

"Damn you, L. Wake up!" Raito is contradicting himself over his earlier patience.

The immobile hand is warming considerably. Perhaps it is Raito's hand that's feeding heat into it. Perhaps the detective is truly coming out of it. Raito strokes at the pale cheek. Still cool and lifeless.

"Everyone has missed you... I've missed you.." The brunet pauses. "..a lot."

No response, as expected.

"You have my word that Kira will be put out of action, as long as I'm alive." Raito studies the man's eyelids, as if that would will them to open. "We could accomplish so much. Together, we can contribute our abilities to help the society. Justice shall prevail, isn't that right? You would like to see that, wouldn't you?"

More beeping from the machine.

"The world needs you. They are calling for you." The young man blinks. Those closed eyelids are fluttering. He moves closer and continues, "I need you."

The beeping tempo has increased.

"Wake up now and I ..." The rest of the promise is lost as Raito leans in closer to drop his whisper into the man's ear, kissing it after he is done.

The young man lets out a long sigh, messes up L's already wild hair and plants a kiss on his forehead, part of his sacred ritual before leaving. It is at this close range that he feels a series of light breaths grazing at his throat. He glances down. Moving lips! Ear closer to catch the flow, he hears it, albeit crooked and cracked up, the sweetest word ever, even though he can't be more familiar with it than he already is -

"..Raito..."

x x x x

More weeks have passed. Some time earlier during this period, Raito had noticed the text messages flooding the inbox of his cell phone. He read through the first four, then deleted most of them. Something about the last message made him hesitate. The time it was received was hours apart from the many consecutive ones prior to this one. It had an attachment. An image file. The image of the three of them on the floor at that celebration party.

The brief message was 'Goodbye. I will not remember you. Will you remember me?'

It was over.

x x x x

"I am unable to think."

"I can't imagine."

"There were particular bits of conversations that I thought I am able to recall.."

"You were unconscious."

"Verbal agreement is legally binding."

"Stop thinking. What you should do is to rest all you can."

"You are forgetting about the surveillance system. I could review the records."

"You are forgetting the system has been disabled, along with the data deletion."

L pouts. _Touché_.

The pale man has done no more than the basics during his recuperation and he still has a long way to go. Often, he would let Raito represent him when the world needs the detective. He would listen in by his side, though he is confident of the student's ability. Only rarely would he rap on the table to intercept and correct a solution that is just second best.

"Raito-kun."

"What?" If the youth had not just tried to kill the world famous detective weeks ago, he may have walked away from the babysitting, or rather, there would be no babysitting at all. Watari is barely able to take care of himself, much less other people.

"I'm cold." L has to be careful with his sweet craving. His fragile state is not life threatening, though he has listened to the doctors to reduce his excessive doses of sugars. Without the surplus glucose, the energy depletion is taking its toll.

"I told you to stay in bed." Raito is annoyed at the man's stubbornness. L is curled up on a sofa. "Take my jacket."

"Your body will do just fine."

"Ha, you wish."

"I'm being practical."

"Bite me."

"That, I will. I promise you."

"Shut up." Raito frowns, takes a seat next to the seemingly fragile man and says nothing more.

After two seconds, a muttered "I'm still cold" breaks the silence. Raito proceeds to position himself behind the detective to wrap his arms around.

"Better?"

"No."

The student unbuttons his shirt and lifts up the back of the other's white sweatshirt for better transfer of body heat.

"Better?"

"I doubt it."

Pink lips plant light kisses on a soft neck. Hot breaths are warming the white skin considerably.

"Better?"

"Possibly."

Raito removes his shirt completely, for better contact. His arms return to wrap around the frail body, this time, underneath the white sweatshirt. His searching fingers have found the pair of delightful nubs and start giving them loving attention.

"Better?"

"Hmm..."

He turns the detective to face him, notices a faint tint of pink spreading through his pale face and ducks beneath his white sweatshirt. A small mountain moves under the fabric from one side to the other as Raito presents wet strokes to where his fingers were minutes before. His moist lips are unbiased, giving each side fair treatment. His body is now leaning on top, his arms supporting him with his hips barely touching the man underneath. He is waiting for his answer.

The answer appears very rapidly and rises to meet his crotch. Raito pokes his head through the wide neck opening with a triumph smile and, even though knowing it already, he has to ask, "Better?"

"..."

They are now wearing the same sweatshirt. Raito still has his arms around, skin to skin. He rocks his hips gently and savors the moment. He has ceased all intention to advance. In the pregnant silence, their heartbeats sound like thunders. It feels like a balmy day in spring.

"Ryuuzaki, you've got to admit it is a perfect method to generate heat at short notice." He murmurs next to a sensitive ear.

"I will keep that in mind, Raito-kun. It could make all the difference between life and death." The reply is flat and dry.

Guilt crawls across Raito in an unpleasant wave. His grip tightens on the body beneath him, as if letting go would truly mean letting go. He has nearly lost L. It was a ghastly experience that will definitely haunt him for life.

"I have a confession to make." The student's words are muffled in the sweatshirt.

"I am not here to solve your worldly burdens."

"You have the right to be cross with me..."

"So pretty.."

"Huh?"

"The cherry blossoms. The way they fall, the way they grace the earth, at this season."

"We are twenty-three floors aboveground." Buildings and skies are all that fill the windows. There is not a hint to the beauty outside. Raito wonders.

"I remember. It was during this season that we met."

"..."

"It has been a year."

"Indeed.." Pointless chatter from L? Not likely.

"Kira's emergence has relied on the sole existence of the Death Note. Do you not agree, Raito-kun?"

"Quite true, without it, there would be no Kira."

"Kira wanted L dead."

"..."

"It was a successful failure. L is still alive."

"Your point is?"

"Kira doesn't have a second chance to kill L without leaving a trail, no matter what method he should devise."

"Did it ever occur to you that Kira has never learned L's true name? That it could've been something else that caused.."

"Would Raito-kun like to know my name?"

"I would like that, but I don't want you dead." Quiet words spoken tenderly, like a hand giving feather light strokes to the back, soothingly, lovingly.

"That means Raito-kun doesn't want to be Kira."

When Raito starts to object, L turns his face and kisses the youth fully on the lips, causing the potential argument to die a sweet death. They take a moment to draw on each other, neither wants to break the intimate connection. Nevertheless, L continues his train of thoughts.

"According to the Copernican principle (note 1), there is a 95 percent certainty that Kira will be present for another 9 days, but for no more than 39 years. I'm giving the existence of Kira the shadow of a doubt and substituted 1 year for the variable, though I know for a fact that Kira hadn't known himself as Kira during that entire timeframe."

"You know there is a flaw to the principle. It discriminates against subjects too young and old."

"Yes, Raito-kun is too young."

"You know that wasn't what I meant."

"What do you mean?"

"Forget it." Raito's stomach is churning. Was it something he ate for lunch?

Never missing a beat, the detective continues, "L, on the other hand, has existed before Raito-kun was born. Justice precedes us all."

"We have discussed this before. Justice has many forms." Raito's stomach continues to bother him..was it the salad? He is promptly ignored by L.

"Wouldn't Raito-kun wish to join me? People can change. Justice can help them to change. They are rewarded accordingly when they make reparations for their offenses, to acknowledge their own mistakes. Kira's path is the one that leads to destruction, denying people the chance to change, robbing their future by ending their lives." The pale man pauses, "I have changed, because of you. You can change as well."

"Hold on. I don't feel so well."

"I'm sorry, Raito."

The youth is piqued at the absence of a honorific and the random apology.

"Sorry for the inane chatter?" Raito starts to sweat. Tiny claws are kneading at his intestines.

"Sorry for the inevitable."

"What?" The student's mind is clicking pieces together in alarm. "Is this some kind of revenge? Whatever have you done to me?"

"Relax. It's merely an effective laxative." The assurance is laced with childlike innocence.

"You could've warned me!" Raito attempts to unclothe himself from the cotton cocoon, upsetting his already disorderly brown strands.

"This is to purge you of the Death Note, if you are unwilling to do so on your own. Since there is no shinigami present, there is a high possibility that you are not the owner of the Death Note, therefore, you require ingestion of the paper to retain the associated memories."

"How? My lunch? Your lips?"

"I recall sampling your lunch. As you can see, I feel perfectly well."

"The question stands."

"My body."

Indeed, the detective hasn't so much as put his thumb near his lips and Raito had assumed that the man simply wasn't in his thinking mode. The empty weeks have left him off guard. _Why, this devious little.._ Raito gasps as a phantom pitchfork stabs and twists at his insides, grinding everything into a painful putty. He has already made his promise, back at that hospital bed, why can't L just _wait_? His split-second glare at the detective can cut through diamonds.

The agonized youth races to the bathroom in record time, hardly holding in the outburst that threatens to rip him inside out. He manages to snatch a notepad and pen set before he slams the door shut. With an urgency he has rarely felt, he scribbles onto the paper in desperation, a vigor that perhaps even surpasses his passion during his judgment through the Death Note. He writes as swiftly as he could while keeping the words legible, with the bathroom counter for a desk and the toilet itself as his seat. There, he pours out everything.

A lifetime later, Raito emerges, confused but fuming nevertheless.

"That was sick, Ryuuzaki. How would you like it if _I_ did this to _you_?"

"I'm sorry, Raito-kun."

"And...oh.." The grumpy youth looks at his balled fist in slight surprise, rereading the instructions in his own writing. "I don't understand why but I'm supposed to give this to you."

L hesitates, accepting the folded sheets of paper with two fingers. He hasn't been expecting a message from Kira. He reads the sheets calmly with occasional funny glances from Raito. With painstaking care, the papers are folded once again.

"Well?"

"Ah. At last, a love letter from Raito-kun." Those black eyes twinkle, looking pleased.

"You're lying. Let me see them."

L takes one sheet and hands it to Raito. It reads 'I love you with all my soul. How those empty weeks had taken the joy of living out of me! There has never been anyone else..' Raito stops reading and arches an eyebrow. Indeed, these words were written by his own hands! _How...?_

"Would Raito-kun like to read the entire letter? It has some rather fascinating proposals that I am most definitely interested in." The pale stick of a man grins suggestively, wiggling his dark eyebrows.

"This is all a joke to you. Here, take it back. I don't wanna read any more of this shit."

"This is where you are wrong, Raito-kun. This is not a joke. I take it very seriously." L resumes his usual stance, face showing nothing. Only his eyes remain animated.

L embraces Raito, feeling his own heart tearing in half. He has on his hands a written confession from the ex-Kira, containing explicit details. Details that could have remained hidden forever. That sheet of 'lover letter' is the only irrelevant page. Raito himself wrote it to dampen his own curiosity, using words he knew would embarrass himself. For the rest, L had to improvise. Now, the justice in him screams for immediate arrest of the mass murderer. The lover in him cries for him to show mercy. At whatever decision he makes, the fact remains that Kira is gone for good. Threat annihilated. Case solved, in a way.

"Raito.." A gentle whisper.

"What?"

"'I love you with all my soul.'" A soft recitation.

"Ha ha."

"Do you not me?" A worried question.

"Yeah..but, don't repeat those words. You are the greatest detective. Think of something original."

Five minutes later, both males gasp for breath, having broken from a deep and lingering kiss, arousals heavy against one another.

"Ahh..don't tease, Ryuuzaki. You are in no condition...your heart can't.." The weeks not touching each other makes the simple kiss that much more erotic at this moment than to being naked together. No, maybe the kiss was not that simple.

"Is Raito-kun not satisfied? It was the answer to your questioning of my originality."

"I doubt you would be satisfied at that." The student's hand lowers in deliberate slow motions.

"Now, who's teasing?" Then, almost as an afterthought, L adds, "Kira would do something like that."

"How many times have I told you? I'm not Kira!"

"I know."

"You..what?" Raito has grown accustomed to L's constant rebuttal of his claim of innocence. The different response leaves him pleasantly speechless.

"We have received information on the location of the other Death Note. We have the current one secured. With Higuchi dead, the power transfer is not likely to be taking place. No Kira victims have turned up since his death and that supports my theory."

"How..?"

"I'm L. I have my sources."

"You believe that I'm not Kira."

"Yes."

"And you actually said you love me."

"Yes."

"What have you done to my Ryuuzaki?" Raito feels ridiculously happy, despite the prank L had pulled on him. It must have something to do with solving the case, and the detective being alive and spreading good news..

L decides he can live with his selfish decision. He would deal with Raito privately. There are fine prints in the justice system that could be interpreted in a certain way. In exchange, the individual is required to perform community service. He would be serving justice side by side with him. A crime of his magnitude, it would take more than a lifetime, though that is certainly a preference over execution or life imprisonment. A just retribution..

"Ryuuzaki, something doesn't make sense. Didn't Kira try to kill you? Wasn't that after Higuchi was found dead?"

"The shinigami made the attempt. The creature had disappeared after Watari and I both received heart attacks." That seems to be a safe postulation.

Raito continues his tight hold onto his love, an unreasonable fear of losing the man appears out of nowhere. He did try to break his fall when he fell from that chair, didn't he? Only now their directions are reversed with him gazing upwards. A lump forms at his throat and a tear falls from the corner of his eye.

L looks down at the youthful face. His beautiful face. Those innocent eyes. The brilliant mind behind them. The childish personality that could almost match his own. The lithe body that completes the whole package. He loves them all. Every single part. Raito has become an essential part in his life. He brushes away the single tear from his precious. Somehow, a tear of his own slips down the bridge of his nose. Funny, he is not even sad.

"Thanks to Raito-kun, I'm not cold anymore."

"Wouldn't it be more efficient if these were out of the way?"

"Such impatience.. we have a lifetime ahead of us. I'm not letting you go."

"Neither am I."

.

.

- _finis_ -

* * *

(note 1) The Copernican principle: minimum 1/39 x 1 year; maximum 39 x 1 year

-the 1 year there is the variable, you can put any timeframe there. I know it probably doesn't make sense, but hey..can't blame me for trying, huh..

_._

_Final Notes:_ So did you enjoy all the chapters? Which ending do you like better? Sigh..it's finally...over. I really don't know how to express my gratitude to you all, especially those who are still sticking with the story. You've got incredible patience (heh, you probably don't remember much about the details from the older chapters, do ya? ^^). If there is any part you're confused with, ask. If there's any part you don't like, yell. If you love me, do tell.

I actually had maybe 60 percent of this chapter done last year, then the months went by with me being brain dead. Finally filled in more details as I started to write again. Inertia is not just a term in physics. It is so true! I guess I was grateful to whatever gave me that spark of energy to start moving again.

How I wish I could put up some deleted scenes from the chapters, but it's an old fic and well, I've changed computers so I'm not sure if I've still got the original files. Besides, I edit the chapters on here mostly so... Still, I'll see if I can find anything interesting. If I do, I'll probably do an update here instead of creating an extra chapter. No promises though.

.

And... I want to dedicate this fic to former members of the DN7 forum. At least to those who enjoyed the story. This fic was born there. The forum was gone by the time I was up to chapter 7 or 8, or maybe 9. But really..what can last forever? L&Raito!

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THANK YOU once again. - deep bow -

-M.H., Nov 1, 2009

Late note: I never did answer the question from Chapter 1, did I? Quite simple, if you did read/watch the series, or if you have read through this fic, you would notice L was monitoring Raito in his own house, so he must had taken that into consideration. And what is that? I'll leave _that_ to your imagination. (added: Dec 8, 2009)


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